Best of the Week
of Sept. 1, 2002

Best of Week Archives

Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges either begun or advanced during the week of Sept. 1, 2002, as selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s database using the search form, or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in the Original Archives (all questions from the Original Archives have been entered into the database as well). In the Original Archives, as well as in the database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual from that group.

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Question:

Why do old people smell like cabbages? I think it has something to do with chemical breakdown - anyone know?

POSTED 9/5/2002

Ilaria, London, NA, United Kingdom, Female, Mesg ID 94200283514

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Question:

Before the attack on the World Trade Center in New York, there were reports of horrible conditions for women in Afghanistan. Then, after the attack, the media went wild on the burqa (veil) and public beatings of women. I'd like to hear from someone who lived in or visited Afghanistan while it was under the Taliban regime: do you think the U.S./Western media coverage was accurate and fair in its depiction of life in that country?

POSTED 9/5/2002

Bella, Washington, DC, United States, 30, Female, Christian, Afro-Caribbean, Straight, Technical School, Middle class, Mesg ID 95200284421

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Question:

I've always showered at night, and so has my family. I was taught that it's better to shower at night because you don't bring the grime of the day to bed with you. Recently I've realized how many of my white friends shower in the morning. A friend told me Westerners in general shower in the morning; Easterners at night. Is this a racial thing? Cultural thing? Familial preference?

POSTED 9/5/2002

Sarah C., San Francisco area, CA, United States, 24, Female, Agnostic, Asian, Over 4 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 942002123458

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Question:

Are Jews buried in a standing position? Have they ever been buried this way? If so, why? Or is this a persistent myth?

POSTED 9/1/2002

Scott, Bangor, ME, United States, 39, Male, Christian, White/Caucasian, Straight, custodian, High School Diploma, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 831200231038


Responses:
I have heard this story before with the explanation that Jews are buried standing or with their legs bent so that when the Messiah comes they can spring up to greet him. However, I have never seen any evidence to support this story.

POSTED 9/5/2002

Alex, Beloit, WI, United States, 19, Male, Jewish, White/Caucasian, Student, High School Diploma, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 942002112255

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Question:

I feel very uncomfortable because my daughter is dating a Chinese man. I have nothing against his culture and respectable occupation as a dentist, I just find it difficult to imagine part Chinese grandchildren. I am from Spain and am white, and they do look different from us. What do others think of this?

POSTED 8/28/2002

Alan, Dallas, TX, United States, Male, White/Caucasian, Mesg ID 822200244948


Responses:
I can understand what you mean. It is an inherent thing in all of us that we'd like our children and grandchildren to resemble us. By mixing in another race, you fear your grandchildren will look 'different' from you. Pretty simple. Conversely, I'm sure his parents are having a silent heart attack thinking of their grandchildren being half-white.

POSTED 9/1/2002

Marcus, Ottawa, WY, Canada, Mesg ID 8292002121430


I have many friends who have Chinese/Caucasian children and grandchildren. They have varied warm skintones, and often extraordinarily handsome and beautiful faces. I look forward to one of my grandchildren marrying a Chinese person. People from Chinese backgrounds - especially those like your dentist and possible son-in-law - are always very determined to achieve educational and professional/business success. This is something your grandchildren could greatly benefit from.

POSTED 9/1/2002

Kent, Brisbane, NA, Australia, 58, Male, Episcopalian, White/Caucasian, Straight, retired, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 8292002111552


If your daughter is dating a Chinese man, it's probably because he's a good, kind and smart person. If this man makes your daughter happy, isn't that the most important thing? As for mixed-race grandchildren, no matter what their ethnic makeup, they'll still be your grandchildren, still your blood. They will deserve and need your love. You shouldn't love them less because they'll be half-Chinese. I hope you will support your daughter in whatever descision she makes, and encourage her to seek her own happiness.

