Best of the Week
of Aug. 22, 2004
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Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Aug. 22, 2004, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries
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"I
Can't
Believe You
Asked That!"
(Perigee,
2004)
Question:
What do older adults think of teens listening to classic rock?
Quite a few of my friends and I like Led Zeppelin - and, for the most
part, older adults comment positively on it. However, we have also
encountered a few older adults who have given us grief for liking
'their' music and asked us why we don't listen to, say, Avril Lavigne
like 'other kids your age do.' If you're a teen who likes classic
rock, what has your experience been with that? If you're an older
adult who likes classic rock, how do you feel about the younger
generation liking it, too?
POSTED 8/23/2004
Emily G, Toronto, Ontario, NA, Canada, 16, Female, Christian, Mesg ID
822200444707
Responses:
I am THRILLED if I hear of the next generation listening to classic
rock! We feel that 'our' music will live on for generations, just
like the music of the Beatles, and when we hear teenagers rocking to
Van Halen, we see it happening. It's a wonderful thing. The people
who give you a hard time are just being selfish, I guess. Maybe they
want it for themselves, which is ridiculous. Music is for everyone,
not just certain age demographics. Rock on, sister!
POSTED 8/29/2004
Shari, Canton, MI, United States, 33, Female, White/Caucasian, Over 4
Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 824200433041
To tell you the truth, I am quite surprised by the reverse prejudice
you have received by those select few who wonder why you are
listening to 'their' music. I was raised with classic rock alongside
other genres, and my mother and I are always finding interesting
things between old and new rock. I think it's great that you have the
desire to listen to what has been done, which can only give you an
appreciation for what is being done now. Like anything in history,
the more you know, the better you can articulate and critique your
interest.
POSTED 8/29/2004
Paul S., Acampo, CA, United States, 23, Male, Half white, half
indonesian, Straight, Mesg ID 828200413140
My friends and I listened to bands like Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith,
Queen...and I grew up in the late '80s when those bands were no
longer popular. We also listened to even older stuff like The Doors
and The Rolling Stones. And you know what? I STILL listen to them, as
well as bands people your age listen to like Linkin Park and
Godsmack. It's great that you and your friends have an open mind and
a broad musical taste. Stay that way. When you get 'older' like me,
people will love that about you.
POSTED 8/29/2004
Michele, New Orleans, LA, United States, 31, Female, Pagan,
White/Caucasian, Straight, High School Diploma, Lower middle class,
Mesg ID 8292004101715
It's weird that someone griefed you for liking music they do. It's
usually the opposite. I appreciate all kinds of music from every
ethnicity and time, and whenever I meet someone who likes one of
those 'off-the-beaten trail' genres, they're usually enthusiastic
about finding someone they can relate to. My dad and I listen to
classic rock together, and it has more than anything brought us
closer. The only logical explanation I can give for someone not
appreciating your liking it would be if they think you're just trying
to follow a trend by doing it. I know I dislike it when people
purposely seek out obscure or unpopular music and bands to sound like
they're 'hardcore'.
POSTED 8/29/2004
Zac, Ripon, CA, United States, <Smith7929@yahoo.com>, 19, Male,
Agnostic, White/Caucasian, Straight, 2 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 829200444750
I think it's fabulous. I enjoy much of the music my parents listened
to (Big Band, mostly) as well. My children are in their early
twenties. They are quite passionate in their love of a lot of my
generation's music. It's nice to know there is a bridge across the
generation gap.
POSTED 9/7/2004
William H., San Jose, CA, United States, <immrbill@att.net>,
52, Male, White/Caucasian, Straight, engineer, 2 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 952004123357
The fact that you listen to 'Classic Rock' shows that you have an
open mind. Music is for all time. You just keep listening and enjoy.
Do not concern yourself with the limited thinking of others. If they
were true music lovers, they would introduce you to new 'classics'
that you may have overlooked!
POSTED 9/15/2004
Harvey, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 51, Male, Black/African
American, Mesg ID 9132004102732
I raised seven children. The youngest is still in his teens. All of
them love all kinds of music. No one really 'owns' music. It belongs
to all of us. I grew up listening to my parents' music, which was
swing. But rock and roll came and, well, I loved it and still love
it. I cannot believe someone would be so rude to give you 'grief' for
liking a certain kind of music. I respect any person who is
open-minded enough to listen to different music. When I was 14, I got
'into' Bartok and Stravinsky. My parents hated rock and roll but
REALLY hated John Cage. Keep listening to the music you love. I am an
older adult who likes classic rock - as I love other music. Keep
listening. Rock and roll is here forever!
