Best of the Week
of July 25, 1999
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of July 25, 1999, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing our
new database using our search form, or, in
the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in our
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any questions relevant
to your demographic background, as well as to ask any provocative
question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily meant to
represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can provide a
window into the insights of an individual from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question:
I'm a white student living in an ethnically mixed neighborhood in
Pittsburgh (it's mostly black, with some Asian, Indian and white
families). Recently I went on vacation in the West - Idaho, Wyoming,
Montana, Utah - and was absolutely amazed that the entire population
was white. The only non-whites I saw - aside from Native Americans,
who are prominent in many areas - were one Asian and one black
family, obviously tourists (I stayed for three weeks.) My question: I
know most hate groups spring up around the area I was visiting - how
do these groups find followers in an area where probably no one even
encounters black people or even Jewish people on a regular basis? I
know that ignorance is part of the problem - but I'd like to know
what other factors might be involved. Is it just political
conservatism gone haywire? Why do these people feel so threatened by
people who they never even meet? Most confusing to me: Why aren't
Native Americans among hate groups' most prominent targets?
POSTED 7/29/1999
Annie, Pittsburgh, PA, United States, 25, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Student, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
7199913510
Responses:
There are really two answers to your questions. First, white
supremacist groups are actually a fraction of the population
anywhere, so it's easy for them to move their followers into
concentration spots like Hayden Lake - only a couple hundred people
at most have to move. Since they are despised by everyone, including
other whites, they tend to come out here where there's a lot of empty
space and they can settle in some little town they can dominate. As a
result, we get white prison-sweepings and nut cases from all over the
country moving to little do-it-yourself-Reichs out here. Second, we
also get middle-class whites with fantasies of moving to the past -
and since life is slower out here, manners are more old-fashioned,
more people go to church, neighbors know each other, etc., there's
something to it. But unfortunately, some people's fantasies of the
past include a world where they didn't have to be aware of anyone
other than white people. Usually those aren't the people who join the
nut groups - but their kids, who are often bored (rural life is dull
when you're 16) and looking for trouble, do. The other thing is the
pure ignorance factor. White people with friends of other races will
sometimes stand up to and argue with bigots - not always, but often
enough to put some social pressure on bigots to keep their prejudices
to themselves. Out here, most whites have no non-white friends or
co-workers - and so some of these clowns can run off at the mouth
more because there aren't people who know better to say "You're full
of crap."
POSTED 7/30/1999
John B., Rural, CO, United States, 42, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, College professor, Over 4 Years of College
, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 7301999120616
I find it interesting that you offer political conservatism as a
cause for the racism in the West. That seems to be the politically
correct thing to do these days. In actuality, there is something very
different happening in that area. I had a friend from Montana whom I
discussed this with at some length a few years ago. He mentioned that
most of the white people he knew saw Indians as a constant threat and
hardly ever thought about black people. However, the opposite seems
to happen here in the Northeast. Why? Out of sight, out of mind. Hate
groups go into these areas where whites know little or nothing about
non-whites and play on the "fear of the unknown." They push certain
stereotypes until their new recruits believe what they hear. It is
not unlike a religious cult, and there are undercurrents of that
phenomenon. Ever notice how lots of hate groups twist the religious
beliefs of people to their own ends? The KKK considers themselves to
be Christians, just as the Nation of Islam considers itself to be
Muslim.
POSTED 7/30/1999
John K., Cranford, NJ, United States, <the-macs@geocities.com>
, 26, Male, Chemical Engineer, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 7291999103436
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Question:
What does the term "agnostic" mean? Is this different than an
atheist?
POSTED 7/29/1999
Janet, Sioux City, IA, United States, Female, Mesg ID 61599100852
Responses:
A+gnostic=agnostic: No knowledge. A+theist=atheist: no theism.
(Theism is belief in a personified God.) So, agnostics believe
knowledge of God is not possible, atheists believe God does not
exist. I think I am agnostic. If God exists, he is by definition
greater than me and includes me, so my beliefs about him are kind of
beside the point. If he doesn't exist, again, my believing won't make
Him exist. Basically though, I just feel like people start getting
nasty when they get off on questions like, Does God exist? The result
of this line of inquiry seems to me to usually be a lot of attitude
and unpleasantness. Trying to be compassionate, patient and just pay
my bills occupies most of my energy. I am not good at religion and
see little good coming from it, yet I wouldn't go so far as to say
God doesn't exist -I don't know! I just know people can be jerks - so
I try hard not to be one if possible.
