Best of the Week
of Sept. 5, 1999
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Sept. 5, 1999, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing our
new database using our search form, or, in
the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in our
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any questions relevant
to your demographic background, as well as to ask any provocative
question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily meant to
represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can provide a
window into the insights of an individual from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question:
To gays, lesbians and bisexuals: How did you know you were gay? I'm
not sure whether I am or not. I am definitely attracted to girls, but
sometimes I start thinking about guys I see and guys I know.
POSTED 9/7/1999
Matt, Arlington, MA, United States, 15, Male, White/Caucasian, Unsure
of sexual orientation, High School Student, Less than High School
Diploma , Middle class, Mesg ID 96199960337
Responses:
For me, it was an intense feeling, both mental and physical, of
wanting to be close to certain people, and those people were of the
same sex. I found females attractive and appreciated the friendships
we had, but the attraction toward guys was such a unique feeling that
I realized I also wanted to be with them physically. I wish you the
best as you grow through your understanding of yourself. Always be
true to yourself and you will find your way.
POSTED 9/8/1999
Matthew, New York, NY, United States, 40, Male, Spiritualist,
White/Caucasian, Gay, Artist, Over 4 Years of College , Upper class,
Mesg ID 97199985644
That's an interesting question you pose. Usually it comes from a
disappointed family member who's trying to convince you that maybe
you're not really gay if you haven't had a same-sex relationship. I
always thought men were attractive, and I still do, but the
distinction for me is that I have no interest in having a sexual
relationship with them. I still get the angry guys telling me I would
be straight if I had a night with them or that I just need the right
man, but I've already found the right woman. "Attraction" is a tricky
thing. You can be attracted to a lot of different people, but what
you do about it is a tough question. I know many gays who, when they
first came to terms with their sexuality, thought they were bisexual,
just like I did, but then I realized more and more that I was far
more attracted to women, and that outweighed any feeling I had toward
men. I love men, I just don't "love" men! You are still young. Don't
panic about needing to know exactly who you are right now. I was 16
when I had my first girlfriend. It was a total secret, and she even
continued to see guys because she was afraid of what people would
think. Even after all that, it still took me six years after my
relationship ended to admit to myself that I was gay. Things will
start to come into perspective little by little. Hang in there!
POSTED 9/8/1999
Jen, Orlando, FL, United States, 25, Female, White/Caucasian,
Lesbian, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 97199995558
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Question:
When will we in this country stop this in-fighting among ourselves?
This great country of ours is made up of millions of people from
different cultures and backgrounds. Instead of embracing all of them,
we want to separate ourselves from them. Why? Because they are
different?
POSTED 9/7/1999
Tony C., Vista, CA, United States, Male, Hispanic/Latino, Straight,
Student/teacher's aide, 2 Years of College,Mesg ID 971999123014
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Question:
To artists and non-artists: What is art? I ask this after trawling
through some of the web-based art galleries. One particular piece was
of an old plastic bag full of newspapers. What can be counted as a
piece of art?
POSTED 5/6/1999
Graham, London, NA, United Kingdom,
<gstreet@gstreet.demon.co.uk>, Male, Mesg ID 569961523
Responses:
I originally went to school for Fine Arts in New York, where we
would all sit around in groups and discuss the definition of art and
its value. First, art is communication in expressive forms. If
something communicates to you through one of your five senses, it is
art. Even when you don't like it. Now, whether the art created has
any validity is another issue. That is what you go to school to
study. Anyone can grab a brush and start to paint a canvas. But it is
the talents of a person that make the canvas become art. When you see
a trash bag full of newspapers, you see a trash bag in the corner. To
someone else, the trash bag can have sculptural qualities, or the
newspapers crumpled in the bag can have symbolic meaning. Consider
the time period which the artistic item occupies, and then focus on
the art in relation to its history. Art has constantly been created
as a reaction to the life and time of that historical period. If you
want to validate the trash bag as art, you can do it using these
means. Or you can just call the trash bag a trash bag.
POSTED 9/7/1999
James, Denver, CO, United States, <jhames@yahoo.com>, 24, Male,
Buddhist, White/Caucasian, Gay, Web Developer, Over 4 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 7149913659
"Art is whatever the artist can get away with" - Carlos
Castaneda
POSTED 9/8/1999
Jason, Boulder, CO, United States, 29, Male, Pagan, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Graphic designer, 2 Years of College , Lower middle class,
Mesg ID 97199913306
Art is tangible means for intangible ends.