POSTED 9/15/2004
Juanita, Sonoma, CA, United States, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 913200493652
My older daughter, a college freshman, has an astonishing knowledge
of rock and popular music. She knows everybody now current, in all
genres, and all the popular artists of the '90s, '80s, '70s and '60s.
You can't stump her until you get into some of the more obscure stuff
from the '50s. Where she mentally stores all that, I don't know. My
younger daughter, a high school sophomore, doesn't have that Velcro
memory. She prefers today's stuff, although she does have a few
classics she likes - including, of course, 'Stairway to Heaven.'
(Oddly, she and all her friends have also picked out Boy George's
'Karma Chameleon' as a particular favorite.) What do I think? I love
that they like some of the same stuff I did, and for the same
reasons. I'm afraid it's not a two-way street; I don't like much of
what my younger daughter listens to because it's too dark and Goth
and miserable as far as I'm concerned. No love songs, and pictures of
the artists smiling strictly forbidden.
POSTED 9/15/2004
Leslie L., East Lansing, MI, United States, 51, Female, Unitarian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Teacher, Over 4 Years of College, Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 914200490433
I am an older adult and I think it's great! But, I also have heard
negative comments from people my age about teens listening to 'our'
music. Perhaps they feel they need to have something of their own to
'own' for their generation, or maybe some folks just like to find
something to gripe about.
POSTED 9/15/2004
Nancy S., Buffalo, NY, United States, <yoyoauntie
@earthlink.net>, 49, Female, Agnostic, White/Caucasian, Straight,
social worker, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
9152004104222
Congratulations Emily! You have just made the amazing discovery that
older adults are just as human as everyone else. Some of us are just
as insecure now as we were when WE were teens. Personally, I see no
more difference in your liking the music of an older generation than
there is in my likeing Big Band Era music. If each generation were
expected to like only the music of their own age, where would
classical music be? Some of those guys wrote centuries ago and their
music is still loved. By the way, the best test of a 'classic' is how
many generations beyond it still find it appealing. P.S. I really
like 'Los Lonely Boys'. Am I not acting my age?
POSTED 10/3/2004
J.D. Ricks, Mesa, AZ, United States, 50, Male, Mormon,
White/Caucasian, Straight, crippled with arthritis, mechanic, 2 Years
of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 915200445921
To
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Question:
Is it offensive to point out someone by their race? For example, if
you point out someone on a street to your friend by saying 'the black
person over there.' Here in the United Kingdom some people are very
uncomfortable with this, and they will do anything to avoid
mentioning someone's race. Is this worrying justified? If there is
only one black person in a white crowd, doesn't it make it easier to
identify them by just saying 'the black person'?
POSTED 8/23/2004
Dom, Birmingham, NA, United Kingdom, Mesg ID 8232004103728
Responses:
If he's the only black guy in the crowd, sure, go for it. In parts of
downtown Detroit here, it's easier to point out 'the white guy.' I
think that as long as you're not using any racial slurs, you'll be
OK. As a general rule, I usually pick the most obvious thing about
the person and go with that. Some people are over-sensitive about
race. Those types are going to find fault in just about anything you
say, anyway.
POSTED 8/26/2004
Taz, Detroit, MI, United States, 33, Male, Middle class, Mesg ID
823200412910
I think it's human nature to use race to identify people,
particularly if everyone else is your same race. I know I have done
this same thing when pointing out people not of my race. As long as
things aren't said in disgust, I don't see a problem doing this.
POSTED 8/26/2004
Kristina, Washington, DC, United States, 23, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, Homemaker, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg
ID 824200471445
The people made uncomfortable by this are people who aren't overtly
racist but are just enough that it's uncomfortable for them to
mention race in any way. If there's a room full of white people and
one black guy, of course I'm gonna use that to point him out. It's
not meant in a derogatory way; I just wanted to point that guy out,
and he's the only person with that skin color. I mean, if it were a
room full of people in red shirts, and one woman had a white shirt
on, you wouldn't point her out as 'The person with the brown shoes
on.' It's not racist, although I'm sure some people might take it
that way.
POSTED 8/26/2004
Frank, Memphis, TN, United States, 19, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, 2 Years of College, Lower middle
class, Mesg ID 8252004120320
It is not offensive to distinguish someone by their color. The fact
is, color is an obvious feature. I will use “color” to
narrow down an identity of someone - just like I use hair color, eyes
or weight. Even within a crowd of blacks, there are various hues.
Many blacks will state various shades of black (high yellow, red,
etc.). Not too many whites know about these descriptions because many
blacks don’t openly discuss this in front of whites.
