Best of the Week
of July 8, 2001
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of July 8, 2001, as selected
by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week"
entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s new
database using the search form, or, in the
case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in the
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer any questions
relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask any
provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily
meant to represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can
provide a window into the insights of an individual from that
group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
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Question:
To white men: What do you think of white women who date black
men? As you may well know, generally speaking, black women will not
hesitate to answer this question, but there seems to be little or no
feedback from white men. From the days of slavery, the white man has
placed the white woman on a pedestal for the world to see and said,
'You may look, but don't you DARE touch, OR ELSE!' He has deemed her
as the 'so-called' standard of beauty. How then do white men - the
societal 'top of the totem pole' - feel knowing that growing numbers
of white women are dating black men?
POSTED 7/11/2001
K.C. Tate, Jacksonville, FL, United States, Female,
Black/African American, Paralegal, Mesg ID 711200175838
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Question:
The adults in all three Asian-American families in my
neighborhood seem very anti-social. Their very-Americanized kids seem
'normal,' but the parents won't even make eye contact. Is there some
social rule I'm not aware of?
Original Code R361. Click here to see responses from the
original archives. Click "to respond" below to reply.
POSTED 3/3/1999
S. B., Richmond, CA, United States, 38, White/Caucasian, Mesg
ID 3399113927
Responses:
This is a cultural difference. Many Asian societies find direct
eye contact very disrepectful. It's especially evident when dealing
with authority. For example, recently immigrated Asian students of
mine never look me directly in the eye because I am in a higher
position as the teacher. It's something I've had to adjust to because
I grew up more Americanized, and I always thought of direct eye
contact as a sign of honesty, straightforwardness and respect.
POSTED 7/11/2001
K.S.P., Atlanta, GA, United States, 27, Female, Asian, Teacher,
Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 710200130507
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Question:
I'm gonna get an earful for this one, but isn't there sometimes
truth to stereotypes? Southern racists? Young, black
baggy-pants-wearing jerks? Stingy Jews? Studious Asians? Hard-working
Mexicans? Sure, some are outdated or totally fabricated, but some,
amazingly enough, seem to have some truth to them, on all sides. Are
we evil people for generalizing like this, or is it human?
POSTED 7/9/2001
Ric M., New York, NY, United States, 28, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, various occupations, Over 4 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 72200184351
Responses:
I find that usually stereotypes are started to put some
organization to things. To categorize, or worse, to label. The
negativity happens when we see that a stereotype is present and
believe that it's a part of the individual, or who the individual is.
We never dig deeper to find out why the individual seems to portray a
'sterotype' (i.e. Why is the white man sexist? Why is the black man
angry? Why do black people find it difficult to tip white folks? Why
are many Native American's quiet?) The question can be asked about
every stereotype there is. The more we ask, the more we'll
understand.
POSTED 7/11/2001
Dot, Peru, ME, United States, <ms-dsh@yahoo.com>, 33,
Female, Humanist, Native American/Caucasian, Bisexual, Social
Worker/Student, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
710200141423
I think when you get to know individuals of a group that is
stereotyped, you will discover that those stereotypes are generally
false. Yes, there are some cultural differences between groups, but
individuals make up groups, and every individual is differrent. The
'truth' to the stereotypes you mentioned are the truths of
individuals, and you could attach the generalization to a person from
any group. There are stingy African Americans and studious Mexicans,
and young, white baggy-pants-wearing people. Furthermore, most
stereotypes were promulgated by European white people during and
after colonization as a way of rationalizing their atrocities and
de-humanizing the groups they were physically and culturally
attacking. Indeed, it is telling that in your post you mention many
racial groups except white people (Southern people are not
necessarily white). In sum, generalizations about racial and ethnic
groups have little truth to them and are basically useless.