POSTED 7/30/1999
Pam R., Mishawaka, IN, United States, 46, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 7291999115240
Webster's defines an agnostic as "One who disclaims any knowledge
of God but does not deny the possibility of His existence."
Basically, if He doesn't exist, fine. But if He does exist, that's
OK, too.
POSTED 7/29/1999
Murray C., Halifax, NA, Canada, 31, Male, Agnostic, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Draftsman, Technical School , Middle class,Mesg ID
7291999115937
Agnostic generally refers to one who strongly doubts the existence
of God, whereas atheist is one who "knows" there is no God. Think of
agnostics as needers of proof.
POSTED 7/29/1999
Jen, Rochester, FL, United States, Female, White/Caucasian, Straight,
Marketing, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
729199932050
An atheist does not believe there is a God or supreme being. An
agnostic believes it is not possible to prove either way that there
is or is not a God or supreme being, and even if you assume there is
a God, God cannot be fully understood or defined. Some people might
think that it qualifies as an "undecided" position, but it is
stronger than that. Agnostics allow for the existence of a God, for
instance, while atheists do not. It's essentially a "we don't know,
so let's not assume anything" stance. Of course, different people who
refer to themselves as agnostics will have different opinions.
POSTED 7/30/1999
John K., Cranford, NJ, United States, <the-macs@geocities.com>
, 26, Male, Chemical Engineer, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 729199984155
The dictionary definition of an agnostic is someone who believes
it is not possible for us to know whether there is a God, but the
term is usually used to mean someone who does not know whether God
exists, who neither believes nor disbelieves. An agnostic does not
take a position, whereas an atheist believes God does not exist.
POSTED 7/30/1999
C.P., Montreal, Quebec, NA, Canada, 21, Female, Religious Studies
student, Mesg ID 729199992913
Agnostics do not "strongly doubt" the existence of God or show
indifference, as previous answers have suggested. Agnostics believe
that nothing is or can be known of the existence of God (i.e. I have
absolutely no idea.").
POSTED 7/30/1999
Tim M., Bagshot, NA, United Kingdom, 22, Male, Atheist, Straight,
Over 4 Years of College M esg ID 7301999124530
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Question:
Does anyone else have this problem? I cannot urinate in urinals or in
front of other men. Is this a problem only I have?
POSTED 7/29/1999
Paul, Phoenix, AZ, United States, 25, Male, Atheist, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Roofer, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
7179930303
Responses:
You are not alone. A lot of men have this problem. It has to do
with stress. You are unable to relax the mechanism through which your
urine flows. I find for myself, it is the prospect of peeing on
demand that causes the problem. When it occurs, it usually involves
large lines in restrooms, no privacy and a self-imposed need to
conclude my business quickly. All of these factors conspire against
me and as such I cannot readily pee. I have used biofeedback to relax
the process, and this helps immensely. Bottom line: It usually isn't
a hugh problem, just irritating.
POSTED 7/30/1999
Matthew C., New York, NY, United States, 40, Male, White/Caucasian,
Engineering, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class,Mesg ID
7291999101601
I too have trouble going in a urinal with other men present in the
men's room. I can't explain it, either. I told my wife about this
once, and she said it was homophobia, in that we are afraid other men
present are checking us out. I know damn well that the other men have
no interest in what my penis looks like, but it still makes the hair
on the back of my neck stand up. I think it is just a grown-up
version of "monster under my bed" syndrome. Also, have you ever
noticed while in the men's room that it is always quiet, like a
library? My wife says that women have no wash-room hangups. As my
wife puts it, "You could be having a big, smelly, poop in one stall
and have a casual conversation with a woman in the other stall who is
inserting a fresh tampon." Go figure.
POSTED 7/30/1999
Murray C., Halifax, NA, Canada, 31, Male, Agnostic, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Draftsman, Technical School , Middle class, Mesg ID
7291999121209
I also have that problem. Having spoken with many other male
friends, I can assure you it is a perfectly normal problem I refer to
as "stage fright." The best way I've found to avoid it is to either
wait until there is no one in the bathroom, find an alternate
bathroom or use the toilet stall.