So don’t walk on eggshells regarding the description of race.
Race is a fact of life. It describes who we are not what we are.
POSTED 9/1/2004
Audrey, Tampa, FL, United States, <riley@therileygroup.org>,
36, Female, Black/African American, Diversity Consultant, 4 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 8302004103948
Maybe my opinion will be ignored since I'm from the United States and
because of our country's history when dealing with 'race.' But if I
want to identify someone, I use the most obvious characteristics. The
first of these is skin color (white, black, etc.). If not white, it
may need some elaboration, for example, 'coffee colored' as opposed
to 'chocolate colored.' So I don't see anything wrong with mentioning
the subject's race, as long as it's done in a non-prejudicial manner.
It's like calling a rock a rock.
POSTED 9/1/2004
Wayne, Parsippany, NJ, United States, 43, Male, Black/African
American, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
831200484224
I've been around white friends who have identified the black person
in a group by their shirt color or hairstyle or something else
innocuous when it would have clearly been easier to say 'the black
guy,' and I think it's kinda silly. I don't know any black people who
would hesitate to describe someone as the 'white guy' if that was the
easiest way to describe them. Now if you say 'the nigger over there,'
that's different!
POSTED 10/3/2004
Huey, Atlanta, GA, United States, Black/African American, Mesg ID
913200432820
I don't find it offensive when race is just used as a descriptive
word to distinguish someone in a crowd, and anyone who is offended by
that is just silly and oversensitive and probably would be offended
by just about anything.
POSTED 10/3/2004
Alise, Durham, NC, United States, <alisenikkole@yahoo.com>, 25,
Female, Christian, Black/African American, Lesbian, Admin. Assist., 2
Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 914200413243
Your point is well taken and presented. Skin color is a natural part
of every person's description. The use of skin color in identifying
someone has declined dramatically over the past 40 years. So much so
that lost children are seldom identified as 'white' or 'black' or by
race. Many times a posted picture is the only way of knowing the
missing child's/person's ethnicity. As your example clearly
illustrates, using a descriptive color enables quick inclusion or
exclusion during a search.
POSTED 10/3/2004
Ep, Nunan, GA, United States, 58, Male, Christian, White/Caucasian,
Straight, parent/grandparent, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg
ID 9152004124627
The tendency to avoid the mention of race is rampant in the United
States, too, even when it makes communication easier and more
logical. Race seems to be a taboo subject in all occasions. I specify
any characteristic that makes communication easier and have not found
it to be offensive to anyone. I am an African American, by the
way.
POSTED 10/3/2004
Cedric, Houston, TX, United States, 58, Male, Black/African American,
At;torney, Over 4 Years of College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID
9202004113917
To be honest with you, I think blacks are overly offended. If a white
person were to go to an area with all blacks, they would refer to
that person as the 'white person' and the white person would most
likely not be offended by that. Actually, I do not know one white
person who is offended by being called white. Black is the color of
the skin, so get over it. It's just like saying 'the one with the
blond hair.' Now, I know black people will say 'oh but we're not
technically black,' but hey, we're not technically white, either.
POSTED 10/3/2004
Nicole, Pittsburgh, PA, United States, 16, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Less than High School Diploma, Middle
class, Mesg ID 928200474214
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Question:
OK I am 12 and in seventh grade. I got my parents to buy me a
Gothic outfit. My mom said I could wear Goth as long I don't do devil
worship. For a while my mood was good, but then my mom's mood went
bad about it. And my dad is totally against Goth. But I liked it and
feel my grades were improving. Then mom and I went to the store for
clothes and she started cursing at me for picking black. I feel
trapped. I thought I had found something I liked. Does anyone have
any advice, stuff to tell my dad so he accepts Goth? Please hurry, I
need help fast.
POSTED 8/9/2004
River, Heath, OH, United States, 12, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Less than High School Diploma, Lower
middle class, Mesg ID 7182004111221
Responses:
I won't go into why you might be attracted to the Gothic image; that
is something you will have to figure out. And I know this doesn't
sound too cool, but instead of getting your parents over to your
side, why don't you compromise and go with just black clothing? When
Goth first appeared, it was an intense look, but it did appeal to a
lot of people (mostly older teens and young adults in larger cities
like London, Los Angeles, etc.) So, instead of doing the hair, the
make-up and the jewelry thing, most of us just started wearing black
street clothing. You know, normal shirts, with normal pants, but all
black. Although I am now 45, I still prefer to go out in all black.
What is also cool is to go with different colors, but all along the
dark, Gothic line - like dark reds with black, dark blue and black.