POSTED 9/1/2002

Jessica, Raleigh, MS, United States, 17, Female, Atheist, White/Caucasian, Straight, Mesg ID 831200215246


As a white person - especially a person with very fair features such as myself - I think this is always an issue. I find women of many different ethnic backgrounds to be attractive, but I know that if I marry a woman who isn't white, or even one who is but who has dark hair and eyes, then my children won't look like me, and that's a difficult thing to cope with. I don't have an answer, but I know how you feel.

POSTED 9/1/2002

Ben, Morgantown, WV, United States, 21, Male, Agnostic, White/Caucasian, Straight, salesperson, Over 4 Years of College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 91200252727


I agree with Ben totally. If I were to marry a white man I wouldn't want children because I know they wouldn't look like me. So I understand what you're talking about. But at the same time, there is nothing I would want more than to have a child with the love of my life, regardless of his race.

POSTED 9/1/2002

Keimo, Milwaukee, WI, United States, <millerfan@hotmail.com>, 18, Female, Black/African American, Straight, college student, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 91200281738


He may 'look different' from you, but I can assure you he's exactly as human as you (and your daughter). Assuming she does marry him and have his children, they will be beautiful, as all children are, and you will love them just as much as you would love any 'all-white' grandchildren you might have.

POSTED 9/1/2002

E.D., Kansas City, MO, United States, 46, Female, Black/African American, Mesg ID 91200265911

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Question:

What's the deal with a lot of blacks drinking grape soda, Kool-aid and other weird, fruity drinks? I've worked in restaurants and delivered pizza, and it's a strange phenomenon.

POSTED 5/12/2002

Trip, Columbia, MD, United States, Mesg ID 5102002101409


Responses:
Different people tend to like different types of things, but I don't think of it as something weird.

POSTED 9/1/2002

Jade, Cleveland, OH, United States, 34, Female, Christian, Black/African American, Straight, Teacher, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 726200243736


I think this is a combination of social class and family background. A lot of black food and culture is Southern - or rather African as shaped by the American South. In general, Southerners in the United States eat and drink sweeter foods than Northerners. There is also a class component to this: the wealthier and better-educated a family, the less likely they are to consume a lot of junk food. I live in a mixed neighborhood - yuppies moving in to a traditionally lower class black/hispanic area. In the morning, I see the yuppie moms go into the corner store with little kids. The Yuppie kids get stuff like OJ, water, milk, bagels, fruit, or cheerios. The lower class moms buy their kids soda, those Hi-C juice bottles, chips, and all sorts of packaged pastries, cakes etc. As a yuppie living in NYC, I drink diet coke, club soda, gatorade, and once in a blue moon, gingerale (Canada Dry only, everything else is too sweet for my taste). I don't know a single peer (of any color) who drinks grape, orange, or other fruity drinks - in fact most of us who drink gatorade for athletic reasons cut it with water b/c we think it is too sweet. Hispanics in the US, in my experience, also drink lots of super sweet fruity sodas, but having traveled in Latin America, I can say that this is part of their culture and all classes like this stuff.

POSTED 9/1/2002

Mary, New York, NY, United States, 33, Female, White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 91200281451

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Question:

Why does black cuisine seem to so often have fatty and/or rich foods in it? What is the cultural origin? I have a black friend for whom it's normal to put an entire stick of butter in a bowl of peas. I consider myself open-minded toward food, but I'm not sure if I could ever stomach that much richness.

POSTED 9/2/2002

Sarah C., San Francisco area, CA, United States, 24, Female, Agnostic, Asian, Over 4 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 831200231450


Responses:
What your'e referring to is individual preference, not necessarily so-called 'black' cuisine. I happen to consider myself African American, and I am vegetarian and would rather not have a stick of butter in a bowl of peas - but that's me. There are many whites and blacks in various regions of the country - particularly the South - where the regional dishes are richer than other parts of the country: fried chicken, biscuits with butter, etc., for example. However, this is regional cuisine and not what you are referring to as 'black' cuisine. Besides, most of us 'blacks' have mixed heritage and prefer many different types of cuisines. I am Native American, French, Portuguese, English and, of course, African.

