Best of the Week
of Aug. 4, 2002
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Aug. 4, 2002, as selected
by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from
previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s database using
the search form, or, in the case of
answers posted before April 24, 1999, in the
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the database as
well). In the Original Archives, as well as in the database, you will
find questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer any questions
relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask any
provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily
meant to represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can
provide a window into the insights of an individual from that
group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
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answering questions.
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Question:
As a gay man, I have
noticed that quite often the people who have expressed their
disapproval of my orientation are not religious; many even claim to
be atheists. How do they justify their attitudes? I can disagree with
people with religious motivation while still understanding their
reasoning, but it escapes me why people who profess no interest in,
or lack belief in, a supreme being or beings would be so vehement in
their thought. Any ideas?
POSTED
8/5/2002
Santiparam,
Southington, CT, United States, <Santiparam@hotmail.com>, 23,
Male, Methodist, White/Caucasian, Gay, Musician, Over 4 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 72200271846
Responses:
As an atheist but not a
homophobe, I am baffled by this question. Are you implying that only
people with some form of religious conviction can feel strongly about
anything? Surely it is obvious that if someone determines that they
disapprove of something on their own without it being declared a sin,
they will have just as strong a feeling about it. You also seem to
think that all atheists have an "anything goes" attitude. You imply
that if you said you "interfered" with farmyard animals, then because
atheists have no religious reason for finding this disgusting, they
would be happy for you to carry on like that. I cannot understand why
anyone would disapprove of anyone's sexual preferences, as long as
they are consensual. However, to assume that those without religion
have no moral code or no vehement beliefs is naive and insulting.
Atheists have a lack of belief in God, not a lack of morals. The two
are not mutually exclusive.
POSTED 8/5/2002
Bert, London, NA,
United Kingdom, 31, Male, Atheist, White/Caucasian, Straight, Lower
middle class, Mesg ID 85200292312
To quote Isaac Asimov
in Foundation: 'When did prejudice ever follow any laws but its
own?'
POSTED 8/9/2002
Campbell M., Glasgow,
NA, United Kingdom, <campannexe@yahoo.co.uk>, 42, Male,
Atheist, White/Caucasian, Straight, asperger's syndrome, computer
programmer, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 85200263231
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Question:
I've noticed when
I've gone to almost all-white college bars that I am THE MAN. It's
almost like I'm a celebrity, as in, "Hey! It's THE Black Guy!" What's
that about?
POSTED
8/5/2002
Tola, Silver Spring,
MD, United States, 23, Male, Catholic, Black/African American, 4
Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 724200281335
Responses:
I do not have the answer.
Working as an ortho tech at a Dayton hospital, I know when white men
enter certain black bars, they are at risk. The story is usually the
same: A young white male in the 'wrong' bar. It happens too often.
They come to our ER by ambulance beaten to a pulp, wallet gone,
nobody saw a THING. I counter your question by asking, why isn't the
WHITE patron 'the man' instead of 'the target'? I have seen enough
cracked skulls.
POSTED 8/6/2002
Diana E., Dayton, OH,
United States, 28, Female, White/Caucasian, Ortho Tech, Technical
School, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 85200272957
Well, Diana, to keep
the white males you speak of from being victims, obviously they
shouldn't go where they are not wanted. Too many times I've been in
bars frequented by a majority black clientele, where some obnoxious
white guys showed up to harass a group of people together minding
their own business. If you don't want trouble, don't go looking for
it, or start it.