It all speaks to the energy of a Gothic mind. In your mind, don't
associate your desire to look Gothic with trying to shock. Use it to
express your nonconforming individuality. Seriously, who wants to
look and dress like everyone else? That's just boring.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Matthew, New York, NY, United States, 45, Male, Middle class, Mesg ID
811200470533
Some of this is just a given due to generational in-fighting. Have
you ever seen the movieStand By Me? It's based on Stephen King's
story 'The Body.' Anyway, there's a scene where the dad is griping at
his younger son for not looking and acting like his older brother
(who happened to have just died). His older brother was the jock,
while he was more of an outcast-type. The story was set in the '60s,
I think, but today the narrator could have been a Goth or a skater.
You might ask your dad specifically what it is that he thinks you
should be. It'll take a little dragging out, because he's going to be
inclined to say something non-specific like 'normal,' to which there
is no real definition. Once you get him to admit that he wants you to
be a quarterback/honor scholar-type, then you can explain that that's
just not you and how much it hurts that he won't accept you for
trying to fit into your own mold.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Brian, Kokomo, IN, United States, 29, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, management, Over 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 811200414359
I live in New Orleans, where the Goth scene is huge (I dress like it
myself pretty often). My boyfriend is Goth, and he's responsible,
hard-working, does not do drugs, hardly ever drinks and doesn't
worship the devil (it seems every generation has an image that people
assume does that - when I was your age, I was into the punk/heavy
metal scene and people assumed that's what we did, too). Most Goths
are just like everybody else. And you're too young to get tattoos and
piercings, so your parents don't have to worry about that. I'd ask
your parents to make a deal with you: let you dress how you want for
a few months. If your grades and attitude keep improving, let you
keep doing it. If they slip, you stop. What's most important is that
you should feel comfortable and good about yourself. Even if your
father doesn't understand why you like wearing black, he should at
least respect your individuality. Good luck. Make sure you post and
let us know how it turns out.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Michele, New Orleans, LA, United States, 31, Female, New
Age/Metaphysical, White/Caucasian, Straight, Lower middle class, Mesg
ID 812200433628
If you found something you really like, that's cool. But what is more
important? Peace in the home, or your own apartment? If your parents
pay the bills, feed you and clothe you, they call the shots. That's
what Dr. Laura would say. If you still like Goth when you're 18, you
can move out and do your thing.
POSTED 8/23/2004
A parent, Edmonton, Alberta, NA, Canada, Mesg ID 812200494321
Try to explain Goth to your parents in ways they can relate to. I'm
not a hardcore Goth. But I've known a few people who are into it,
listen to a few Goth bands like VNV Nation, etc. My understanding of
the Goth scene is that it's mostly about feeling melancholy,
listening to certain music, and the fashion. I'm sure your parents
can relate to sometimes feeling melancholy. Any classic poetry they
like that conjures up that sort of feelings? Poe, Emily Dickinson? Or
maybe there are some Shakespearean tragedies they appreciate. Some
appeal to classic literature may be a great way to point out that
there is hardly anything new about a fascination with depressing or
morbid subjects. As for fashion and music: I'm guessing your parents
would have been teenagers some time between the '60s and the '80s. If
they can't identify with having been interested in fashion and music
that shocked their own parents but proved harmless, they must have a
very selective memory. Or maybe they're worried about your
nonconformism. Would they be comfortable with the opposite: a
mindless conformist for a son? It's a good thing to express your
individuality, as long as it's in a way that doesn't hurt others or
is self-destructive. Most Goths I've known are normal people inside,
just trying to look a bit weird. I think you may need to help your
parents realize this. It's the people who are a bit weird inside but
trying to look normal that I worry about.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Matt, Oxford, GA, United States, <supersixman@hotmail.com>, 26,
Male, Christian, White/Caucasian, 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 813200432224
Why are these clothes so important to you? Do you like their
uniqueness? Their associations? Do you simply enjoy the cut and
color? I am not saying the clothes are unimportant, but before your
parents can see there are good reasons to allow you to wear them, you
should try and figure out what those reasons are, even if it's as
simple as, 'I like them.' Taste can't always be justified, but it
will help if you try. After figuring out why you like them, write a
letter to your parents explaining why you like these clothes and what
being Goth means to you. Be honest. It's all well and good to say,
'My parents don't understand me,' but first you have to try to help
them understand. When they understand, they can accept. Then give the
letter to your parents. Then talk. Again, be honest. Also, be
receptive and willing to compromise. Yes, it's hard and awkward. But
I assume you wanted solutions, not platitudes.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Alex, Beloit, WI, United States, <first_wizard@hotmail.com>,
21, Male, Jewish, White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Writer, 2 Years of
College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 814200465448
There are many people who see Goth as being weird, and this
perception is probably worse among older people who have never been
exposed to it. You could try to appeal to your parents by pointing
out fashion trends they followed in their youth that (despite being
chastised by their parents), did not do them or anyone else harm.