POSTED 9/5/2002

Cara, Boston, MA, United States, Female, mixed race, Mesg ID 93200254312

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Question:

What is the attraction white women have for black men, and vice a versa for black men for white women? Is it all about sexual fantasies? What stops you from acting out the fantasy if that is what it is?

POSTED 9/2/2002

Raymond, Bayamon, NY, United States, <rcole46@yahoo.com>, 37, Male, Christian, Black/African American, Straight, Actor-Teacher, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 912002100003

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Question:

I worked for the U.S. Census a few years ago and am curious about how people of Middle Eastern (i.e. Iran, Turkey, Egypt, etc.) countries identify themselves racially. We were directed to input only "self-descriptions" of racial identity (no guessing allowed), and I usually received shrugs and blank looks from the Middle Eastern respondents when we got to the 'race' question (which I was required to ask). The majority finally said 'white,' which I found to be interesting considering the very specific racial divisions (acknowledged or otherwise) we have in this country. Are there distinct lines drawn between race, ethnicity and nationality for Middle Eastern peoples, or is it a big blur?

POSTED 9/2/2002

A. Adams, Los Angeles, CA, United States, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 922002123811


Responses:
The terms 'Caucasion' or 'Cacausoid,' like all the other races as defined, were used to describe physical characteristics and had nothing to do with skin color. Therefore, a blond, light-complected Nordic and a frizzy-haired, dark-complected Semite are both Caucasian. Today, I don't know if it's just in the United States, but white has become synonomous with Caucasian. Most don't think of Mideasterners as white, and because we use Hispanic/Latino and Pacific Islander as 'races,' why not add Mideastern or Semitic, too? I always assumed they would be labeled Asian, but I say let them decide for themselves. I wonder what Australian Aborigines would be labeled?

POSTED 9/5/2002

Ridley S., Chambersburg, PA, United States, 22, Male, Agnostic, White/Caucasian, Mesg ID 922002100914


To make a long matter short, the concept of race is almost unknown in most Middle Eastern countries. In Egypt, for example, you have people of all shades across all classes and religions. For example, when people consider getting married, they usually don't notice skin color. The concept of ethnicity and culture is very strong, though. For example, in Egypt the Nubians are a distinct group, not because they are black but because they have a different culture. Note also that Iranians are Indo-Europeans, Turks are Mongols and Arabs are semitic. So these three groups will NEVER identify themselves together under a single grouping. So ethnicity and nationality are important and distinct, race is considered amusing pseudo-science here!

POSTED 9/5/2002

Karim O., Cairo, NA, Egypt, 22, Male, Muslim, Arab, Straight, Engineer, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 93200215800


Why must we categorize ourselves into 'races'? There is no such thing as a race (except for the human race) as we all have characteristics consistent with other so-called races, creeds and colors and their subdivisions. For example, if we define white people as those who have thin lips, narrow noses, straight hair and pale skin, we would be loathe to find any 'whites' who fit the entire bill. Some whites have very curly hair, some have thick lips, etc. We cannot categorize ourselves. What a fruitless effort.

POSTED 9/5/2002

Cara, Boston, MA, United States, Female, mixed race, Mesg ID 93200253612

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Question:

I understand that American Sign Language is recognized as a legitimate language, but my concern is that ASL when written out makes no sense, and it's frustrating and infuriating that some deaf customers have this snotty attitude that we should know what they're communicating to us. I understand that deaf people don't want to be considered different or treated as such, but to me it's stupid and unreasonable that those I come in contact with feel I should go out of my way to learn this. You can't have your cake and eat it, too, and my feeling is they should learn to write in proper English. What do others think?