POSTED 9/8/1999
Alex, Elkins Park, PA, United States, Male, Mesg ID 971999104925
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Question:
A friend of mine works for an Internet Service Provider that hosts a
personal ad service and says that men account for 97 percent of all
email traffic. Women, why do you post personal ads but fail to
respond to letters?
POSTED 8/31/1999
Christopher D., Arlington, TX, United States, 23, Male, Christian,
Straight, High School Diploma , Lower middle class, Mesg ID
827199971307
Responses:
I think women post more ads than respond to them in part because
of the huge response rate. Because women know there are gobs of men
for every woman in the personals, they know they can post their own
ads, be specific about what they ask for, and get tons of responses.
Another reason, I think, is that so many men are uncreative and
sexist in their ad-writing. Many ads sound exactly the same, focus
strongly on physical "requirements" and say so little about what the
guy is really like that women are not inspired to answer them. There
are more men than women in general in the ads because women are
taught that men are supposed to flock to us, and that we're not
supposed to do any active things to find a companion, such as place
an ad. Plus, in the case of Internet ads, there are more men than
women on the Internet, so the pool of women is smaller to start with.
When I was single, I placed a few ads (not on the net), and got piles
of responses and met a few boyfriends that way. I was very specific,
using "weed-out" words like "feminist" and "scholarly," and still got
many good responses. I think more women should try it, as it is
definitely a "buyer's market" for wome n- just be careful.
POSTED 9/7/1999
Rhiannon, Eden Prairie, MN, United States, 29, Female, Jewish,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Mesg ID 951999115806
Within the impersonal society that many Americans find themselves
in, it is not surprising that both men and women use the resource of
the Internet to meet possible mates. A possible explanation for women
not pursuing anything beyond an initial posting could be
apprehension. As the primary receivers of sexual predators' advances
(as well as the numerous horror stories about Internet romances gone
bad), it may not be surprising that a woman's primary feeling of
being lonely may be overcome by a second-guess for the sake of
safety.
POSTED 9/8/1999
Beverly B., Corvallis, OR, United States, Female, Mesg ID
921999114557
I'm a bright, well-written woman with no interest in finding a
one-night stand, married man, horny couple or fetishist. However,
although I've posted ads before that I thought were literate, witty
and interesting, and made all of the above clear as a bell, I still
get responses including penile measurements, references to the need
for absolute discretion, and an immediate interest in becoming
sexually intimate. I do not respond. I won't dignify the e-mail with
my time, period. So, I think that may be your answer. My experience
with personal ads hasn't been good. Lots of guys (and girls) are
better on the keyboard than they are in real life, and there's
something about it that makes poeple lie, overstate and embellish
things they never would, or could, in person. I'll keep trying,
because I'm dumb and don't learn quickly, but I'm not expecting to
find Mr. Not Insane.
POSTED 9/8/1999
Patty, Birmingham, AL, United States, 29, Female, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Computer Trainer, Over 4 Years of College
, Middle class, Mesg ID 92199951038
Rhiannon mentioned that women don't respond to peronal ads because
men center their ads more toward sexist or physical themes rather
than discussing more personnal or inner traits. I am a male and have
an ad placed on the Internet. I mentioned that I am physically fit in
my ad so that those who are concerned about that are told. I don't go
into a bunch of poetry because anyone can just type, erase, type,
erase, until they have that perfect, flowing ad. The way to get to
know someone is to respond to their ad, get a little feeling as to
who they are and talk to them on a phone (pay phone if you are
concerned about your safety and privacy). But don't just simply not
reply becasue they didn't include enough poetry about themselves.
POSTED 9/8/1999
Jeff R., Murrieta, CA, United States, <zbadboy64@hotmail.com>,
36, Male, Catholic, White/Caucasian, Straight, Management, Over 4
Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 97199923820
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Question:
What are the religious differences between Protestant Christians and
Roman Catholics? Also, what does the making of the sign of the cross
signify? My guess is for protection, or giving thanks?
POSTED 9/3/1999
A.P., N/A, N/, United States, 17, Mesg ID 93199962121
Responses:
Five hundred years ago, a Catholic monk named Martin Luther
nailed his '95 Theses' on the door of a Catholic church in Germany.
