Best of the Week
of Aug. 8, 2004
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Aug. 8, 2004, as selected
by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from
previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s database using
the search form , or, in the case of posted
before April 24, 1999, in the Original
Archives (all questions from the Original Archives have
been entered into the database as well). In the Original Archives, as
well as in the database, you will find questions that have received
answers, as well as questions still awaiting responses. You are
encouraged to answer any questions relevant to your demographic
background, as well as to ask any provocative question you desire.
Answers posted are not necessarily meant to represent the views of an
entire demographic group, but can provide a window into the insights
of an individual from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop
at Y?'s guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Buy the book on
Y?
"I
Can't
Believe You
Asked That!"
(Perigee,
2004)
Question:
OK I am 12 and in seventh grade. I got my parents to buy me a
Gothic outfit. My mom said I could wear Goth as long I don't do devil
worship. For a while my mood was good, but then my mom's mood went
bad about it. And my dad is totally against Goth. But I liked it and
feel my grades were improving. Then mom and I went to the store for
clothes and she started cursing at me for picking black. I feel
trapped. I thought I had found something I liked. Does anyone have
any advice, stuff to tell my dad so he accepts Goth? Please hurry, I
need help fast.
POSTED 8/9/2004
River, Heath, OH, United States, 12, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Less than High School Diploma, Lower
middle class, Mesg ID 7182004111221
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Question:
Is Kabbalah a religion, a cult, or the new fad for celebrities?
Is there any truth to the teachings of Kabbalah, or is it just an
interpretation of the Torah from an insurance salesman?
POSTED 8/9/2004
K.M., Long Island, NY, United States, Mesg ID 7262004112040
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Question:
OK guys, tell an old white lady what the meaning of black males
wearing long white t-shirts is. I've heard it was something racial
and just wanted to be in the know
POSTED 8/9/2004
Cheri, Philly, PA, United States, 50, Female, White/Caucasian,
Programmer, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
7302004115253
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Question:
I'm black but feel I should have been born white. Why is it OK for
someone to feel as if they should have been born a different gender,
but not a different race? What's the difference? Since we have gender
reassignment (sex change) surgery, why can't we also have surgery to
change our race? If people can't change their race, they also
shouldn't be allowed to change their gender.
POSTED 7/12/2004
BlackNoMore, n/a, AR, United States, Christian, Black/African
American, Straight, Middle class, Mesg ID 630200470933
Responses:
I'm black but feel I should have been born white. Why is it OK for
someone to feel as if they should have been born a different gender,
but not a different race? What's the difference? Since we have gender
reassignment (sex change) surgery, why can't we also have surgery to
change our race? If people can't change their race, they also
shouldn't be allowed to change their gender.
POSTED 7/12/2004
BlackNoMore, n/a, AR, United States, Christian, Black/African
American, Straight, Middle class, Mesg ID 630200470933
Now this is the most intriguing question I think I've ever seen on Y?
Forum. Please, give us some more insight into why you feel you were
born the wrong color, and what, if anything, can realistically be
done to change that circumstance (Michael Jackson
notwithstanding).
POSTED 8/8/2004
E.D., Kansas City, MO, United States, 48, Female, Black/African
American, Mesg ID 714200492000
For one, why white? You haven't explained what it is about white
people that appeals to you. Second, if it's that you don't want your
hobbies and interest to only relate to what most black people find
interesting, then you only need to look within yourself to define
what it is that makes you who you are and not what other black people
feel you should be. If it's only a matter of skin color, then you are
not happy with yourself. The surgery question is bizarre because
there is no rule saying you cannot change your skin color. Look at
Michael Jackson.
POSTED 8/8/2004
J.P. Schumi, Sterling, VA, United States, 27, Male, Agnostic,
Black/African American, Straight, Middle class, Mesg ID
715200424231
I don't mean to be unsympathetic, but either this is a hoax or you're
mentally unstable. Might I suggest a good therapist in lieu of
changing your race? Geez, if you hate yourself this much, I can only
imagine how you feel about other African Americans. You sound like a
danger not only to yourself but to innocent folks who happen to like
and love who they are. If this is real, get professional counseling.