POSTED 8/29/2002

Carrie L., Scottsdale, AZ, United States, 30, Female, Catholic, Asian, Straight, 4 Years of College, Upper class, Mesg ID 8282002102011


Responses:
It's not clear from what you said what field you are in, but it might benefit you to learn some more about ASL and deaf culture, especially if you deal with a lot of deaf people. There's a book called For Hearing People Only that is a good starting place. As for deaf people learning to write 'proper' English: There isn't really such a thing as written ASL (though some systems have been worked out for research purposes and such). What you're encountering is probably English words in ASL grammatical order. For deaf people who learn ASL as their natural first language, English is a second language. I know that when I'm attempting to speak a language that isn't my native language, I make grammatical errors. So when speaking (or writing) to another person for whom English is a second language, I try to cut him or her some slack and focus on mutual understanding and grasping meanings as the point of communication.

POSTED 9/2/2002

Rachel, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 25, Female, Christian, White/Caucasian, Straight, Customer Service, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 830200240841

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Question:

Are white people just happy to be white? I don't want to be white, but if I were, I'd sure be happy. If I were white, no one would ask me questions like how come all of you people are in gangs and afraid of water. I would not have to hear my mother cry about how she can't hail a cab. I would not have to see people clutch their purses or grab their children as I went to get a bite to eat. Overall, I would not be a victim of harsh discrimination unless I was old, paralyzed or underdressed. Of course, these are just microcosms of American minority life, but we do go through a lot worse, and the white American seemingly never does. We all have family, relationship and money issues, but aside from that, shouldn't white people just be happy to be white?

POSTED 8/28/2002

Jarrett, Chicago, IL, United States, 20, Male, Black/African American, Straight, Student, 2 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 824200233019


Responses:
We are only happy to be white when we compare the way we live our lives to the way so many black people live theirs. I am not speaking of things that you cannot control, I am speaking of choices you make and can control: The whole baby mama, baby daddy thing. The embracing of things criminal. The booty shake. Equating being educated with acting white. As much as we are to blame for some of your problems, you must realize in your heart of hearts that you bring many of these problems on yourselves.

POSTED 8/29/2002

William, Columbia, SC, United States, 39, Male, Methodist, White/Caucasian, Straight, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 828200245143


This has been a message I have tried to get across through questions and answers on Y? Forum: everyone has difficulties in life. Just because I am white doesn't mean people are nice to me. I am greeted by disgruntled people all the time. At work, I am constantly trying to keep my job from overachievers who want everything. I meet mean people from my own race, your race and every other race. A difference I do note is that white people don't blame someone else, because they realize life is sometimes a pile of crap and just move on. It seems from your question that you just want a monopoly on suffering. Well, if that is what you want, go look for it. I, on the other had, keep my head down, take care of the people I love, keep my job so I can pay my way through this life and in my spare time try to have safe fun. So I caution you on your 'racist' view that ALL white people have to do is get up and think about what minority to oppress.

POSTED 8/29/2002

Matthew, New York, NY, United States, 43, Male, White/Caucasian, Middle class, Mesg ID 829200253844

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Question:

If you've grown up in luxury (multi-millionaire family) and enjoyed the finer things in life all your life, would you work as, say, a waitress or security guard if misfortune hit and your family found itself broke? I'm not talking about people like struggling musicians or actors who have an unexpected hit or two and are suddenly rolling in dough, then lose it all in a wild lifestyle. I'm talking about people who come from families who have been rich for generations. How low would you go if the money disappeared?

POSTED 3/2/2002

missjohn316, Washington, DC, United States, 29, Female, Christian, Afro-Caribbean, Straight, administrative assistant, Technical School, Middle class, Mesg ID 2272002103933


Responses:
What intrigues me about this question is the assumption that certain people are 'better off' if they are wealthy or come from a wealthy family. History has taught us that people have reached financial success though they have come from a poor family. Some rich (even royalty) families have experienced dissatisfaction amid their wealth. Solomon the great was said to be 'the richest king,' yet all he wanted was to 'enjoy his meal.' I would like to believe I am skilled enough to repond adequately to any situation in life. I do what I need to based on the situation at the time. Failure or success is based on our response to a situation, rather than the situation itself.