Otherwise, there's not much you can do. You can't force someone to
accept Goth, and as a minor, you have to abide by what your parents
want. So, you might want to consider other ways of expressing
yourself that would appease them.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Kristina, Washington, DC, United States, 23, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, Homemaker, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg
ID 810200415433
Unless you're prepared to live many years worth of arguing and anger
between you and your parents, I'd suggest trying this: Compromise and
get a couple outfits (non-Goth black) that you can live with, and
wear them once in a while to make them happy. Your parents where nice
enough to allow you the Goth outfits, so return the favor and wear
something they would like once in a while. Once you are on your own,
you can wear whatever you want. Trust me, the arguements and threats
are not worth it.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Taz, Detroit, MI, United States, Mesg ID 818200470816
You could tell him that 'pale people in black' have been around for a
while; I'm thinking Lord Byron, beatniks, etc. Of course, they
weren't strictly Goth. Many 'artistic types' I know today still wear
only black, usually out of convenience: it doesn't show stains, and
everything goes with it. What specifically is angering your dad? Is
it the association with devil worship? You could tell him that a
pretty large percent of Goths are Christians, or that the Goth
obsession with death is a way of contemplating one's own mortality.
There's an almost 'monastic' streak in some Goths, focusing on the
emptiness of the present world and the omnipresence of death. That
certainly fits within most Christian sects. Is it the nature of the
clothes themselves? Sometimes Gothic men's clothes are gender-neutral
or close to gender-bending. That doesn't mean all Goths are gay; the
men wearing the lace cuffs are doing it to catch the women in the
latex bodices. Maybe he associates Goth with rampant drug use; again,
there are a lot of sober Goths. And virgin Goths, and married Goths,
and so on. But the most important thing is to let them know you feel
that you like the Goth approach and that it's improving your grades.
I think what you need to do is find out what your Dad and Mom are
worried about and try to address that. If you can show that being
Goth doesn't mean you're turning into a drug fiend, devil worshiper
or sex-crazed madman, maybe that will help.
POSTED 8/23/2004
E, Boston, MA, United States, 27, Female, Mesg ID 821200453934
People often fear what they don't understand. Explain to your parents
in a graceful manner how Goth makes you feel. Explain that being
Gothic doesn't mean you worship Satan, but that you are at an age
when you need growth, experience and ways to express yourself through
a spiritual movement. Also, try doing some research on Goth and help
gain experience by meeting others with the same situation.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Alexander, Porterville, CA, United States, 18, Male, Christian,
Straight, 2 Years of College, Mesg ID 821200421441
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Question:
Why does it freak so many people out when a family has a lot of
children? Why do these people feel they can make gratuitous,
condescending comments to or about the parents ('don't you know what
causes that?' or 'you've had enough, now stop')? I could understand
if the person were being called upon to help support these children
(either directly or indirectly, e.g., welfare), but otherwise, whose
business is it besides the parents? I suspect that a lot of it is fed
by contempt for being outbred by a perceived undesirable 'other'
group (ethnic, racial, religious, etc.).
POSTED 8/23/2004
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 43, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 216200475538
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Question:
I have always cringed at the word 'denigrate,' even when used by
African Americans. It is always considered negative, and literally,
the word means 'to blacken.' Does anyone else find this word
offensive?
POSTED 8/23/2004
Lynn, Charlotte, NC, United States, 30, Female, Episcopalian,
Black/African American, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 812200413938
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Question:
I have a co-worker who cannot get off his cell phone. He's been
counseled twice by management but still constantly talks on it while
working. He goes to great lengths to hide his conversations. What is
his problem?
POSTED 8/23/2004
Alma, Kempner, TX, United States, 51, Female, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Lesbian, government employee, 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 812200425745
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Question:
I work in a small office with three Filipino employees and live in an
area with a large Filipino population. It seems that most or all of
them smack their lips when eating - and not quietly. I avoid taking
lunch when they do because this is so annoying to me. I was taught
that smacking lips and eating with your mouth open is very rude. Is
this something common to the Filipino culture and not considered rude
there?