If it's a hoax, get a damn hobby.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Rhonda P. Outlaw, Laurelton, NY, United States, 42, Female, Lutheran,
Black/African American, Straight, Account Rep, 2 Years of College,
Mesg ID 7162004104830
Feeling that you have been born the wrong gender often has a
biological basis. Men and women are 'hard-wired' differently. What
would be your reasons for wanting to change your race?To be more
attractive? More successful? Funnier? Smarter? No race has the
monopoly on any of those qualities.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Kimberla K., Brooklyn, NY, United States, 34, Female, Atheist,
Black/African American, Bisexual, Management, 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 7162004111948
All the skin lightener in the world won't change your heritage. It's
who you are. Learn to change the things you can and accept the things
you can't.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Keimo, Milwaukee, WI, United States, 20, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, student, Middle class, Mesg ID 718200410202
Our identity is partly defined by our gender and our race. I am a
Caucasian male, but that is not the most important part of my
identity. Being a Christian is far more important to me. But if you
don't want to go there, we have many choices to make in our lives. We
can choose a career, a lifestyle, our health (by choosing a healthy
lifestyle), our degree of physical fitness, our level of education,
where to live and a host of other factors. If we choose one area and
make it our fixation, then we make ourselves miserable.
POSTED 8/8/2004
A. Urbonas, Edmonton, Alberta, NA, Canada, Mesg ID 718200493934
You can change your skin color, but your race is determined by your
parents. Michael Jackson's skin color changed, but he's still
considered to African American. Why do you want to change color so
badly? There's nothing wrong with being black. Maybe it's just the
part of the country you live in that makes you feel the way you do.
Don't let other people convince you that you're any less. Here in
Detroit, all our mayors for the last 40 years have been black. Be
proud of who you are.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Taz, Detroit, MI, United States, 33, Male, Mesg ID 719200481316
Are people telling you that you shouldn't do something because black
people don't do it? It sounds more like your feelings are due to
problems in society rather than your own problems. Racial identity is
a social concept. But you are not responsible for other people's
biggotry. I would suggest you accept that you look the way you look,
and go out and feel free to ignore any rules you want about 'acting
black.' If people won't accept you for doing that, are they really
the sort of friends you want anyway?
POSTED 8/8/2004
Matt, Oxford, GA, United States, 26, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
720200434026
No matter what people say, black people are still looked down upon in
society. In the media, white is beautiful and black is just so-so.
This may be why you feel the way you do. Besides, Michael Jackson has
bascially changed his race, and people think he's weird because of
it.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Senta, Herndon, VA, United Kingdom, Mesg ID 722200422606
I don't know where to start. How would one go about chaging their
race? If you feel you are 'white,' then become white. Is it your
looks, behavior, attitude, what? Being a human being is what defines
us. Yes, there are many differences between races, but it is mostly
based on cultural and regional factors. As human beings, we all share
the joys and pain of life. You were born to be exactly who you are.
Cherish the gift of life that God has given you. Surely God did not
make a mistake.
Someone recently asked me if I ever thought about being 'white.' I
thought about it for about two seconds and said, 'No, never crossed
my mind.' However, I have thought that if I were to be born again,
would I want to still be black? The answer is yes. Love yourself and
you will find happiness.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Harvey, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 51, Male, Catholic,
Black/African American, Straight, Sales, 2 Years of College, Upper
class, Mesg ID 726200471510
Here's a loaded question. I question the idea of 'race.' I have
met blond Latinos. People born in Latin American countries are Latin
- even the blond ones. I have met black Cubans who get angry when
they are referred to as 'African Americans' because they aren't
American, and call themselves Latin. I have sat in front of someone
on the bus saying, 'Dog, you a fool for axing me dat, yo. Course you
can chill at my crib', but when they got off at their stop, I was
surprised to see it was someone white. Historically, people were
associated with their country (Othello was a Moor, not 'a black guy,'
for example). Race is a relatively new concept. But specifically,
what would you change? Your nose? Hair? Color of skin? Vernacular?