POSTED 8/29/2002

Marie, Porterville, CA, United States, <Benjamincastro@webtv.net>, 52, Female, Methodist, White/Caucasian, Straight, Shoulder injury, Nurse, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 828200262255


I have the luck to be from the European 'upper echelon' described by Amber. My family fits your frame: I occasionally enjoy real caviar, foie gras, silk and even a friend's castle. However, I am taught the difference between income (self-earned and spendable) and heritage (family owned and should be passed to the next generation). So I do work. Most of us do. I do not have the fitness to be a security guard, but I did occasionally work as a waitress at the student watering hole of my university. I would go as low as anybody else if the money disappeared. But, like my ancestors did, I intend to learn the skills required to avoid such misfortune.

POSTED 8/29/2002

Butterfly, Liege, NA, Belgium, 30, Female, Over 4 Years of College, Upper class, Mesg ID 312200282835


My family will never run out of money - we come from generations of successful business people. However, each generation has learned to sustain itself despite wealthy parents. Each of the children in our family will always be taken care of in times of need out of love, but this is not a license for lifelong leeching. My father, his father, myself and two siblings have each amassed our own wealth, big and small, through personal achievement with the encouragement of our family. Emotional support is the core of our household, not financial. There are the exceptions: my alcoholic uncle with his wife and three children live off the money of his father. It is his choice to make little of himself. The rest of us learn to depend on only ourselves for money and the strong bonds of love between us for everything else.

POSTED 8/29/2002

B. Heard, San Antonio, TX, United States, <PincushionQn@aol.com>, 20, Female, Christian, Mexican/ Caucasian, Straight, Student, file clerk, 2 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 3122002112141


Although I would not classify my parents as being extremely wealthy, we did live nicely. Our neighborhood was located in one of the most expensive communities in our area. I also had many privileges not available to most children (especially African Americans), such as going on cruises, attending private schools and basically getting whatever clothes, toys and whatnot I wanted. I didn't have a need for anything. However, my family environment (especially in my teenage years) was very dysfunctional. With my father being alcoholic, controlling and emotionally abusive, I had no problems leaving when I got of age. Many people couldn't understand this. They would see my house and assume I was happy, but I wasn't. I wanted to have freedom and was willing to do whatever I needed to obtain it. This meant doing what your post said: taking a 'lower-class' job and 'suffering' through my own bills, and so on. I wanted to establish a sense of independence. So for me, I WOULD take whatever job available to support myself. I have no qualms in taking, let's say, a janitorial or fast-food job to make ends met. Money is money, and one should not feel a certain type of industry is degrading, especially when it is used as a stepping stone to something better.

POSTED 8/29/2002

Kristina, Washington, DC, United States, <kfount500@aol.com>, 21, Female, Christian, Black/African American, Straight, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 312200240658


Most people who grow up rich have an understanding of business relations and know many wealthy and important business men and women. They would not need to work as a security guard because they would be given a poistion at a company somewhere.

POSTED 8/29/2002

Drew, Motown, WV, United States, 30, Male, White/Caucasian, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 313200280122


This has happened more than a few times and is documented in both history and literature (Vonnegut's 'Dead Eye Dick,' for one). What usually happens is more of a long-term (two or three generation) decline rather than a big drop. Trust funds that deep are soaked in property, CDs and other safe investments. But when a big 'fall' does take place, the kids usually don't end up as waiters, but rather mid-level managers at their 'old family friends'' companies. If they have the same genes that made their families money, they'll rise back up slowly, though never reaching the apex again. If not, they'll be just like every descendent of an English royalty that showed up in the United States between 1780 and 1800: indistinguishable from the regular populace within a few generations. I would disagree with the earlier posts that said these people wouldn't have any survival skills. I was a scholarship case at a 'rich' private college. What the rich kids lacked (very obviously I might add) in what we would call common sense (don't pay $5 a pound for hamburger at the corner store), they made up for in social skills with 'their types.' When it comes to an interview at grandpa's drinking buddy's investment firm, that's what will count. Those places are full of those types, taking entry-level jobs sorting mail and making coffee. Some rise from there, some don't.