POSTED 8/23/2004
Mike, Santa Cruz, CA, United States, 43, Male, Humanist,
White/Caucasian, Gay, Finance, Over 4 Years of College, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 8132004122029
Responses:
I am not Filipino, but I know a few people who have spent time in the
South Pacific with Filipinos. As I recall, it is considered normal to
eat loudly, and even encouraged. I believe my friend said that when
eating, you were always supposed to take extra helpings and eat
loudly, and even burp, or risk offending the host. Now, this was a
while ago, and my memory may be changing some parts, but I believe
this is largely correct.
POSTED 10/3/2004
Matthew, Lawrence, KS, United States, Male, Mesg ID 9132004104647
I have been to the Far East 9 or 10 times, and I am married to a
Filipina. Also, several of my coworkers are from the Pacific Rim.
It's cultural. Filipinos, as well as others from that part of the
world, will smack their lips. A host will perceive this as a subtle
sign that her meal is good. At my work, it appears that my Vietnamese
coworkers will smack their lips even louder. (I am sure that none of
them are aware that they could be annoying.) By the way, my Filipina
wife does not smack her lips when eating.
POSTED 10/3/2004
Jerry H., Houston, TX, United States, 54, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, letter carrier, 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 917200453539
Most Asians do not consider it bad manners to smack their lips or
keep their mouths open while eating. And I'll bet that no one has
told them it is considered bad manners in the United States. Here in
the United States, it is considered rude to slurp one's soup, but in
Okinawa (where I'm from) it is considered good manners and
complimentary to the cook.
POSTED 10/3/2004
Kim R, Wichita, KS, United States, 39, Female, Christian, Asian,
Straight, Enginner, Over 4 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg
ID 928200445043
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Question:
I'm 19 and have a one-year-old son. I weigh 160 and am 5'7". I'm
having the worst time getting over the way my body looks. I love my
son and would never take anything back, but I have stretch marks all
over my stomach. And my tummy is shaped different. I just can't get
myself to love my body. Does anyone have any advice?
POSTED 8/23/2004
Jessica, Louisville, KY, United States, 19, Female, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, unemployed, Less than High School Diploma,
Lower middle class, Mesg ID 8142004110645
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Question:
Why are so many deaf men gay? Is it something genetic connected with
the disability? Or does it come from early experiences at boarding
schools for the deaf?
POSTED 8/23/2004
Scott, Denver, CO, United States, 46, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Editor, 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 820200452736
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Question:
It seems to me that religion has separated us from our common goal of
unity. Every religion based on Christ could be considered Christian,
and every one of them believes He came and died for our sins. Except
religion has intervened with different beliefs and guidelines. Is
religion really necessary, or can we establish one main one that
could unite all in how to follow in the name of Christ?
POSTED 8/23/2004
Alexander, Porterville, CA, United States, 18, Male, Christian,
Straight, 2 Years of College, Mesg ID 821200422311
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Question:
Is Kabbalah a religion, a cult, or the new fad for celebrities?
Is there any truth to the teachings of Kabbalah, or is it just an
interpretation of the Torah from an insurance salesman?
POSTED 8/9/2004
K.M., Long Island, NY, United States, Mesg ID 7262004112040
Responses:
Kabbalah is a real Jewish belief but not a core one. Nearly all
Jews believe that the Hebrew language was given by God to humanity.
Because of its holy origins, the language has power. Hence almost all
prayers are in Hebrew, the Torah and other parts of the bible are
read in Hebrew during ceremonies, and all religious documents are in
Hebrew. Here's where Kabbalah diverges. Every letter has a numerical
equivalent, but Kabbahlists believe that by understanding the
numerological significance of certain words and letters, they can
work 'magic' (for lack of a better word). For example, the Hebrew
word 'Chai,' made of the letters chet (8) and yud (10) has a value of
18, so 18 is considered a lucky number. Multiples of 18 are
considered very fortuitous. Despite this, Kabbalah is not conisdered
to be a central tenet of Judaism.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Alex, Beloit, WI, United States, <first_wizard@hotmail.com>,
21, Male, Jewish, White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Writer, 2 Years of
College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 814200470411
In my humble opinion, it's a fad for celebrities who are looking for
something to fill that empty void in their lives.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Jake, Duluth, MN, United States, 17, Male, Catholic, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Work at family store, Less than High School Diploma, Middle
class, Mesg ID 817200411947
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Question:
How come if a black cop kills a white person, people have no
problem with it, but if a white cop kills a black person, there is a
court case about it? I have no problem with black people, but I can't
stand how they have a fit when a white guy kills a black man. Yes, I
understand that sometimes white cops kill black people when it's not
necessary. I hope someone can answer my question.