POSTED 8/9/2002
Gail L., Chicago, IL,
United States, Female, Mesg ID 882002123539
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Question:
I just finished a
project conducting surveys in Texas from teachers who left their jobs
and from individuals with bachelor's degrees who choose not to enter
the teaching field. The goal was to identify areas that discourage
people from teaching. The surprise was that only a third of the
responses showed one of the factors as being low pay. The two most
prevelant factors preventing Americans from teaching were 'student
and parent behavior.' And those people contacted didn't just answer
the surveys, many attached detailed comments stating the situations
they had encountered or had seen others subjected to that affected
their decisions. I volunteered at a job fair recently and watched
people continually pass by school district booths. One man told me
he'd rather work at a convenience store than teach because he had
less chance of being continually insulted and/or bullied by kids and
parents. At the risk of opening a Pandora's box, I'd like to hear the
pros and cons of this issues from parents, teachers and students. Are
the kids and the parents really that bad?
POSTED
8/5/2002
Alma, Kempner, TX,
United States, 49, Female, Methodist, White/Caucasian, Lesbian,
government employee, 4 Years of College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID
7312002105050
Responses:
Yes, it is that bad. I
taught for a little more than two years, and you couldn't pay me
enough to go back. Regardless of the fact that I have doubled my
salary since leaving teaching, pay had nothing to do with why I left.
The kids have no respect and their parents don't allow them to take
responsibility for their actions. After my experience, I am all for a
resurgence of a 1950s-style education system with desks in rows and
hands folded ... the kind of education system where if a child says
he got in trouble in school, his parents' first reaction is to ground
him rather than run to school and yell at the teacher for doing his
or her job. Parents are so gung-ho on 'kids' rights' that they've
lost sight of 'kids' responsibilities.'
POSTED 8/5/2002
Danielle, Southern, NJ,
United States, 27, Female, White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 85200254957
A few years ago I was
considering becoming a teacher. I thought it would be really
rewarding to help people discover the joys of learning, or at least
help them learn. But after attending college, I absolutely would not
want to be a teacher. Most of my classmates were there only to 'get'
a degree by doing as little mental work as possible, and they had no
interest in or mastery of the subjects they spent months supposedly
learning - making their degrees more of an attendance/completion
record than representative of any knowledge gained. I witnessed the
majority of students arriving to class late, leaving early, talking
throughout class with friends, answering cell phones during lectures,
complaining to professors about homework assignments, not doing
reading assignments and then blaming the professor for their
confusion during class, and arguing about upcoming tests. I also
witnessed many students reporting really good teachers to the heads
of the department for 'giving too much work' - even though the work
involved only reading and was required in order to fully understand
the upcoming lecture. Usually, in a class of about 24 or more
students, only four on average would produce quality work, attempt to
learn anything and treat the professor with respect. If I were a
teacher, I would find that extremely disconcerting. In addition, the
students didn't want to learn. They didn't want to put in the effort
but still wanted their college degree at the end of the
program.
POSTED 8/5/2002
Jay, New York, NY,
United States, Female, White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 85200275708
I am a high school
science teacher in the inner city. I remember my professor said:
'Most of you will be gone after five years. It won't be the kids but
the system you have to put up with.' Unfortunately, he was right.
After two years, most of us are looking for other jobs outside of
teaching. I teach in a school without enough classrooms, books or
anything else, for that matter. As for the students, yes, some have
no respect for teachers and will make your life miserable. What gets
you through the day are the ones who want to learn. That's who I'm
there for. Ninety-eight percent of my discipline problems come from
students who know they can do what they want and face no negative
consequences. They don't care if you fail them. The parents can't or
won't help. In some cases, there is backlash against the teacher if
the principal gets involved. Some principals would much rather have
no learning taking place than having to explain to a superintendent
why the level of suspensions has increased. I could go on. I disagree
with one poster who said we should go back to the '50s. Society has
changed since then. We have single-and two-income parents. What is
true is that it takes a village to raise a child. There needs to be a
shared understanding among parents, teachers, students, school
officials and the community of what their responsibilities are and
how they will be held accountable.
POSTED 8/9/2002
Steve, New York, NY,
United States, 31, Male, Black/African American, Teacher, Over 4
Years of College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 88200254447
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Question:
I have been to a few
places in the world and seen quite a few people of different
nationalities in the last few years, and I've got to say, we Brits
have to be among the most unfriendly people there are. I stayed in a
youth hostel in London and shared a room with two American visitors.
