Best of the Week
of Aug. 25, 2002
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Aug. 25, 2002, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries
from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s database
using the search form, or, in the case of
answers posted before April 24, 1999, in the
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the database as
well). In the Original Archives, as well as in the database, you will
find questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer any questions
relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask any
provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily
meant to represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can
provide a window into the insights of an individual from that
group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop
at Y?'s guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
The book on Y? is
here!
"Why Do White People Smell
Like Wet Dogs
When They Come Out Of The Rain?"
Order it here!
Read the Associated Press story
on "Wet Dogs"
Question:
I feel very uncomfortable because my daughter is dating a
Chinese man. I have nothing against his culture and respectable
occupation as a dentist, I just find it difficult to imagine part
Chinese grandchildren. I am from Spain and am white, and they do look
different from us. What do others think of this?
POSTED 8/28/2002
Alan, Dallas, TX, United States, Male, White/Caucasian, Mesg ID
822200244948
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Question:
Are white people just happy to be white? I don't want to be
white, but if I were, I'd sure be happy. If I were white, no one
would ask me questions like how come all of you people are in gangs
and afraid of water. I would not have to hear my mother cry about how
she can't hail a cab. I would not have to see people clutch their
purses or grab their children as I went to get a bite to eat.
Overall, I would not be a victim of harsh discrimination unless I was
old, paralyzed or underdressed. Of course, these are just microcosms
of American minority life, but we do go through a lot worse, and the
white American seemingly never does. We all have family, relationship
and money issues, but aside from that, shouldn't white people just be
happy to be white?
POSTED 8/28/2002
Jarrett, Chicago, IL, United States, 20, Male, Black/African
American, Straight, Student, 2 Years of College, Upper middle class,
Mesg ID 824200233019
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Question:
I've worked with
disabled children and 'normal' children from low socioeconomic areas
in public school settings. I often compare the educational facilities
provided for both groups, and the disabled children certainly seem to
receive the best educational resources and most support.
Unfortunately, many of the 'normal' children become lost in the
educational system, fall behind in their schoolwork and develop
behavioral problems. It's very disheartening to see potential go to
waste. I often feel it would be better if this situation were
reversed and the normal children received the 'special' education.
The achievments of the disabled children rarely amount to much, so
would it really matter if they received a substandard
education?
POSTED
7/29/2002
K., Sydney, NA,
Australia, 22, Female, Atheist, White/Caucasian, Straight, Educator,
4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 616200264703
Responses:
It is sad that in today's
society, where all strive for perfection, there is little room for
those considered 'imperfect.' I am glad that in the United States all
that money is being poured into those disadvantaged mentally and
physically. I wish the same were happening here in Kenya. Perhaps you
need to change careers, because all are the same in the eyes of God,
and we cannot measure success in terms of achievements only. Success
is in the process of trying and the strength one gets out of
it.
POSTED 8/28/2002
Wanjiru, Nairobi, NA,
Kenya, 28, Female, Christian, African, Straight, Social Worker, 4
Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 83200250904
I must say that I, too,
was offended by the suggestion that educational resources allocated
to the disabled are being 'wasted' and could be better used
elsewhere. As a disabled person (I have been confined to a wheelchair
since age six), I am appalled by such a suggestion. We are as
entitled to an education as the next person, and yes, we can learn as
well (or better) as them in spite of (or perhaps due to) our physical
limitations. I hold a Ph.D. in molecular biology - not an easy task
even for so-called 'normal' people. I feel that everyone is entitled
to an education, no matter what their situation in life. Would it be
fair to limit access to an education only to those from middle- to
upper-class areas - since statistically those from the lower
social-economic areas are more likely to end up as criminals or on
drugs? Wouldn't that be a waste of our resources as well?
POSTED 8/28/2002
D.D., Toronto, Ontario,
NA, Canada, 26, Male, Atheist, White/Caucasian, Straight, Paralyzed,
Molecular Biologist, Over 4 Years of College, Upper class, Mesg ID
84200245857
You clearly don't know
what it is like to be disabled. I have a sight problem that isn't
that serious, but I know people with much more severe disabilities
than mine. Everyday life is challenging for them, so of course they
won't achieve what 'normal' people would. When they do achieve
something, though, they are incredibly proud, even if it seems a
simple task to others. To achieve something often means you overcome
something that is difficult, whether you are disabled or not.
Different people achieve different things, and it means different
things to the individuals. Don't push disabled people aside. They
have a lot to offer. It's sad that people like you don't realize
that.