POSTED 3/3/2000
Carrie, Constantia, NY, United States, 15, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, Less than High School Diploma,
Mesg ID 3300121859
Responses:
I think maybe black people feel that the white cop deserves this
punishment for what his (white) people did to their (black) people in
terms of slavery.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Kathy, San Jose, CA, United States, 22, Female, Asian, Mesg ID
5122004105342
In a white suburb, police are friendly and courteous, waving to
children on bikes and soccer moms out for an evening walk. Not so in
a ghetto or barrio. Many police, especially recent recruits, go into
the 'hood not to serve, but with the attitude that they're going into
the jungle to tame animals. In places like inner-city Los Angeles and
New York, people get stopped and frisked for no reason. Someone who
even remotely resembles a 'thug' gets harassed verbally and
physically. Certain segments of the LAPD are coming under fire for
misconduct, but even years before all this, such things were common
knowledge in the 'hood. I can name people who have been framed and
are still locked up. I can name people who've never broken a law in
their lives who were 'thumped' (that is, physically harassed) by
cops. Basically, relations between the police and inner-city
residents are under severe strain. Whenever an extraordinary event
such as the Amadou Diallo shooting happens (a black man shot numerous
times by New York police in 1999 after reaching for this wallet), the
citizenry uses it as an opportunity to point out the state of it all.
The majority of cops are good, and I am proud of the fact that I have
family members who are police officers. But all I can say is that
there is quite a bit of work to be done before the hatchet can be
buried.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Dan, Los Angeles area, CA, United States, 21, Male, Pentecostal
Christian, Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), student, Lower middle
class, Mesg ID 382000124436
Try to imagine if you were always looked upon as a potiental
criminal. Three-quarters of black men are. Other races don't have to
hear a siren and wonder if they will be picked up for something. And
now more than ever, racisim has gone underground. Look at the Amadou
Diallo case (a black man shot numerous times by New York police after
reaching for this wallet). Or the man who was beaten and sodomized in
a NY police station of all places. If this happens, then what else
could? Right now the LAPD is under investigation for setting up
people of color. So I guess the answer to you question is "we can't
trust them." Would you?
POSTED 8/23/2004
Darrel, San Diego, CA, United States,
<Darrel-Sonya-Forney@excite.com>, Black/African American, Mesg
ID 326200045422
The problem is twofold. The memory of the wrongs blacks suffered
while whites had full power is kept alive by verbal tradition. When a
white police officer kills a non-white, it reinforces or confirms
that verbal history. Too many decades were spent with blacks being
killed with the unofficial approval of local authorities. Yes,
sometimes there are justified killings, but they are often dismissed
by blacks in favor of the verbal history. I guess you could say that
racism is a two-way street. Progress in our society must be
recognized on both sides before we can be more objective on both
sides.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Delbert S., Florissant, MO, United States, 47, Male, Agnostic,
Black/African American, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 372000122123
You've asked a deeply complex,sociological question, for which there
is no simple answer. At 15 it is difficult to grasp the motives
behind governmental and corporate criminal activity. I can only tell
you that no actions are taken before an intense (and always
'profit-oriented') investigation. Those who we allow to rule us have
made decisions concerning what we, (the 'common herd'), refer to as
our future. Technological techniques used on the public in everyday
media are carefully evaluated for maximum effect. There is a
pre-planned agenda that dictates the areas in which these techniques
are utilized. 'Controlling' the different ethnic groups that make up
the U.S. population in order to bring about this pre-planned agenda
requires intense (and pre-tested) psychological manipulations. The
fact that you are asking this question is a demonstration of the
programming to which you have been exposed, and you are not alone.
Once the American public has been fully indoctrinated, they will feel
as though their country is no longer 'working,' and they will accept
an alternative government; one with its own social parameters. Vice
President Gore once stated (on C-SPAN) that the day of the
Nation-State had passed. (America is the greatest Nation-State the
world has ever known.) With our most powerful leaders dictating that
we, as a nation, must yield to a 'New World Order,' it becomes easy
to see from what governmental depths these 'programmings' originate.
A wise man once said, 'A house divided soon falls.' So, in answer to
your question, whenever you perceive what appears to be an imbalanced
emotional response from any ethnic or social group, it is, in fact, a
reflection of the level of programming to which that group has been
exposed. I hope my explanation is comprehendible. I know it makes the
near future sound scary, but sometimes the truth isn't pretty.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Joel, Texarkana, TX, United States, Male, Mesg ID 392000123855
It is false to say that when a black cop kills a white person people
don't have a problem with it. Whenever any cop kills anyone in the
line of duty, regardless or the ethnic background of everyone
involved, the cop is put on administrative leave while an
investigation is conducted to determine if the action was justified.