Where you live? Turn the bass down in your car? Eat coleslaw instead
of collards? What? 'Race' is very vague. But with a sex change, it's
clear what you are changing. I know one man who often dresses as a
woman, but even when he doesn't, you feel like you are with a woman.
The energy is just different. So I think you are trying to justify
your objections to sex change operations by comparing apples to
lawnmowers.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Craig, Minneapolis, MN, United States, 41, Male, White/Caucasian,
Gay, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 82200495730
You are who you are. It doesn't matter what color your skin is. It's
not you who has the problem, it's the people around you who think the
color of your skin should dictate how you act and speak. You could
die your skin purple and you'd still be you. Don't focus on your
race, focus on your soul.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Jamie, Milwaukee, WI, United Kingdom, 28, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, 2 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID
84200425104
I do not object to sex change operations at all. I just don't
understand how we can have sex change operations but not race change
operations. Everyone doesn't like their race, either. As for changing
my race, I'd like to change my skin color and make my nose a little
thinner. If people don't percieve me as black, they won't treat me
like one. I won't experience any more bigotry, and I won't have to
deal with the ridicule from other blacks telling me that I am 'acting
white.' Plus I've always liked white culture more. I don't like rap
music, urban clothes, soul food and other things pertaining to black
culture. Even as a child, I refused to play with black dolls. I would
only play with white dolls. I also preferred to play with white
children more than black children. I've always felt as if I should
have been born white. There should be procedures available to change
your race.
POSTED 8/9/2004
BlackNoMore, n/a, na, United States, Christian, Black/African
American, Straight, Middle class, Mesg ID 89200462432
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Question:
Is there a secret among Jehovah's Witnesses and gay men
marrying to hide their homosexuality? I know a man who recently
married and is a Jehovah's Witness but needs to come out of the
closet. He was born and raised as a Jehovah's Witness and makes
constant references to homosexuals. He has described seeing married
couples and friends of his engage in secret, men-only orgy-type
dinner parties.
POSTED 8/9/2004
Lynn M., Dayton, OH, United States, 38, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, healthcare, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
83200490157
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Question:
Do people in 'higher society' think about the way they communicate
with those on a 'lower level,' or is their attempt at communication
the same?
POSTED 7/12/2004
Rebecca G., Porterville, CA, United States, 28, Female, Baptist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student/homemaker, High School Diploma,
Lower middle class, Mesg ID 621200444327
Responses:
My annual income is over $100,000, and I have a college degree. I
hope I never 'talk down' or demean someone who may be of a different
socio-economic class than me. As long as someone uses proper English
and is respectful, I will address them in the same manner. I do feel
that proper English is important and prefer if someone pronounces
words correctly, i.e. "library," not "liberry." Otherwise, I'm not
sure how I would know someone is of a lower class - unless it is made
obvious in a way other than communication.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Kathy, Springfield, IL, United States, 51, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 727200473046
I highly doubt that people in 'higher society' even think about how
they talk to people. They're probably interested in their jobs and
what kind of scandals they can get away with due to them being in the
'higher society,' as it's put. I also highly doubt that trying to
communicate with people on a 'lower level' would even be a factor.
They probably would just give a sigh of annoyance because people they
communicate with wouldn't understand simple daily vocabulary.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Shane, Sherman Oaks, CA, United States, 25, Mesg ID 730200432901
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Question:
Does anyone know why a lot of upper-class suburban females
always have a stuck-up attitude when lower-middle or middle class
dudes (mostly Latinos or blacks) try to talk to them? For example,
I'm not the type who thinks macho of himself, but I know I'm not
ugly. For example, I got a lot of females in my social class who
don't mind talking to me if I try talking to them ( this goes for all
races). But if I go to a girl who has got a little bit more money
than me, she seems resentful to talk to me. What's up with that? I
mean, I don't know if it's just the way they are, or if it has to do
with money, or what.