POSTED 8/28/2002
Glen, Exeter, NA,
United Kingdom, 19, Male, White/Caucasian, Partially sighted,
Student, Mesg ID 8282002100234
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Question:
Why do women nag so much?
POSTED 8/28/2002
James M., San Salvador, NA, El Salvador, 30, Male, Mesg ID
826200223425
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Question:
I was with a new (white) friend at an event where a woman went
up on stage and unexpectedly revealed her rear end to the audience.
The context was hilarious, and the show continued uninterrupted.
Later, my friend made reference to the woman's 'black crack.' I'm new
to the United States and have heard several comments or labels I
would consider inappropriate but have discovered are perfectly
acceptable in U.S. society. Is this one of them? Or should I fully
explore my 'friend's' views on race before I commit myself to a
friendship with her?
POSTED 8/28/2002
Shawna, Sacramento, CA, United States, 28, Female,
White/Caucasian, Lesbian, Mesg ID 827200241806
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Question:
I want to know the straight-up truth from guys and girls: I am
an amputee and am on crutches all the time. Would that really keep
someone from dating me or asking me out?
POSTED 8/19/2002
Samantha, Seattle, WA, United States, 21, Female, Lutheran,
White/Caucasian, Straight, amputee, student, 2 Years of College,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 318200292359
Responses:
Your amputation might prevent some people from asking you out, might
attract some and might make no difference to others. Some people are
all about appearances and could be hesitant to ask someone who
doesn't fit their ideal of perfection (which they don't realize
doesn't really exist in the first place). Some people are VERY
attracted to amputees to the point of fetishism, but you may find
yourself turned off by these folks as they tend to objectify their
desires, seeing the individual as a sexual object rather than a
person. Still others see the person, not the missing limbs. These
folks are the ones I would encourage relationships with, as they want
to know the person inside, not the exterior shell. So if you break
people down by categories, you've got people asking you out in two
out of three. Sounds like pretty good odds.
POSTED 8/21/2002
Doug, Phoenix, AZ, United States, 39, Male, New Age/Metaphysical,
White/Caucasian, Gay, Administrator, 2 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 8212002104942
I believe there are many people who would have no problem dating
someone disabled. I see it happening all around me. People are
especially interested in someone who has a positive attitude despite
their perceived difficulties in life.
POSTED 8/28/2002
Tracy, Edmond, OK, United States, Mesg ID 823200251259
If I were under 30 and met you, I would be wanting to date you.
Women missing a leg are as attractive to me as women with large,
inviting breasts are to most guys. But I'd still want to get to know
who you are, and whether our lives could mesh together.
POSTED 8/28/2002
Kent, Brisbane, NA, Australia, 58, Male, Episcopalian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Retired, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 825200212254
In my opinion, an amputee (or any challenged person) has the
advantage of sorting out the riff-raff before getting to square one.
There are guys out there looking for a good-looking, perfect
specimen, regardless of personality. Other guys are looking for a
woman of character. Often, women of physical beauty and perfection
lack good character qualities. If you radiate self-confidence and are
friendly, a guy of character will give you full consideration. Any
woman would be wise to downplay her physical attributes and find
someone who likes her for what she is inside.
POSTED 8/28/2002
Ronald V., Edmonton, Alberta, NA, Canada, 49, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
8262002112743
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Question:
I was raised in a non-denominational, non-religious household
by a mother from a strict Roman Catholic household and a father from
a strict Southern Baptist household. They were married by a Justice
of the Peace and never made me go to a church of any kind. As a
result, I have had the adventure of learning about many different
religions and asking questions about all of them. It puzzles me that
so many people can attest to aspects of their religion as if they are
proven scientific fact (e.g., 'Jesus died for our sins') when there
really isn't any proof that such things are true. I mean no
disrespect to anyone of any faith by asking, but how can you say
something is true if you don't have proof? Just because something is
written in a book does not necessarily mean it happened, or that it
happened just the way it was written. Please explain to me how you
have developed absolute faith in your religion given lack of
proof.
POSTED 8/19/2002
Tracy, Edmond, OK, United States,
<lavenderlilycuao@hotmail.com>, 30, Female, Spiritual but not
religious, White/Caucasian, Straight, Electronic Banking
Administrator, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
816200221917
Responses:
That is exactly what faith is: being able to believe strongly in
something without proof of its reality. I was raised similarly, with
a Roman Catholic mother and Jewish father. My fiancee is Muslim, and
me, I'm pagan, through choice of study of culture, religion and other
hard facts. Thus, my faith is placed on hard history rather than
stories that are claimed to be history (and may quite well be). In
the end, true faith is whatever you believe in, not what others would
have you believe.