Back then, among other things, the priests were selling slips of
paper to people that declared the forgiveness of all their sins.
Those people would then go out and do whatever they pleased, because
they had this "ticket" into Heaven. Martin Luther did not think this
was right. He felt that you could not buy your way into God's
Kingdom. You only need to have faith in God. Luther did not want to
start a new denomination of Christianity, but wanted instead to
change the Catholic Church. He felt that people needed to live by the
rules in the Bible, not what was made up by people, like those
"tickets." The Catholic Church didn't like this much, and Luther got
into a bunch of trouble. I won't go into that, but that's how
Protestant denominations started, including, of course, Lutheran!
POSTED 9/7/1999
Shari, Canton, MI, United States, 28, Female, Lutheran,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Teacher, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 93199980347
From what I know, the reason Martin Luther was kind of kicked out
of the Roman Catholic Church was that he believed in "sola scriptura"
- that means, scripture only. The Roman Catholic Church teaches that
the Pope can hand down doctrine (ex cathedra) that is equal to the
Bible in its accuracy and import. Martin Luther believed that we
should only look to the Bible, since it is unchanging and men are
fallible. Also, I think Roman Catholics also believe that you can get
to heaven from doing good works, while Luther and the other men of
the Reformation thought that we are saved by grace alone.
POSTED 9/7/1999
Sara, Oakland, CA, United States, Female, Mesg ID 96199983840
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Question:
Is it true that people in Mexico do not like Hispanic Americans?
POSTED 9/3/1999
D. Price, Albuquerque, NM, United States,
<abqteachr@netscape.net>, Mesg ID 93199964353
Responses:
Many people in Mexico have very close relatives, cousins, aunts,
uncles, children, siblings, etc., who are Americans. And they do not
hate their family members just because they are Americans. I would
venture to say that most Mexicans who don't have close ties to the
United States don't hate Hispanic Americans, either. Sometimes
Hispanic Americans are called "Pocho" - which basically means
"pretend Mexican." But this is because we are Americanized. Of course
we are Americanized - we were born in the United States and are just
as American as anybody else. I'm sure there are some people in Mexico
who resent Americans, but that is probably true everywhere.
POSTED 9/7/1999
Lucy H., San Jose, CA, United States, 24, Female, Hispanic/Latino,
Engineer, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 931999122032
During the many times I've been to Mexico I never felt any hateful
prejudice against me, but sometimes an amused belief that I wasn't
"really" Mexican because I'm much taller than your average Mexican, I
dress "American" (though in America I'm seen as dressing "cholo"), my
Spanish has a lot of slang, and so on. But I do see some hatred in
the United States between Latinos who were born here and those who
are immigrants, "pochos" vs. "mojados." Some of the first group
shares a lot of the prejudiced attitudes toward immigrants as some
Anglos. I suspect it's because they feel the need to prove they're
"more American" by taking part in this prejudice. Some of the
immigrants accuse the native born of wanting to be white or
forgetting their heritage, charges that are sometimes true, in my
view. Ironically, the last round of immigrant bashing by politicians
helped bring both sides closer. Many of us recognized that, to a
white racist, "somos illegales," we're all seen as wetbacks, and we
have to overcome that together.
POSTED 9/7/1999
A.C.C., W Lafayette, IN, United States, <bigi__@yahoo.com> ,
Mexican and American Indian, Grad student, Over 4 Years of College,
Mesg ID 93199922018
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Question:
Why do some whites attempt to use aspects of Native American tribal
religions, often through paying money for something? And when they
do, why do they insist it's an attempt to 'honor' or 'join' us, when
for the most part they don't live in or work for the benefit of our
communities?