POSTED 7/30/1999
Jeremy, N/A, WI, United States, 17, Male, Atheist, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Middle class, Mesg ID 729199940701
This is fairly common and has nothing to do with sex or modesty.
It is called "shy bladder" and even Elvis Presley couldn't urinate in
view of others. Once you admit you have the problem and realize it's
nothing weird, you can overcome it, most of the time by doing
something mentally absorbing, like trying to think of 20 cities that
begin with "M." Before you know it, the flow will start. (Be mindful
of your aim while doing this!) Sometimes, though, if you're nervous
or it's very crowded, it's best just to go to a toilet stall.
Ninety-five percent of the time I have no problem, but if I am going
to a large sporting event, for instance, I try to watch the fluid
intake a few hours before.
POSTED 7/30/1999
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 38, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
729199971432
My husband has this problem also, and it is much more common than
you think. It is called Paruresis, or "bashful bladder." Women can
also have this. There is no need to be embarrassed, and there is a
web site my husband goes to for help. http://www2.cy-net.net/richardz
(International Paruresis Association). This has been a blessing for
my husband and very supportive. You are NOT alone!
POSTED 7/30/1999
Jeni B., Boston, MA, United States, Female, Jewish, White/Caucasian,
Straight, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 729199985458
I'm afraid I have the same problem, and generally find myself
sitting down in a cubicle automatically. I assume it just goes to
show how insecure we are about our size...
POSTED 7/30/1999
Tom, Egham, NA, United Kingdom, 22, Male, Atheist, Straight, Over 4
Years of College, Mesg ID 7301999125038
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Question:
To Indian-American female college students: What are some of the
issues/difficulties you face in the college setting?
POSTED 7/29/1999
A. Schafer, Bowling Green, OH, United States, 22, Female,
White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 7189923503
Responses:
As a second-generation Indian female who has been brought up in a
sheltered, middle-class household, I have faced a lot of the same
issues all other Americans face while moving away (i.e. having to
adjust to a new environment, different people and different
pressures). I don't really think our experiences while going to
college specifically are different from those of others, but in
general, as fairly new immigrants we are forced to lead a
double-life. I consider myself fully Indian yet fully American at the
same time, which is difficult for a lot of people to understand. Many
organizations within the university exist so we can meet other people
in our situation, and we revel learning more about our culture while
also experiencing the all-American college life.
POSTED 7/30/1999
Priya, Berkeley, CA, United States, <priya_grewal@yahoo.com> ,
19, Female, Mesg ID 729199974215
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Question:
In this country, most discussions about race focus on blacks and
whites. Given that Asians outnumber both groups worldwide, I want to
know what blacks and Asians think about each other. Do blacks
consider Asians to be people of color? To what degree are Asians as
racist toward blacks as whites often are, or as racist toward whites
as blacks often are?
POSTED 7/29/1999
Jerry I., Atlanta, GA, United States, <bookjer@mindspring.com>
, 56, Male, Agnostic, Straight, Voiceover, Over 4 Years of College ,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 71999114551
Responses:
I can only respond based on my experience and observation.
Asians, as any other group, are just as vulnerable to the
generalizations, stereotyping and misrepresentation in media and
society in general. Because generalizations, stereotypes and
marginalization/misrepresentation of blacks is so rampant, there are
those who believe them and buy into them rather than question their
validity. It is unfortunate whenever members of these groups look
upon each other with suspiscion and malice, because in reality, both
suffer similar oppressions and marginalization. I would like to see
more collaboration between these two groups.
POSTED 7/30/1999
Alma, Clinton, IA, United States,
<mariano.elpidio@mcleodusa.net> , 46, Female, Catholic,
Filipino-American, Straight, Instructor, Over 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 7291999111719
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Question:
I've often wondered why many lesbians choose men's apparel in
clothing to appeal to women who are not interested in men. It seems
like a conundrum to me. I would think it would be the opposite:
Wearing sort of ultra-feminine clothing.