POSTED 7/12/2004
Nick, Dallas, TX, United States, <juggalothug6@yahoo.com>,
Male, Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Straight, Lower middle
class, Mesg ID 79200432456
Responses:
Please. You know you live in America, where money is king. Why
should they give you the time of day when there are probably plenty
of rich boys for them to play with (unless you look like Brad Pitt or
something)?
POSTED 8/8/2004
E.D., Kansas City, MO, United States, 48, Female, Black/African
American, Mesg ID 714200492520
It seems obvious to me that you are dealing with some white people
who are convinced that when a white girl gets involved with a
minority (especially in an area like Texas), it is because no 'decent
white guy' would have her. Not really a class/money issue, but more
of a class/perception thing. There exists a perception that the only
girls who even get hit on by blacks and Hispanics are the ones who
are seen as an easy target (for sex, that is). An easy target is a
girl who is unattractive, overweight, poor, undereducated, etc... I
guess these rich white girls aren't so much saying you aren't good
enough, but that being with you might make them seem not good enough
to their friends.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Corey, Dallas, TX, United States, <cmmayo@yahoo.com>, 35, Male,
Taoist, White/Caucasian, Straight, Teacher, 4 Years of College, Lower
middle class, Mesg ID 715200472520
Under normal circumstances, women do not date or marry 'down.' There
are a few real questions that are revealed by the way you phrased
your question. One that's fairly obvious is, How would they know what
socio-economic class you belong to? I mean, do you walk up to these
women and say, 'Hi, I'm Nick and I'm lower middle class?' I doubt it.
Another is, Are most of the 'upper class suburban females' white? If
so, then again the answer is obvious. Third, and most interesting of
all is, Why do you feel attracted to women who are obviously not
attracted to you?
POSTED 8/8/2004
Julie, Woodbridge, VA, United States, 33, Female, Straight, Over 4
Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 715200493715
I don't think its so much to do with race as class. I'm a white
female from Europe who came from a working class neighborhood, and I
can't stand being around rich girls - they are just so stuck up and
cold. Maybe they just don't feel there is any common ground, so they
don't bother to interact with 'commoners' like us!
POSTED 8/8/2004
Jay, New York, NY, United States, Female, Middle class, Mesg ID
716200455117
How do you act around these women? Some women are turned off by
certain types of body language, attitude or tone of voice. It's all
about the way you carry yourself.
POSTED 8/8/2004
A Girl From Toronto, Toronto, Ontario, NA, Canada, 25, Female, Asian,
Graduate Student, Over 4 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg
ID 716200484948
The answer to your question is yes, no, maybe. Yes, there are
stuck-up women, no, some are not, and some aren't sure who they are.
OK, now what? Nick, I suspect you are young. Women have always been
drawn to men who can provide. This has been true from the beginning
of time. It's a fact, not a problem. If you are a decent, good and
loving man, it is their loss.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Harvey, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 51, Male, Catholic,
Black/African American, Straight, Sales, 2 Years of College, Upper
class, Mesg ID 726200481659
Mi hermano, that happens down here in Venezuela too, and we're ALL
Hispanic. Although the upper middle and upper classes down here are
mostly white, you see all kinds of skin color. It has to do more with
the cultural/educational level than anything else. It's a myth that
upper level women seek just the money. Most will prefer a sweet,
smart and sexy average profesional than a millionaire uncultured
jerk. But they won't even talk to what they could consider a broke
uncultured jerk. These women (not so much girls) are attracted to
'success,' which means that a man can carry a formidable household.