POSTED 8/21/2002
Daniel, Guymon, OK, United States, Male, Pagan, Straight, Mesg ID
821200222254
I too come from a mixed religion household (Southern Baptist and
Mormon) and as a result was raised without being required to attend
church. I have for years counted this as a blessing, as it allowed me
to view all religions on an equal footing and see many similarities
without first having to overcome preconceived notions of what
'should' be based on my upbringing. I also have been free of
religious doctrine regarding behavior and 'sin,' allowing me to
develop my own sense of self-worth and behaviors without fear of
recrimination or self-judgment. You are asking people to prove faith.
Faith cannot be proven, it just is. You either have it or you don't.
I have had personal experiences that have led me to believe in a
spirituality (blessedly free from dogmatic rules and regulations),
and though I have faith in my experiences and perceptions, I cannot
convince you of the same. Faith is an individual expression. For some
people it is ingrained at an early age. Others come to believe on
their own. You find in yourself the faith to believe what you feel to
be right (or what is right for you at this moment) regardless of the
religion or lack thereof. Faith cannot by definition be proven, only
demonstrated.
POSTED 8/21/2002
Doug, Phoenix, AZ, United States, 39, Male, New Age/Metaphysical,
White/Caucasian, Gay, Administrator, 2 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 8212002111826
Who are you to decide if something is worth believing for other
people? Why do you care if I believe that Jesus died for my sins and
as a result of that mankind may be reconciled with God? It makes me
angry that some people who are not religious have the nerve to cast
doubt on others who believe. As you weren't there when the Bible was
written, who are you to say what did or didn't happen? Yes, I
question my beliefs all the time. But don't you or anyone else tell
me what I should believe in, and don't make me feel like I'm wrong or
naive just because I believe in Jesus. Some things just cannot be
explained. It's called faith.
POSTED 8/21/2002
Monique M., Ft. Myers, FL, United States, 16, Female, Pentecostal,
Black/African American, Straight, Less than High School Diploma,
Middle class, Mesg ID 821200214915
Most people feel they need a 'religion' to tell them what to
'believe' in order to be 'saved.' Religion seems to connotate church
attendence, thus believing the church's interpretation of the Bible,
Koran, Book of Mormon or whatever. With 50 years of church attendence
of almost every 'mainline' denomination behind me, I am convinced
there is only one thing right for me: I am spiritual and believe in a
'higher power.' I believe that higher power gave me a conscience. I
don't need to believe what anyone tells me, written or spoken. What
matters is and as it should be, in one's heart.
POSTED 8/28/2002
Carol S., Mountain Home, AR, United States,
<edg_org_ar@hotmail.com>, 57, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, retired, Mesg ID 819200255719
We cannot believe anything with absolute certainty. There is no
way of being absolutely sure the whole world is not a simulation in
an alien computer, or a dream in the mind of God. We develop faith in
the everyday world by experiencing it reliably day after day. Same
goes for faith in a Faith.
POSTED 8/28/2002
Ian, B/water, NA, United Kingdom, 34, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
822200275957
Faith is a gift from God. My proof is the peace and assurance I
feel in my heart. If you get in your car every day and believe it
will start when you turn the key, you have faith in the automobile
industry. What kind of proof do you have that the car won't explode
while you are driving? You are relying on the history of the
automobile and testimonies from other drivers, as well as what the
car dealership tells you. I'm relying on the Bible (God's word to
man), testimonies from other Christiansand what I'm hearing at my
church. I have had so many amazing things happen in my life that I
have faith in what I believe. I have hope for the future and joy that
I will spend eternity in heaven with God, my Father, and Jesus
Christ, my savior.
POSTED 8/28/2002
Annie, Lawrenceville, GA, United States, 50, Female, Lutheran,
White/Caucasian, Straight, copy editor, Over 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 823200292243
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Question:
I have been wearing glasses for quite some time and am not a
candidate for laser surgery, and I'm sick of the negative stereotype
of women who wear glasses. Watch any movie or TV show with an 'ugly
girl,' and I guarantee she'll wear glasses or be overweight,
sometimes both. In real life, people see women who wear glasses as
ultra-intellectual, bookish, reserved, Puritanical and very plain and
boring. Why is this? I got a lot more attention from men when I was
wearing contact lenses between age 16 and 26, but now that I am a
'speccy git,' I am virtually ignored. I am the same woman, but now
it's obvious I'm blind as a bat. I'd appreciate any opinions about
society's stereotype of women with glasses.