POSTED 7/26/1999
Rod H., Fort Lauderdale, FL, United States, Male, Mesg ID
7251999121919
Responses:
Women in the past and certainly at present have certain "fashion"
expectations put on them, by a world dominated by male designers. So
a lot of women already feel "forced" when it comes to clothing. We
are forced to emulate a style or fashion that is not ours and that we
wouldn't necessarily choose for ourselves. Men's clothing is cheaper,
made better, lasts longer and, above everything else, is far more
comfortable than the majority of women's clothing. (And remember,
most women make less money than most males in the United States, so
buying cheaper certainly makes sense.) On a more political and
psychological level, minority groups, whether they are people of
color or women, will find ways to emulate or challenge the power
structure - even if it is through fashion. Look at when women
demanded to be able to wear pants in public - around the 1930s. Why
did they have to demand the right to wear what they wanted to?
Because men made the laws and expected women to know their place,
which dictated among a host of things, clothing. Nowadays, some women
will adopt a mannish style of dress in order not to be sexually
harrassed, which makes sense, especially when women are attacked
physically and men don't want to take responsibility for their
actions and often cite that it was the clothing the woman was wearing
that provoked them to attack. Finally, when women wear men's
clothing, it is to say to the world that they do not want to be
pigeon-holed and that they are not going to give in to a
less-than-equitable power system. So if some men get p----d off or
intimidated in the process, all they need to do is don a tight,
uncomfortable dress and walk several miles in stilettos, and they,
too, will understand the position their power structure has put women
in.
POSTED 7/27/1999
Kim H., Minneapolis, MN, United States, <KCHines22@msn.com> ,
43, Female, Humanist, Black/African American, Lesbian, Actress,
Playwright and Director, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg
ID 727199985707
Most lesbians wear whatever clothes we like, without much regard
for what might appeal to other lesbians (let alone men). We are
dressing for ourselves, not potential mates. The vast majority of
lesbians wear women's clothing, whether it be ultra-feminine or just
plain old jeans and t-shirt. Men's clothing tends to be cut quite a
bit differently than most women are made. However, you might not
recognize women so attired as being lesbians. Lesbians who prefer
men's clothing may choose to wear it for several reasons. They simply
like the way it looks on themselves. Some femmes prefer butch-looking
women (and vice-versa). This is only part of an entire butch-femme
mystique that I am not going to go into here. Men's clothes may be
higher quality, less expensive, more comfortable, or cut looser for
heavier women. All kinds of reasons. I am most apt to find myself
looking in the men's department if I want a jacket with inside
pockets (particularly ski, denim or leather jacket with
multiple-inside pockets or inner ones that zip shut). I prefer
pockets to purses.
POSTED 7/27/1999
DykeOnByke, Southfield, MI, United States, <DykeOnByke@aol.com>
, 49, Female, White/Caucasian, Lesbian, Engineer, 4 Years of College
, Middle class, Mesg ID 727199992234
I'm not a lesbian, but from observance, it would seem that many
gay women are more comfortable with traditionally male fashions. I'm
sure that if it were as socially acceptable for men to wear blouses
and skirts as it is for women to wear masculine shirts and pants,
you'd probably see a lot of gay men (perhaps even a few straight
men!) dressed in women's fashions. In either case, it would seem to
be a matter of personal preference and not a ploy to attract a
mate.
POSTED 7/27/1999
Dan, La Salle, IL, United States, 22, Male, 2 Years of College, Mesg
ID 7271999102439
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Question:
Do any parents feel guilty about expecting their day care workers to
help raise their children?
POSTED 7/26/1999
Bren, Detroit, MI, United States, 25, Female, Pagan, White/Caucasian,
Bisexual, Day Care Director, 4 Years of College , Lower middle class,
Mesg ID 726199983741
Responses:
Day care is just what the name says it is: Care during the day.
It's not a substitute for parenting, and I don't feel guilty that my
kids spend some time there - particularly when it enables us to feed
and house them. Far from guilt, I'm quite happy they're in a place
where they make friends and where they're safe while we work. I don't
know of any parents who think day care workers are "raising" their
children, and it's presumptuous if that's what day care workers think
they're doing.
POSTED 7/27/1999
Andrew, Huntington, NY, United States, <ziptron@start.com.au> ,
35, Male, Jewish, White/Caucasian, Straight, 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 726199925327
It is not guilt as much as regret. I am divorcing and must work in
order to make ends meet. My son is involved in the selecting of
appropriate child care, as he will be the one going.