It's biological, it's in their nature as subconscious mothers. That
'success' thing is hard to describe, it's not looks or money, it's a
mix of it all: mind, body and wallet. If you look like a
well-educated gentleman and you approach these upper-class girls as
one, they will most surely respond in an appropriate manner. Socially
speaking, birds of a feather flock together. That's the way it is
down here, up there and everywhere. Tranquilo, y pa'lante mi
hermano.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Nelson A., Caracas, NA, Venezuela, 35, Male, Hispanic/Latino (may be
any race), Educator/Lawyer, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 727200493131
The question is, HOW do you approach these women? Are you walking up
to them on the street or trying to to talk to them in a bar? I know
that I feel uncomfortable when a man I don't know of any race walks
up to me and starts asking me for my number, or being persistent,
even when I make it clear I'm not interested. A lot of the women you
describe may be shy, have a boyfriend, are in a hurry to get
somewhere, or are simply not interested. It's all about how you
approach and where.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Michele, New Orleans, LA, United States, 31, Female, Pagan,
White/Caucasian, Straight, High School Diploma, Lower middle class,
Mesg ID 88200430405
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Question:
Do other African Americans observe the Fourth of July holiday? For
us, it has been nothing more than a day of cookouts and families
gathering together. But we always remind ourselves of our ancestors
being enslaved when America won its independence.
POSTED 7/12/2004
William, Washington, DC, United States, 32, Male, Black/African
American, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
76200485514
Responses:
I believe that most African Americans don't really 'celebrate'
Independence Day as much as they enjoy the festivities that society
at large sanctions for that day - since they typically get the day
off work, anyway. My family has chosen to recognize and celebrate
Juneteenth (June 19) as a day of independence in the black community.
I have a young daughter, preschool age, and she will undoubtedly
receive enough information about the Declaration of Independence,
Thomas Jefferson and the Fourth of July to form her own opinions
about it. Therefore, I know that as a parent it is my responsibility
to provide her with the education and resources to understand and
celerate her own heritage. In order to be an actual celebration, I
think an event, holiday, etc has to be meaningful to the parties
involved. It's sort of like going to a wedding for someone you don't
know, or don't know well, versus going for a close friend or
relative. That is when you feel it. That is why I celebrate
Juneteenth.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Y., Richmond, VA, United States, 30, Female, Black/African American,
2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 7182004121754
We don't celebrate either, for the same reasons. It amazes me that we
are called unpatriotic when our ancestors were enslaved on July 4,
1776. We are one of the most patriotic races; we have lost a lot of
lives trying to be free, when other cultures came through Ellis
Island with more freedoms than African Americans.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Adele, Philadelphia, PA, United States, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Upper class, Mesg ID
723200492345
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Question:
My hubby, on occasion, will ask me to fart for him. I don't
mind, but I was wondering: how many people are interested in this odd
fetish?
POSTED 8/9/2004
Jennifer S., Springfield, MA, United States,
<jenst72@yahoo.com>, 31, Female, Lutheran, White/Caucasian,
Bisexual, accountant, 4 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID
86200462815
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Question:
I've been pondering a question with a couple of male friends
about why white girls seem to go further with sexual activity, i.e.
'put out,' more than girls of other races. Not to be stereotypical,
but it seems to me that it's overwhelmingly the case. Could it be
that white girls are more aggressive when it comes to sex? Is this
cultural? I'd be interested to know any thoughts, especially from
white females, and whether they've noticed this particular point,
too.
POSTED 7/12/2004
TJ07985, Swarthmore, PA, United States,
<tjohnson_3rd@hotmail.com>, 19, Male, Catholic, Puerto Rican,
Straight, High School Diploma, Middle class, Mesg ID 625200485735
Responses:
I don't think we put out more, I just think other people are less
revealing about it. I think white females are just louder than the
rest!