POSTED 8/19/2002
Tracy, Edmond, OK, United States,
<lavenderlilycuao@hotmail.com>, 30, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Electronic Banking Administrator, 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 816200223612
Responses:
I find glasses to be very
enticing. They draw attention to the face and highlight the eyes,
while also obscuring the face ever so slightly. Given that the face
has been repeatedly surveyed as women's most attractive feature, and
that the eyes form the focus of the face, it constantly surprises me
that more men don't like glasses much. I would suggest the problem is
that the frames you have are unbecoming on you. For some reason,
whenever you go in for a new prescription, the doctor gives you the
drops that make your pupils expand for the next two hours BEFORE you
choose frames, and so you can't see very well when selecting said
frames. Next time ask to pick out your frames first.
POSTED 8/20/2002
Alex, Beloit, WI,
United States, <first_wizard@hotmail.com>, 19, Male, Jewish,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Student, High School Diploma, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 8202002124922
I believe you are
correct in the stereotype assumption, but to me a woman with nice
eyes who wears fashionable glasses is incredibly attractive. I think
it's the assumption that she is intelligent on first glance (maybe
because of the stereotype!). True, an attractive bimbo can put on
some specs and look good, but you'd find out the truth as soon as you
had a conversation. So don't fret, there are people who appreciate
the look.
POSTED 8/20/2002
Zeke, Auburn Hills, MI,
United States, 35, Male, Christian, White/Caucasian, Straight,
engineer, 4 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID
8202002112530
I grew up in a family
where everyone (at least all of the adults) wore glasses, yet I have
to confess that a woman tends to look more attractive to me without
glasses - IF she has a pretty face to begin with. It isn't a big
difference, but I think it has to do with the fact that glasses
obscure the eyes and interrupt the contours of the face and hair.
Despite this, when my wife started to wear glasses, my first
impression was not that she looked less attractive, but that she now
looked 'normal' to me.
POSTED 8/28/2002
Jerry S., New Britain,
CT, United States, 54, Male, Jewish, White/Caucasian, Straight, 4
Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 819200215807
Perhaps you are letting
your negativity 'color' your vision. I don't pay much attention to
movie stereotypes. I wore glasses from the time I was nine and
switched to contacts at 19. I love the new lighter lenses for people
with heavy prescriptions. I did hate the old heavy frame and glasses,
but now I now wear my contacts and glasses interchangably and notice
no difference in the attention. I am still the same person with or
without glasses. How do you feel and look in your glasses to YOU? If
you feel confident, sexy, attractive and attention-worthy, then you
are. Trust me, I prefer being able to see when a person is flirting
or paying attention to me, rather than seeing something fuzzy. It's
all about attitude. Haven't you ever twirled the stem of your glasses
flirtatiously or clamped them between you teeth? Drives men wild. My
feeling is, throw those negative sterotypes out of your mind, get a
couple pair of dynamite glasses that really complement you and enjoy
yourself. See and be seen!
POSTED 8/28/2002
Serene, Chandler, AZ,
United States, 43, Female, Black/African American, Business Owner, 2
Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 821200282621
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Question:
Why is it that whites and Hispanics who are keen on black
culture are still so hateful toward blacks? I have never heard of a
Hispanic person hiring a black person in my life (all my black
friends say the same) and affirmative action is needed for a white
person to even look at a black person's resume. Yet these same people
listen to 'black' music. Why? It doesn't make sense to like a group's
culture but hate the people.
POSTED 8/19/2002
Alea, Bronx, NY, United States, 23, Female, Straight, student,
Lower middle class, Mesg ID 816200245817
Responses:
I have noticed this phenomenon, too. I live out in a nowhere hicktown
where every kid is white, dresses in fubu, etc., and has DMX blasting
from souped-up cars. Some are even friends with a few blacks at
school, and act 'down' when around them, and then call them 'nigger'
behind their back. I don't get it. They also regard blacks with
mistrust and as thieves, rapists and just plain violent, as well as
uneducated and just about any other stereotype you can think of. I
asked one why this was, and he simply said, 'I hate niggers, but
there ain't nothin' wrong with likin' their music, is there?'
POSTED 8/20/2002
Ridley S., Chambersburg, PA, United States, 22, Male,
White/Caucasian, Mesg ID 8202002123247
Why do black people love all the things that come with 'white'
culture, such as democracy, personal freedoms, capitalism and
technology, yet treat white people with such disdain? I have yet to
hear a black person say anything positive about Western culture, and
yet they continue to live in the West. And why do black people
absolutely love anything to do with Africa, extol the virtues of
their ancestral land, and yet go through their entire life never
visiting or even considering living there - even though they
associate with the continent more than the United States?