POSTED 7/27/1999
S. Wear, Atlanta, GA, United States, 33, Female, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Computer Programmer, Over 4 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 726199945046
I did, at first. I worried that the care people might do things
with the kids that we wouldn't. I don't mean abusive things, just
different role-modeling. But we eventually found a center that we
were really comfortable with, and stuck with it. We had to switch a
few times; that's how it is. I also was concerned at first when the
kids did and said things they clearly learned at care and not at
home, but I realized that that had to happen sooner or later, and it
doesn't bother me. Now my youngest is 7 and it's all ancient
history.
POSTED 7/27/1999
Jesse N., Herzliya, NA, Israel, 40, Male, Engineer, 4 Years of
College, Mesg ID 727199932013
I would think that most parents feel some degree of guilt over
having to place their children in child care. Sure, there are
examples of parents who ship their kids off to someone else so they
don't have to deal with them, but that is the exception, not the
rule. My wife and I are facing that decision right now. Neither one
of us earns enough money to pay all of the bills on our own, so both
of us have to work to get by. Also, it is not practical for either
one of us to work part-time, so that option is out. The only real
option that we have is daycare, which we would prefer not to do.
Thankfully, we have a few good options for day care, so the comfort
level is somewhat alleviated. But it's a very tough choice, and I
worry over it constantly. Maybe some other options will present
themselves when the time comes, but sometimes you have to do what you
have to do.
POSTED 7/26/1999
John K., Cranford, NJ, United States, <the-macs@geocities.com>
, 26, Male, Chemical Engineer, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 7261999111421
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Question:
I was raised with a very idealistic view of the church, but when I
began working as a church organist in my mid-teens, those ideals were
shattered by some very ugly experiences in church politics. I am
pursuing a career as an organist because I love the music, but my
disillusionment with the church itself lingers. Is disenchantment
with the church common among those who work there?
POSTED 7/26/1999
Mari, Orlando, FL, United States, 20, Female, Christian, raised
Methodist, White/Caucasian, Student/organist, 2 Years of College ,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 725199974633
Responses:
I have been brought up in many different churches, as I have
moved all around the country. I have found that people will let you
down wherever you go. The truth is not in the church, it is in the
God whom church is about. Look to Him first and foremost, and He will
never let you down. Otherwise, your "idealistic people" will shatter
your dreams. I too have seen many ugly things in church, but that is
the people, and many of them get too caught up in the actual church
that they forget the reason they're supposed to be there. My entire
family has been turned off to church, so I guess you could say it is
common. But we are not turned off to God. It just takes time to find
people who actually love Him, instead of power, or money or whatever
else. Don't lose heart.
POSTED 7/27/1999
Sarah, Rogers City, MI, United States, Female, Mesg ID 7271999123134
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Question:
My boyfriend wants to take me to meet his family at Passover. I don't
want to accidentally offend anyone, so I need to know what to expect.
What do I need to do, say, etc.? Any help would be appreciated.
POSTED 7/26/1999
T.R., San Jose, CA, United States, 17, Female, Mormon,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, Less than High School Diploma ,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 7261999122854
Responses
If you have questions about what you see and hear, I'd feel free
to ask them. I imagine his family would appreciate your interest.
There's nothing special you need to say or do, other than be willing
to learn about your boyfriend's family and religion.
POSTED 7/27/1999
Andrew, Huntington, NY, United States, <ziptron@start.com.au> ,
35, Male, Jewish, 4 Years of College , Middle class Mesg ID
726199925718
I've taken several non-Jewish boyfriends to family Sedars (that's
what the Passover dinner and ceremony is called), and they've had a
good time. Passover is a fun family holiday that's full of cultural
and religious tradition. My guess is that unless your boyfriend's
family is extremely religious and doesn't want him dating a 'shiksa'
(non-Jewish girl), his family will be eager to share the day with
you. Educate yourself a little about the holiday; ask your boyfriend
questions, and do some surfing (start with www.judaism.com). There
will probably be songs and prayers in Hebrew that you don't
understand - don't worry about it. No one will expect you to know
them. There will be lots of new foods too; Jews don't eat bread or
other leavened things at Passover. You might be put off a little by
chopped liver and gefillte fish with horseradish (but give them a
try), but most people love matzoh ball soup. There will also be lots
of wine (four glasses are consumed at various times during the
ceremony), so if you don't drink, tell your boyfriend to let your
parents know - there's usually grape juice provided for younger kids.