When they saw me, they smiled and introduced themselves with
handshakes, etc. Brits would never be like that. They would more
likely give you a mean look if you stared at them too long. Put a
Brit in a room with two other Brits and they would more than likely
ignore each other. Paranoa would probably exist, too. It's like if
someone were on holiday in Arizona and they hailed from California. A
local would probably say to him, 'Hi buddy, how ya doing?' and they
would open up. If a local in England did that to another Brit, they
would probably stare at them like they had just fallen out of a dog's
bottom. Why is this?
POSTED
8/5/2002
Robert S., Poole,
NA, United Kingdom, <rms6859@yahoo.com>, 26, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Mesg ID 852002105254
Responses:
I am shocked that you find
your countrymen so unfriendly. I am British, and I'm about as
friendly as you can get. Whenever I encounter other Brits here in the
United States (of all races), I always talk to them, and they are
always extremely friendly. Whenever I go back home with my boyfriend,
he loves it, says he gets treated like a king by all. He also says
that whenever he meets English people and tells them his girlfriend
is from England, there's an immediate bond. The British in general
are more reserved than Americans, but you shouldn't misconstrue that
as hostility; they just take more time to warm up to strangers.
Conversely, some Americans are so friendly it can be overwhelming, a
little too-much-in-your-business.
POSTED 8/9/2002
Jay, New York, NY,
United States, Female, White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 862002103811
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Question:
Regarding the recent Arizona forest fire: I saw on the news an
Indian spokesperson describing the devastation to the Navajo nation.
The spokesperson demanded the culprit be caught and brought to trial.
As we now know, a member of the Navajo nation intentionally started
the blaze. A second fire, a signal fire started by a woman lost in
the wilderness, later merged with the first fire. Here is what
bothers me: After it was reported that a member of the Navajo nation
started the first fire, another Navajo spokesperson begged for
understanding and sympathy for the tribe member. A few days later,
these same people went public wanting the woman who started the
signal fire charged with a crime. If I were lost and dying of thirst,
I'd start a signal fire. What are these people thinking? If they want
sympathy for a tribe member who started a fire out of greed, where is
the sympathy for a desperate and very thirsty white woman?
POSTED 7/29/2002
Tad B., Fairfield, OH, United States, 47, Male,
White/Caucasian, Middle class, Mesg ID 728200295107
Responses:
First, the Navajos were not involved at all, except that they are
also being blamed collectively by many whites (including ones like
yourself who can't tell the difference between Apache and Navajo).
All Indians in the Southwest are having to suffer through this, and
you are an excellent example of what is adding to the problem. One of
the two firestarters was a member of the White Mountain Apache tribe.
He started the fire because he needed the work, being a firefighter
himself. It was hardly 'greed,' anymore than a man stealing to feed
his family is 'greed.' The White Mountain reservation has
unemployment close to 50 percent, and most people are desperately
poor. Like this white woman lost in the desert, what he did was an
act of desperation done by a person who did not think of how he was
harming thousands of others. They should be both treated the same,
yet neither the law nor much of the white public is doing so. The
white woman is not being charged, while the Apache man is. The
atmosphere in much of Arizona has become incredibly tense, with many
whites blaming all Apaches, or even all Indians, for what one has
done. There have been many threats and intimidation, and we can only
hope and work for this not getting more serious. That is what those
Indian spokesmen were trying to do, appeal to the goodness and
fairness in people's hearts, for equal treatment.