POSTED 9/3/1999
Angela P., Minneapolis, MN, United States, 22, Female,
Mandan/Hidatsa/Cree, Mesg ID 93199964632
Responses:
As white people, we have been repeatedly told to embrace
multiculturism and diversity. Your question reinforces the axiom of
"you're damned if you do and damned if you don't." By that I mean
that society demands that we explore and accept Native American and
other cultures, but then when we try to do just that, we are
criticized for doing it because we don't live in the community. I
suspect Native Americans and other groups don't like or appreciate
what they see as "white do-gooders" in their community anyway, and
many whites realize this. So maybe that's why many whites are just
content to let their tax dollars and charitable contributions work
for the benefit of the communities. Also, most people don't realize
the extremely high percentage of whites (as well as blacks) who have
Native American in their ancestry. I heard recently that 97 percent
of whites whose families have been in America more than 150 years
descend from Native Americans on at least one branch of their family
tree. The same source said 90 percent of whites whose families have
been here more than 150 years descend from at least one black person
in their lineage. So wanting to honor or join you may not be as
far-fetched as you seem to think.
POSTED 9/5/1999
Steve J., Warrensburg, MO, United States, 42, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, 2 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 94199992743
I am very interested in your question, but could you expand upon
it some more, as I am not really sure what you are asking? Are you
referring to things like people buying "dream catchers" and other
First Nations items? Even though I do not have any First Nations
background, I do have a very deep interest, respect and admiration
for your people. Many of your culture's ideas, religion and respect
for the earth and fellow beings are aspects I identify with and want
to learn more about and if possible become a part of. In addition, I
find your culture very interesting, beautiful and peaceful, as well
as in harmony with animals and nature, which makes up an important
part of my paganistic theology.
POSTED 9/7/1999
D. Meerkat, Vancouver, NA, Canada, 27, Male, Pagan, White/Caucasian,
Bisexual, Mesg ID 93199941207
It's because they don't really understand or respect our beliefs,
so they think spirituality can be bought, sold and used up like
tampons or a used car. These people don't see that the money
completely corrupts what they claim they are trying to do, or they
just don't care. And going to someone selling a pretty, idealized
myth is also much easier than having to deal with the consequences of
living on land taken from another people. It allows them to erase the
ugliness in their own ancestors' past. Much of this does come from a
genuine spiritual hunger. It's just sad that many, like Carlos
Castaneda and Heheyosts Storm, have exploited this for their own
greed and ego. To any whites who want to learn about us, why don't
you try talking to us and not these snake oil salesmen? Come to a
powwow or read God Is Red, one of the best books out there on native
spirituality.
POSTED 9/7/1999
A.C.C., W Lafayette, IN, United States, <bigi__@yahoo.com> ,
Mexican and American Indian, Grad student, Over 4 Years of College,
Mesg ID 93199923723
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Question:
I grew up in Detroit and have had many friends of all races. One
thing I have noticed: African Americans seem to be very loud and
boisterous, even in everyday situations. My neighbors will shout
across the street instead of walking or calling. I have not noticed
this in other races. Are there any explanations?
POSTED 9/3/1999
Tracy P., Redford, MI, United States, <POP4443@aol.com> , 26,
Male, White/Caucasian, Mesg ID 93199963213
Responses:
Blacks are not louder. If you want to talk about loud, just be
around Asian people speaking in Chinese or Cantonese or Hindu,
Hispanics speaking Spanish, white women when things don't go their
way or white men when people don't look up to them . Blacks are not
naturally loud. Your group of friends are individuals. I am sure if
they are around their friends or around other people besides
yourself, they would be loud.
POSTED 9/7/1999
Unknown, Detroit, MI, United States, 24, Female, Atheist,
Black/African American, Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Upper
class, Mesg ID 931999114813
Wow! You've used really loaded (negative) words to describe the
African Americans you observed. It tells me that you have already
passed a certain type of judgment on their behavior. Could you be
comparing them to your own culture? Is your culture the only culture
that others should aspire to be like? These are just questions you
might think about when you observe people different from yourself and
the language (words) that you use to describe what you see. I like to
think that we are a passionate people, that we love life and like the
bigness in living life in a much fuller way than many other people. I
like to think that we are colorful people in our manner of style,
dress, dance, music and language. I like to think that these are the
things that we embrace rather than the labels of loud and boisterous.
In light of your question, I find it funny that America's dominant
culture is constantly embracing (co-opting) many aspects of the
African-American culture and practically claiming them as their own.
As a side note, you might want to hang around Jews, Italians, Latins
(just to name a few) and find them exhibiting the same "love of life"
behavior as African Americans.
POSTED 9/7/1999
Kim H., Minneapolis, MN, United States, <KCHines22@msn.com> ,
43, Female, Humanist, Black/African American, Actress, Playwright
& Director, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
95199940636
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