POSTED 8/29/2002

Brian, Peru, IN, United States, 26, Male, Christian, White/Caucasian, Straight, journalist, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 313200285300


I come from a family that has been wealthy for generations. By a misguided investment choice, my father lost everything his father and father's father had built. When I was in high school, I chose the profession of bartender, to the horror and disgrace of my brothers and sisters - and especially my mother. I felt estranged from my family, even before I made my career choice. It depends on your character strength and willingness to move forward no matter what happens . If you choose to wallow in self-pity, then at some point you'll go under. Everyone deals with bad fortune in one way or another. I still make a very good living and am happy and content with where I am today. As for the rest of my family, they are all working in various professions, and although we miss the lifestyle we had once, our love of life did not diminish. In short, the way you live your life and view your world depends on you, and you only. Even us 'rich' folk are strong enough to bend.

POSTED 8/29/2002

A. D. Smith, Seaside, OR, United States, 30, Female, White/Caucasian, Bisexual, bartender, Technical School, Mesg ID 319200213643

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Question:

Why do women nag so much?

POSTED 8/28/2002

James M., San Salvador, NA, El Salvador, 30, Male, Mesg ID 826200223425


Responses:
If you ever find out, please write a book for the rest of us. You'll become rich beyond your wildest dreams.

POSTED 9/2/2002

Bill, Burlington, VT, United States, 44, Male, Middle class, Mesg ID 830200272007


What do you mean by nagging? Do you mean a woman who might be assertive? Men and women nag. In my opinion, people often nag if they feel they are not being taken seriously or if they feel they are not being heard. Often, complaining or venting is an outlet or makes them feel a little better. People get frustrated regardless of their sex and go through all those crappy emotions throughout their life. As far as your perception that women nag, it could be that traditionally women might have been taught to be reserved, repress their emotions and be kind and sweet. Now we're supposed to be living in a less-traditional society, so women probably feel it's OK to vent and be bitchy.

POSTED 9/2/2002

Monique M., Ft. Myers, FL, United States, Female, Mesg ID 91200293719


Men do it, too; it just sounds worse when we do it because our voices are shriller. Anyway, women talk more than men anyway, so it follows that we would nag more.

POSTED 9/5/2002

Anne, London, NA, United Kingdom, 19, Female, Atheist, White/Caucasian, Straight, student, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 942002113531

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Question:

I was with a new (white) friend at an event where a woman went up on stage and unexpectedly revealed her rear end to the audience. The context was hilarious, and the show continued uninterrupted. Later, my friend made reference to the woman's 'black crack.' I'm new to the United States and have heard several comments or labels I would consider inappropriate but have discovered are perfectly acceptable in U.S. society. Is this one of them? Or should I fully explore my 'friend's' views on race before I commit myself to a friendship with her?

POSTED 8/28/2002

Shawna, Sacramento, CA, United States, 28, Female, White/Caucasian, Lesbian, Mesg ID 827200241806


Responses:
I suspect it is, but I am unfamiliar with it. If you give the entire quote, I (and I am sure others) will let you know. I strongly suspect you should fully explore your 'friend's' views on race before you commit to a friendship with her.

POSTED 8/29/2002

Wayne C., Parsippany, NJ, United States, 41, Male, Black/African American, Straight, marketing, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 828200245337


I have lived in Sacramento my entire life, and if you weren't very aware of it before, then I should tell you that California is a very diverse state, probably the most diverse in the United States. Your friend is probably not a racist. Many Californians grew up learning about and tolerating other races and cultures. The comment your friend made is most likely just a comment meant to be funny.

POSTED 9/2/2002

Peter P., Sacramento, CA, United States, 18, Male, Catholic, White/Caucasian, Straight, College Student, High School Diploma, Middle class, Mesg ID 830200294151

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