The American public is more aware of cases involving white cops and a
person of color for a couple of reasons. One is that this country has
a history of racism and oppression of people of color by those in
authority. So when someone of color is killed by a white cop, it
touches a nerve in a lot of people. Another reason is that the U.S.
media chooses which stories to cover based on the ratings they will
get, and anything that has anything to do with racism gets high
ratings, so these stories are covered very heavily.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Lucy H, San Jose, CA, United States, 25, Female, Hispanic/Latino (may
be any race), Engineer, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
33200060703
The issue is not that it is OK for black cops to kill white people.
It is that it happens overwhelmingly to black people by white cops.
Of course, cops are going to kill people at the wrong time, but cops
seem to kill innocent blacks far more than they do whites. Case in
point: The case of the NY cops in 1999 who shot a black man 41 times
after he reached for his wallet. That is an amazingly high number.
The issue is racism that cops display regularly against blacks. Cops
have a reputation for being notorious against people of African
descent. With the hell that ordinary cops make black people suffer
through every day, it isn't surprising that blacks would be outraged
when they hear about white cops abusing black people.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Robert R., St. Louis, MO, United States,
<shinryuu64@hotmail.com>, 17, Male, Agnostic, Black/African
American, Straight, Less than High School Diploma, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 34200061955
In all my years I have never seen on the news or heard on the radio
about a white guy getting killed by black cops. If you can come up
with something, please let us know. If an alleged white criminal is
shot and killed by cops, as far as I have seen, it has been by white
cops in white communities under the most extreme circumstances (the
guy is on a shooting spree or is holding someone hostage). But it is
too often that we hear about cops shooting black men and boys because
they 'thought' he had a weapon. The cops wouldn't even shoot to wound
or disarm these people; they killed them. In a lot of instances it
was overkill, like in the 1999 case of the Amadou Diallo shooting in
New York. They shot this innocent, unarmed young man 41 times in 8
seconds. Unfortunately, this is not a rare event in black
communities. And in most cases, if a black man (not cop) kills a
white person, he gets the death penalty, which is hardly ever the
case if the situation is reversed. So do you still want to have that
fit?
POSTED 8/23/2004
Summer, Washington, DC, United States, Middle class, Mesg ID
36200035653
I do not scour the news daily, so educate me here: Is there a
specific case when a black cop killed a white man unjustifiably and
there was no social outcry? Secondly, keep in mind, much of what you
see in the media is based on sensationalism. You might not have seen
much hoopla from blacks in particular because we we'ren't aware. I
don't profess to speak for all black people. I'm simply admitting I
don't have a point of reference. I am affected anytime a life is
taken senselessly. When you witness blacks' outrage, we are not
simply responding to a single incident. We as a group, particularily
our men, have been systematically and randomly abused, jailed, maimed
and killed solely because of the color of our skin. In our collective
consciousness we identify with the injustice inflicted on any African
American. It may be difficult for you to understand. You are a young
girl and are white. I believe it would be safe to say that in terms
of race and the short time you've been on this planet that your
experiences are radically different from that of blacks.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Zawadi, Farmington Hills, MI, United States,
<aquarius9@hotmail.com>, 35, Female, Black/African American,
publishing, 2 Years of College, Mesg ID 310200075332
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Question:
OK guys, tell an old white lady what the meaning of black males
wearing long white t-shirts is. I've heard it was something racial
and just wanted to be in the know
POSTED 8/9/2004
Cheri, Philly, PA, United States, 50, Female, White/Caucasian,
Programmer, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
7302004115253
Responses:
I noticed that, too! Both here in Detroit and in Chicago. I thought
it was some kind of 'white t-shirt club'. I asked my 14-year-old
brother about it; he lives in an 'urban' area of Chicago. He has no
idea what that's about, but it doesn't seem to be gang related. I've
also noticed that black people (this theory probably extends to other
classes and races, too) tend to purchase whatever clothing the
neighborhood store sells, no matter how unusual it is. Maybe there's
a special on extra-long white t-shirts?
POSTED 8/23/2004
Chandra, Detroit, MI, United States, 27, Female, Black/African
American, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 811200481643
I'm not the most knowledgeable about current cultural trends, but I
don't think there is anything racial about the long white t-shirts.
Not that I've heard of. Just a bad fashion style.
POSTED 8/23/2004
Wayne C, Parsippany, NJ, United States, 44, Male, Black/African
American, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
813200431225
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