POSTED 8/5/2002
A.C.C., Phoenix, AZ, United States, Male, Mexican and American
Indian (Mescalero Apache), Mesg ID 731200291751
Where is the sympathy for the black boy beaten by the cops in
California among many white Americans? A great number of blacks do
not justify what happened to him, but whites do. And I believe this
siuation is no different for what happened to the Navajo nation. Your
cultural perception of what is 'wrong' is different than other
peoples' cultural perceptions. And worse, if you grapple with subtle
racism, you may feel a sense of empathy with your own race that you
might not feel with other groups. I am not saying this is a white
thing; every racial group is guilty of this at some level. Anyway, I
don't know the specific details of Native American culture, but I do
know they are more spiritual and connected with things of nature than
mainstream American society. Perhaps within their culture the
solution to getting out of such a situation (being lost in the
forest)should not have been starting a fire if the person didn't know
how to correctly use it. And with the history white people have had
with Native Americans, I can understand from their position why they
would be more harsh. How can they really tell from their perspective
if this woman started the fire intentionally or for help? Perhaps
they can be more forgiving of their own race starting the fire,
because they feel deep down inside that even with this action, the
person is not a threat. With a white person starting the fire, they
may feel differently, and not really trust her explanation. Of
course, psychologically this situation could also be a sense of
racial justice, like the O.J. Simpson trial was for many African
Americans. The white woman in this case would be to them as Mark
Furman was to blacks: a representation of all the racism and cruelty
of the acts the white race has committed against them. She may have
been unfairly judged by her race because of this, because her case
may be the only way for a moment that justice could be sought for the
bad things white America has done to the Navajo - or other Native
American tribes, for that matter.
POSTED 8/5/2002
Kristina, Washington, DC, United States, 21, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, Transcriber, 2 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 7312002115101
You are correct that the Navajo Nation came out with a plea of
sympathy for the Native American who set one of the fires in hopes of
being employed to help put out the fire. The Nation was as appalled
at his behavior as anyone else. I do not know if the country was
privy to the actual news conference wherein discloure was made that
the woman would not be prosecuted for setting the second fire,
however I live in Arizona and the conference was notoriously absent
of Native Americans. The vast majority of people who expressed their
anger and grief at this woman not being prosecuted were NOT Native
Americans. The very angry crowd was made up of the home owners who
had lost all their property and livelihood. You are incorrect in your
assertation that the 'same' people, meaning the Nation, expressed no
concern for the 'white' woman. If you can separate the two incidents,
the Nation quickly and honorably spoke up for their misguided brother
and begged for understanding to keep the sometimes tenuous 'peace'
toward Native Americans, but has, at least publicly, remained silent
regarding the 'white' woman's fate. By the way, the majority of
forest destroyed comprised more than 60 percent of the land
designated as the reserve that is the livelihood of Native Americans
in the logging industry. It was a sad and tragic loss for all.
POSTED 8/5/2002
Serene, Chandler, AZ, United States, 43, Female, 2 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 84200260000
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Question:
If a woman wears an
extremely revealing short skirt, her look is often called sleazy. If
she wears a top that shows a lot of cleavage, that is called sleazy.
But can a man dress 'sleazy'? If so, what part of his body would he
be revealing to the eye too much?. A man dressed up to go to a
nightclub doesn't generally reveal as much flesh as a woman
would.
POSTED
8/5/2002
Rob S., Poole, NA,
United Kingdom, <rms6859@yahoo.com>, 26, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Mesg ID 731200230341
Responses:
How about the men who wear
their shirts unbuttoned to the middle of their chests to reveal a
bunch of gold chains and chest hair? Add a pair of polyester slacks
and loafers without socks, and you've got pure sleaze.
POSTED 8/5/2002
Jennifer, San Jose, CA,
United States, 27, Female, Engineer, 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 852002113029
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Question:
Why do women shave
their legs? Where was the practice started, and what perpetuated it
into contemporary times? Every time I try to look up anything about
it on the net I get directed to a fetish site.