POSTED 8/28/2002
Pete, Jacksonville, FL, United States, Male, Mesg ID 8202002123007
Millions of black people have jobs, and a great many of them were
hired by white and Hispanic people. Why do you think they were hired
only because of affirmative action? Do you have any evidence of this?
I don't think there's necessarily a level playing field yet for
people of different races or genders; you have made a generalization.
The top reasons resumes go into the trash are: Poor presentation
(typos and bad spelling on the resume or cover letter), lack of
experience relevant to the position, or a spotty work history (for
instance, someone who has changed jobs five times in three years).
POSTED 8/28/2002
Lori, Los Angeles, CA, United States, Female, Mesg ID 820200220207
In my experience and the encounters I have had with other blacks,
they deserve to have people being hateful toward them because they
themselves are very hateful. I can say this even though I'm a part of
this race. Black youths in general are very nasty and evil, rude and
are always looking and preying on weak, vulnerable people. A person
can like another person's culture and not like them; it all depends
on what kind of people they encounter. Other non-blacks can listen
and enjoy rap and R&B because of its rhythm and and not because
it has to do with a particular group of people. As for myself, I
enjoy some R&B but don't like the youths who normally listen to
it. Keep in mind that those people you're taliking about probably
have had bad encounters with blacks. Then again, you could be
exaggerating or generalizing a bit. I know what I'm saying is
controversial, but that is the truth.
POSTED 8/28/2002
Monique, Ft. Myers, FL, United States, Female, Black/African
American, Mesg ID 822200241228
I don't really listen to black music, but I can answer your
question about hiring. I am a manager in the customer service
industry in a mostly black area, and after I hired more than a
hundred blacks in the last 5 years, only 2 were good to keep. About
75 percent were substandard in education, had personal problems,
always called in because of 'situations' and had terrible attendance
with bad attitudes. Many were fired for stealing company or customer
property, etc. I have never been prejudiced, but after years of
trying, I don't really want to deal with them anymore. By the way, my
boss is black and he's fed up, too.
POSTED 8/28/2002
Francis, Oakland, CA, United States, 40, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Management, Over 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 8262002114353
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Question:
Why is it that whenever white men write about a black woman in
the media and she is 'attractive,' the white guy must stress that she
is mixed and that that is responsible for her being attractive? Many
black women in the media are not mixed, and if they are, still look
like regular, everyday black women, so I don't understand it.
Non-black female actresses are NEVER constantly talked about in terms
of them being more than one race. Why is this the case for black
women?
POSTED 8/19/2002
Alea, Bronx, NY, United States, 23, Female, Straight, student,
Lower middle class, Mesg ID 816200250543
Responses:
Black women are considered attractive if they are of mixed race
because of how we as black females are portrayed. We are often seen
as unattractive because of our dark skin, naturally coarse hair and
broad features, which may be considered by Anglo-Americans as not
fitting the criteria of what is feminine as far as appearance goes.
Usually when you see a biracial black woman, most of the time she has
a good grade of hair, very soft and pretty to look at, with curls or
waves, and she has longer, faster-growing hair, more European-like
features and a lighter complexion. And that sums it up: those are the
criteria white America says makes a beautiful female. As opposed to
black women we're seen as aggressive,unattractive,loud, and ignorant,
and of course a little too dark. Furthermore, biracial black women
could be seen as more passive or should I say less hostile as opposed
to the stereotype of black women that I mentioned earlier. A woman
the Bible may describe as a 'gentle, quiet spirit.' So that alone
could make her seem more 'desirable.' As a society we have a hard
time viewing black females as feminine and beautiful and if they are
they must biracial. This reminds me of the whole slavery thing dark
skin vs.light skin. Simple as that whomever appears more European is
the beautiful one.Beautiful black women appear in all shades of
hues,just look through Hype Hair or Ebony magazines.
POSTED 8/20/2002
Monique M., Ft. Myers, FL, United States, 16, Female, Pentecostal,
Black/African American, Straight, Less than High School Diploma,
Middle class, Mesg ID 820200225020
You are wrong about non-black mixed-race people not being pointed
out by the media. One can barely read an article about Michelle
Branch, Kristen Kruek or Keanu Reeves without their Eurasian heritage
being bandied about. And how many non-black actors are referrenced as
'part Native American' - Val Kilmer, Lou Diamond Phillips? Too many
to count. You are overly sensitive to African-American stereotypes
and the intense and unnecessary hype that accompanied Halle Berry's
Oscar win.
POSTED 8/28/2002
Ems, Los Angeles, CA, , Mesg ID 820200272602
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