Above all, be polite and show respect and interest by learning a
little about the holiday and asking questions, and relax.
POSTED 7/26/1999
Rhiannon, Minneapolis, MN, United States, <rock0048@tc.umn.edu>
, 29, Female, Jewish, White/Caucasian, Mesg ID 7261999115228
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Question:
We operate an upscale portrait studio in Ohio. We did a family
portrait for a black family recently. As we entered the sales room,
which has several framed examples of our work, she stated "Why are
there no black families on these walls?" The tone was actually
hateful. I told her that we had never done a black family, but there
were several black senior portraits in the front room, and in the
portfolios. At this point, her husband told her to calm down. Why was
this woman so hateful? We advertise for senior portraits and do any
other business that comes in the front door. We have never turned
anyone away.
POSTED 7/26/1999
Larry, Vandalia, OH, United States, 46, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Photographer, 4 Years of College , Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 7251999115812
Responses:
Though the woman may have been rather harsh in her approach, you
must consider that many blacks frequently must deal with many
racially oriented slaps in the face, especially in their dealings -
both direct and indirect - with the larger "white" culture. While
your establishment apparently didn't deserve such a scathing
criticism (as evidenced by the husband's reaction), you must
understand that some black people may have a tendency to develop a
siege mentality when dealing with the white public. This is just a
defense mechanism, and you shouldn't take it personally.
POSTED 7/27/1999
Sam, Chicago, IL, United States, <SamAlex67@aol.com> , 31,
Male, Black/African American, Straight, Firefighter, High School
Diploma , Lower middle class, Mesg ID 7271999122421
Sam, I find it interesting that whites are supposed to understand
the black point of view, but blacks can interpret comments whites
make any way they wish. I have experienced much more hostility from
blacks than I ever demonstrated toward them. I agree with you.
though. that it does sound as though her husband's calmer sense
prevailed.
POSTED 7/29/1999
Kathy, Springfield, GA, United States, 46, Female, White/Caucasian,
Administrative assistant, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 7281999110139
I agree with Sam that you should not take her reaction personally.
As a member of a minority group, I, too, look for representation
among products out there in the market and find it frustrating when
only the white majority is represented. My daughters and I went to
the All American Girl Place in Chicago, and after browsing their
lower, middle and upper level and not finding one single doll that
accurately portrayed Asians with darker complexion, we went to the
manager and ask why they thought all Asians had light complexions and
why all the dolls had the same shape eyes. We would just like to be
able to see ourselves in the American mirror.
POSTED 7/30/1999
Alma M., Clinton, IA, United States,
<mariano.elpidio@mcleodusa.net> , 46, Female, Catholic,
Filipino-american, Straight, Instructor, Over 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 7291999110015
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Question:
I was browsing a Usenet group the other day and saw a posting by an
African-American man who referred to young, white women as "Meagans."
I have never heard an African-American man use this term to refer to
a white woman (at least not in front of me). Is "Meagan" a common
expression or just this one guy's term? I also got the feeling it was
derogatory. Is it?
POSTED 7/26/1999
Crystal, Oakland, CA, United States, 30's, Female, Pagan,
White/Caucasian, Straight, 2 Years of College, Mesg ID 5319974910
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Question:
Do most people think leaders of the religions of today are doing a
good job helping others understand and open their hearts to other
religions and people? Or are they mainly trying to show us, by all
means, that there is no other truth but their own? What will happen
to the world if all religions stay stuck in their own world and don't
want to open up to other religions? Should they, or should they not?
Will there be more ethnic cleansing, or will there be a single
religion to replace all others to show the path of the soul and
spirit?
POSTED 7/23/99
Sultan O., Geneva, NA, Switzerland, <sogva@iprolink.ch>, Mesg
ID 7189953958
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Question:
A teacher/colleague told me that we shouldn't expect black students
to sit still in class and not speak out because their culture
conditions them to be aggressive and active in classroom situations.
Is this true?