POSTED 7/14/2004
JessTsab, Norfolk, VA, United States, <anydaynow0715@msn.com>,
20, Female, Christian, White/Caucasian, Military, Technical School,
Mesg ID 713200441528
Growing up in central Florida, there was a high rate of teen
pregnancy among black girls, and a much lower rate among whites, and
even lower among Hispanics. Of course this doesn't necessarily mean
white girls are having less sex than black girls, maybe it's just
they are using protection more often. Recently I taught high school
in the same town in which I grew up. About 98 percent of my students
who had children were black, and several already had two kids with a
third on the way. This expression of sexuality seemed socially
accepted within the black community, even almost expected, which I
found unfortunate, because the girls weren't even 17 and didn't have
the chance to find out who they were before assuming the role of
Mom.
POSTED 8/8/2004
S,, Central Florida, FL, United States, 29, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
714200455247
I don't think white girls 'put out' more, but I do think they're more
open-minded about sex and have less hangups. And I think this is very
healthy (unless of course you're promiscuous, which is not a good
idea). White culture in general is more open-minded about many
things. If you check any statistics on sexually transmitted diseases
or teen pregnancies, you'll find white females have significantly
lower rates than blacks and Hispanics, which would suggest that
they're not as sexually active as others may believe. I remember one
time a Hispanic girl was boasting that 'Spanish girls don't like to
give ourselves to guys so easily'. The irony was that she had had a
baby at age 15 and had two kids with two different guys, yet I had no
kids and had lost my virginity at 21, and here she was suggesting
that Hispanics are more chaste than white girls. Even her brother was
like, 'What the hell is she talking about?' I couldn't help but
laugh.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Jay, New York, NY, United States, Female, Middle class, Mesg ID
716200455946
Contrary to what you may think, from my observations at a high school
with many minorities, African Americans were among the first to
participate in sexual activity (there is no harm in this statement,
it's just an observation). In fact, in the great state of Minnesota,
the pregnancy rate for 15- to 19-year-olds was highest among African
Americans (almost 4 times that of Caucasians), followed by Hispanics,
whose rate was almost twice as much as Caucasians (1990 Census). This
pattern continues throughout almost all states in our country. I know
pregnancy rates may have little to do with how much girls may 'put
out' because some may choose to use protection, but I just thought
these would be some helpful statistics.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Jana, Maple Grove, MN, United States, 18, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, Less than High School Diploma,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 872004112300
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Question:
Why is it common to see black people talking to themselves in
public? I'm not talking about muttering a thought quietly to oneself
(I think we all do that), but rather having full conversations in a
loud voice. It happens frequently enough that it can't be just some
random, mentally deranged person. Is it a cultural thing? Does it
have to do with socio-economic status (I don't see well-off or
professional black people walking around talking to themselves).
Please enlighten me...
POSTED 7/12/2004
Jen, Dover, DE, United States, Female, White/Caucasian, 4 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 752004104123
Responses:
I've always assumed most people loudly carrying on a conversation
in public alone are talking on a cell phone. Perhaps you don't see
the cord?
POSTED 7/14/2004
Christina, New York, NY, United States, Female, Mesg ID
713200452210
Are you sure they're not using one of those new cell phones with the
headphones? I've been taken aback by people (of all races) who I
thought were talking to themselves, only to discover they were using
one of those new-fangled devices.
POSTED 8/8/2004
E.D., Kansas City, MO, United States, 48, Female, Black/African
American, Mesg ID 714200492803
I am black and don't talk to myself, nor have I seen any blacks
talking to themselves. Maybe it's just Delaware, where you live.
Anyone who does talk to themselves I stay far away from because they
have too many 'bricks missing from their wall'.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Cocoa, Tampa, FL, United States, Black/African American, Mesg ID
7272004122907
I think what you may be noticing (especially among black males) is
the tendency for many of them to rap lyrics or sing while going along
with their day. My boyfriend raps the lyrics to his favorite rap
tunes multiple times during the day, and if you did not know him, you
could understandably think he was talking to himself. Other than
that, I really do not see a difference in the way blacks and other
races 'talk to themselves'.
POSTED 8/8/2004
Amber, Greenville, NC, United States, 23, Female, Black/African
American, student, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
727200412311
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