POSTED 7/11/2001
R.H., Syracuse, NY, United States, 27, Male, Agnostic,
Black/African American, Straight, law student, Over 4 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 711200153424
So are you really tiny 'down there'? I'm not trying to insult you,
I'm trying to make a point. No matter how much 'truth' you or others
may believe there is to stereotypes, they do harm people. I always
bring up the one about small penises for white men whenever I hear
them trying to defend the indefensible or make excuses for various
bigotries. But to come straight to the point of your questions, no, a
big no that we should all shout from the rooftops. Usually
stereotypes are not based on any alleged 'truth,' but on falsehoods
and misunderstandings and plain old ignorance. Stingy Jews? Actually
they had to hoard at times in order to survive, but Jews have one of
the best records of any ethnic group when it comes to giving to
charities. Young blacks wearing baggy clothes? Actually, they were
just imitating us (Mexicans), who have been doing it since the 1920s.
Southern racists? Yes, it can be pretty bad, but Dr. King said the
worst racism he ever saw was in Chicago. Studious Asians? Not if
you've ever seen Asian street gangs. Hard-working Mexicans? Because
some are here illegally, they are forced to work long hours for
almost nothing. But it's always amazing how many racists can have two
contradictory stereotypes at once, both 'hard-working Mexicans' and
'lazy Mexicans.' Does it make you evil to believe in these
stereotypes? Not necessarily, but it does show you're not really
thinking things through. These stereotypes don't just magically
appear as part of human nature. They always have a deliberate
purpose, to dehumanize and foster hostility, to divide and conquer.
Stereotypes about 'oversexed' blacks were used to justify the
lynchings of black males and the widespread rapes of black females,
for instance.
POSTED 7/11/2001
A.C.C., San Antonio, TX, United States, Male, Mexican and American
Indian, Mesg ID 7102001123949
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respond
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Question:
Why is that most erotic/porn pictures show women with nipples
that point upward and not nipples that point downward (i.e.
'pointy')? White women sometimes do have 'pointy' breasts, but it
seems like there is a negative attitude about showing them or
thinking of them as attractive.
POSTED 7/9/2001
H.C., Jerusalem, NA, Israel, 40, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID
79200161403
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Question:
Do transgendered people prefer to be called by their biological
gender or their emotional gender?
POSTED 7/6/2001
Charles G., Chicago, IL, United States, 23, Male, Jewish,
Straight, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 76200111321
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Question:
I have a fair-sized red birthmark on my face, near my nose, and
have always wanted to know how others really feel about it. Do you
think they are ugly? Do you pity people with them? Do you worry about
touching them?
POSTED 7/5/2001
Kate, Bloemfontein, NA, South Africa, 24, Female, Middle class,
Mesg ID 75200143523
Responses:
My mom also had a large freckled area from a burn that covered
one side of her neck up to her jawbone. It happened when she was a
young child, but it wasn't until I was in my 20s that she said it had
made her self-conscious when she was younger. I had never really
noticed it; it was just part of her features, like the color of her
eyes or hair. I don't find a birthmark like yours repellent at all.
If you are a vibrant, happy person, people will be attracted to you
regardless of what unusual features you possess.
POSTED 7/9/2001
Kelly F., Jacksonville, FL, United States, 41, Female, New
Age/Metaphysical, White/Caucasian, Straight, Retired military, Over 4
Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 782001100855
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Question:
Why are Muslim women not supposed to show their ankles?
POSTED 7/5/2001
B.M., Bristol, NA, United Kingdom, 33, Female, Hindu, Asian,
Straight, Administrative Assistant, Technical School, Middle class,
Mesg ID 74200144015
Responses:
As with the body and hair, ankles are considered to be sexually
attractive to men, and such overtly sexual features are seen as being
provocative to them. Thus, strictly speaking, Muslim women are not
technically allowed to show their bare feet or even hands unless they
are undecorated, i.e. unpainted nails, etc.
POSTED 7/9/2001
S.J, Leicester, NA, United Kingdom, 27, Female, Muslim, Asian,
Straight, PhD student, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
77200111146
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Question:
If I have kissed a woman, does that make me gay?
POSTED 7/5/2001
Jolie, Temple, TX, United States, 23, Female, 2 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 752001120046
Responses:
Only you would know the answer to that. It depends on the nature
of the kiss, what you felt at the time, what you felt afterward, and
what gender you previously had been attracted to. If you've been
attracted to men up until this point, it may be that you're bisexual.