POSTED 7/23/99
Julie E., Lincoln, NE, United States, 31, Female, Presbyterian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Educator/Musician, Over 4 Years of College
, Middle class, Mesg ID 72399123618
Responses:
I bet the teacher who gave you this little gem of information
about black students was white. I've been dealing with students for
more than 25 years. What I have observed is this: The school system
reflects the values and mores of the dominate culture (white), so
there is an emphasis put on control - the controling of one's
emotions, actions, thoughts, etc. This particular value judgment can
be quite detrimental to students who are kinetic learners. Kinetic
learners come in all colors and in both genders.. Obviously your
teacher friend has taken the word "kinetic" out of the equation and
has replaced it with very loaded and subjective words like
"aggressive," which means that any of her students whose best way of
learning a subject that does not embrace sitting quietly and in
control of their actions is likely to get labelled any number of
things. Unfortunately, in the U.S. school system labeling starts
early and follows the student all the way into their adult years.
Labeling is one of the prime culprits of kids developing poor
self-esteem. This is exactly how students of color get labeled and
erroneously put in remedial classes, or have negative assumptions
made about their intelligence. If more schools provided different
styles of learning, negative assumptions about students wouldn't be
so prevalent.
POSTED 7/26/1999
Kim H., Minneapolis, MN, United States, <KCHines22@msn.com> ,
43, Female, Humanist, Black/African American, Actress, Playwright and
Director, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
7251999105217
Your friend has made a sweeping generalization of "black" culture.
It is true that I like to speak out in class, though considering my
dad's a lecturer and my mum and her family have a tradition of public
speaking, I have always been taught to speak my mind. However, I am
not aggressive at all (I have always been brought up to be polite),
and like to convey a certain amount of intelligence. Black culture is
composed of a multitude of subcultures. These cultures are so
numerous and differing that it is impossible to dictate one overall
behavior for black people. I also know too many people to whom the
cultural rule you have stated does not apply. For instance, my
sister, who is incredibly quiet and placid.
POSTED 7/26/1999
Eli, Oxford, NA, United Kingdom, 17, Female, Atheist,
Ghanian/English, Straight, Student, High School Diploma, Mesg ID
723199925021
Ridiculous. It sounds like the theory of an armchair
anthropologist.
POSTED 7/26/1999
C.C., Northern New Jersey, NJ, United States, 44, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, Attorney, Over 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 7251999124827
I went to a high school that had roughly 50 percent black students
and 50 percent white students. Black students were just as capable of
being attentive in class as white students. I would think the reasons
for being disruptive in class are more personal than
race-related.
POSTED 7/26/1999
Mark, San Francisco, CA, United States, 28, Male, White/Caucasian,
Computer dude, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
723199963224
I don't know where your friend is from and who gave him/her this
information, but it's erroneous. As an African American and educator,
I would say this form of behavior has not been cultivated in me or
others I know. As with all children, you have to set boundaries of
acceptable and unacceptable classroom behavior and appropriately
reinforce them. Assume nothing; everything must be taught.
POSTED 7/26/1999
Arnell, Boston, MA, United States, Male, Christian, Black/African
American, Gay, Educator, 4 Years of College , Middle class,Mesg ID
725199954059
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Question:
I have recently been playing soccer with Latino immigrants. We are
only playing "pick-up" games, so it would seem that fun and exercise
are the only real purposes of playing. We don't even keep score most
of the time. I am amazed at how little sportsmanship is displayed on
the field. Everyone seems to be having a great time before and after
the game, but during the game they play as if it were life and death,
fouling and cheating the entire time. These are not untalented
players trying to make up for lack of skills. My friend from Columbia
tells me there is no Spanish word for "sportsmanship." But surely the
concept is not absent from Latino culture. Is this "blood sport"
mentality just a logical extension of "machismo"?
POSTED 7/24/1999
Mark .D., Atlanta, GA, United States, <artigiano@aol.com> , 35,
Male, Agnostic, White/Caucasian, Straight, Carpenter, Over 4 Years of
College , Upper middle class, Mesg ID 724199955048
Responses:
The Royal Academy of the Spanish Tongue would feel insulted if
they read this one. Sportsmanship in Spanish is "deportivismo." You
will notice the killer attitude in sports in Latin culture just as
much as you would notice it in a "friendly" football game in Kansas
City (been there, done that ... got tackled to death). Now about the
cheating and fouling: Dishonesty is a trait that is widespread in
certain Latin American countries. Your friend from Colombia can tell
you more about that one.
POSTED 7/27/1999
Nelson A., Caracas, NA, Venezuela, 30, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian/Latino, Lawyer/Business, Over 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 727199962422
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