POSTED
8/5/2002
G. Bruce, Sydney,
NA, Australia, Mesg ID 84200272218
Responses:
I shave my legs because I
like them to be smooth and look smooth, and I feel more feminine
after removing the body hair. Not that I have much, but I still like
to be completely hairless. I can't really educate you on where or
when the leg shaving of women started. I think it has a lot to do
with the society we live in, which places emphasis on personal
hygiene, as far as bathing, hair washing, etc. It may also be due to
the great importance we place on appearence. So for a female to have
body hair is the worst sin she could ever commit. So why do men shave
their faces? I'm wondering why you didn't ask that as opposed to
women shaving their legs. Could it be to have smoother,
better-looking skin or to maintain their appearance? Probably the
reasons men shave their faces are the same for why women shave their
legs: for touchable skin and for looks. Why did you think we shave?
Surely it isn't for our health.
POSTED 8/7/2002
Monique M., Ft. Myers,
FL, United States, 16, Female, Pentecostal, Black/African American,
Straight, Less than High School Diploma, Middle class, Mesg ID
87200291836
I'm not sure, but I can
speculate a bit. I know that in Renaissance art, women are often
shown having no body hair at all. Hair on the body was considered a
sign of power and strength. Men wanted to view women as weaker and
yielding, and thus portrayed them with no body hair. Perhaps this
survives in our time as a norm of being 'lady-like.'
POSTED 8/9/2002
S. Hawkins, Houston,
TX, United States, 33, Female, Christian, White/Caucasian, Straight,
TV production, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
87200230237
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Question:
If homosexuality is
not a choice, do gay people feel angry or bitter about being among
the 'chosen' 10 percent? I think I would be angry about having to
live a lesbian lifestyle if I had not been given a choice.
POSTED
8/5/2002
Straight, Catskill,
NY, United States, Mesg ID 6212002102235
Responses:
I don't know of any black
people who are angry over having been born black. I don't know any
left-handers (including my partner Greg) who are angry over having
been born left-handed in a culture geared toward right-handedness.
And while I am aware that some gay people (especially those who are
conservative Christians) are so bitter about their sexual orientation
that they choose to mask it with heterosexual behavior, I have never
been angry about being gay. I have viewed the world and other people
through the same eyes and mind as I've had since birth. I was neither
traumatized nor 'seduced.' Being gay is as natural to me and as
fundamental to my being as liking food. God has also blessed me with
a wonderful spouse, with whom I have a loving, nurturing and
monogamous relationship. This 'lifestyle,' as you call it, is nothing
to be angry about as far as I can see.
POSTED 8/5/2002
Chuck A., Spring Hill,
WV, United States, <PolishBear@aol.com>, 43, Male, Catholic,
Gay, AIDS educator/radio announcer, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
85200263138
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Question:
What is it with teenagers not being able to behave in a public
place, be it the train (jumping around and making noise), the theater
(trying to see who can be the last to clap when applause for a song
is over) or a store (making fun of all the merchandise)? Is the peer
pressure to act cool and daring that strong now?
POSTED 7/29/2002
Sarah C., San Francisco, CA, United States, 24, Female,
Agnostic, Asian, Over 4 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID
76200231801
Responses:
I admit I can get a little rowdy in public at times, even though I'm
pretty much your age. Basically, me and my friends are a bunch of
goofballs and we like to have fun. Part of that is making fun where
there is no fun, such as on buses and trains, in the store or on any
old boring sidewalk of this city. For instance, I'm a big lug but am
somewhat acrobatic, so I like to climb on stuff (poles, rails, roofs,
walls, etc.) and monkey around while acting like a dork. I have
nobody to impress and enjoy stuff like that. However, I'll never
disrespect, harass or intentionally annoy anybody (although I'm
certain unintentional annoyance occurs frequently), and I'll usually
chastise anybody around me who's doing that. People who do that are
immature nitwits who don't know what 'respect' is.
POSTED 8/5/2002
Dan, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 23, Male, Pentecostal,
Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Student, 4 Years of College, Lower
middle class, Mesg ID 7312002114836
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