If not, maybe you're gay. Again, it depends on the impulses you feel.
POSTED 7/6/2001
Hallie, Frankfort, KY, United States, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Clerk, High School Diploma, Middle class, Mesg ID
76200145652
If you have always felt an attraction toward women and it
culminated in this kiss, perhaps you are. But only you know how
strong your feelings toward other women really are, and whether
they're stronger than your feelings toward men. So the answer is that
there is no definite yes or no.
POSTED 7/9/2001
Susan, New York, NY, United States, 48, Female, Presbyterian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Programmer, Technical School, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 78200194649
You're the only one who can decide if you're gay or not. If you
kissed another woman, I'd say you were at least curious, but that
only you know if you're a lesbian or bisexual or what. Perhaps it was
only a phase, or maybe you are gay. Though if you are, I promise you
it will not be the end of the world.
POSTED 7/9/2001
Jessica B., Jackson, MS, United States, 16, Female, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, Less than High School Diploma,
Middle class, Mesg ID 77200121904
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Question:
In Jewish dietary laws, I understand meat and milk-based
products cannot be mixed. Can fish and milk be mixed, i.e. cod in
cheese sauce?
POSTED 7/6/2001
Paul W., Liverpool, NA, United Kingdom,
<pwildman@classicfm.net>, 46, Male, Atheist, White/Caucasian,
Gay, Analyst/Programmer, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
76200115728
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Question:
Why do white men and women find small, non-existent backsides
attractive? Every African-Caribbean person I know (and this is
without exception) believes a woman with a round, full bottom is
attractive and sexy. I am not saying that every African-Caribbean
woman has this body shape, but the majority do, and if she does not,
it is something on her 'wish list.'
POSTED 7/5/2001
Anne, London, NA, United Kingdom, 30, Female,
African-Caribbean, Straight, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
752001113653
Responses:
The kind of African-Caribbean bottom you're talking about is
generally a lot perter than the average white big bum, which, sadly,
can be on the flat side. White men certainly don't prefer
non-existent bums - I don't know where you got that idea. My bum is
not skinny, and I've certainly had no complaints. However, I've got
the impression that, in terms of body shape at least,
African-Caribbean men tend to prefer a more natural, womanly shape -
good for them. A lot of white men unfortunately make themselves feel
better (about their small bums?) by putting down women who are not
rakes.
POSTED 7/9/2001
Lily, London, NA, United Kingdom, 32, Female, White/Caucasian, 4
Years of College, Mesg ID 762001123312
It's not a white thing, because I'm white and I like 'em curvy.
It's because of the society you're brought up in. I'm white-Hispanic,
but I grew up as as a pure-blooded white American in Kansas City
(school, neighborhood, camps, friends, etc.). The girls we 'white
boys' liked had 'tight' butts and nice, big tah-tahs. In my early
twenties, I moved to my family's homeland (Venezuela), and I first
found the girls down here to be a bit fat. Later, in time, that
appreciation turned to round and curvy. Well, now those chicks I used
to adore as a white American seem to me like anorexic, flat and
buttless cuties. My taste changed because of the influence from my
surroundings. Now I like them with nice round butts (not huge,
though), like most Hispanics. Although the lower you go in the social
scale, the bigger they like 'em. Same thing happens with white
Americans and hooters. So it's not that small, non-existent backsides
are attractive to white Americans (or Englishmen), it's that they
don't pay much attention to them because their eyes are glued to the
jugs up front.
POSTED 7/9/2001
Nelson A., Caracas, NA, Venezuela, 32, Male, White/Caucasian,
Lawyer/Business, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 76200183408
Most people are attracted to what they commonly see in their
community. Whites tend to hang around other whites, who are built
with flatter butts, and so find this attractive. As you mentioned,
Africans (and African Americans) like bigger, fuller butts, since
this is the normal body shape in our community.
POSTED 7/9/2001
Cassandra, Chicago, IL, United States, 37, Female, Black/African
American, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 78200194100
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