Best of the Week
of Sept. 15, 2002
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Sept. 15, 2002, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries
from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s database
using the search form, or, in the case of
answers posted before April 24, 1999, in the
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the database as
well). In the Original Archives, as well as in the database, you will
find questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer any questions
relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask any
provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily
meant to represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can
provide a window into the insights of an individual from that
group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop
at Y?'s guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
The book on Y? is
here!
"Why Do White People Smell
Like Wet Dogs
When They Come Out Of The Rain?"
Order it here!
Read the Associated Press story
on "Wet Dogs"
Question:
Why do Jehovah's Witnesses churches have no windows? I have
lived in five different states, and none of the churches I have seen
have them.
POSTED 9/18/2002
Jimmy, Edinburg, TX, United States, 32, Male, Catholic,
Student, 2 Years of College, Mesg ID 917200282217
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Question:
Why do you never see black pedophiles in the news?
POSTED 9/18/2002
Igor M., London, NA, United Kingdom, 18, Male, Christian, black
Portuguese, Straight, student, Mesg ID 918200263847
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Question:
I have a tongue piercing. In all other respects I look totally
'conventional.' I am curious as to what your reaction would be if you
saw it and me, and how it might affect your perception of me and
others with such a piercing.
POSTED 9/16/2002
Anne, London, NA, United Kingdom, 19, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, student, Middle class, Mesg ID 9152002110240
Responses:
If I saw you I would think
you liked to have oral sex. Isn't that what tongue piercings are
for?
POSTED 9/18/2002
Aaron, Palo Alto, CA,
United States, 31, Male, Christian, Black/African American, Straight,
Customer Service Rep., 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
918200291941
The only thing that
runs through my head is Ow! Doesn't that hurt? I grew up in the San
Francisco Bay Area, and it got to the point that if you DIDN'T have
multiple piercings and tattoos, people would look at you
oddly.
POSTED 9/18/2002
Doug, Phoenix, AZ,
United States, 39, Male, New Age/Metaphysical, White/Caucasian, Gay,
Administrator, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
9182002121814
If I were to see you
with a tongue piercing I wouldn't think anything of it because a
piercing is just a piercing and doesn't make a person nor define
them. I have seen young people with body piercings, but not too many
with tongue piercings. It's never changed my perception of them, and
I never judged them as troublesome or as lawbreakers, because that's
what they wanted and it has nothing to do with character. Employers
in general refuse to hire anyone with body piercings, which shouldn't
be an issue if it's in moderation. However, I wouldn't treat a person
badly because of their piercings. I haven't in the past. They're
trying to do their own thing, and it shouldn't be an issue.
POSTED 9/18/2002
Monique, Ft. Myers, FL,
United States, Female, Mesg ID 918200211239
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Question:
Do Muslims smoke cigarettes?
POSTED 9/16/2002
Abby, State College, PA, United States, Mesg ID
916200213844
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Question:
As a female who must
contend daily with cat calls, sexual remarks, ogles and being
followed, I was wondering if men ever experience these things. If
not, how do they feel when witnessing such incidents?
POSTED
8/6/2002
Jay, New York, NY,
United States, Female, Atheist, White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 86200263208
Responses:
I was groped by a girl once. It made me extremely uncomfortable
because she wasn't the most attractive, and she was very much bigger
than me!
POSTED 9/16/2002
Jon, Greenville, NC, United States, Male, Mesg ID 9162002102446
I have not been groped, but I have experienced a great deal of
unwanted attention. This has taken the form of semi-aggressive
stares, movements and badly veiled comments. Though this is not
sexual in origin (at least probably not by intent) and more to do
with social stigmatization, I have drawn some comfort from the notion
that I am experiencing something women have had to put up with since
time immemorial. The effect on my psyche has been quite devastating.
POSTED 9/18/2002
Ian, B/water, NA, United Kingdom, <yanmcd@hotmail.com>, 34,
Male, Christian, White/Caucasian, Straight, educator, Over 4 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 917200233022
I am considered a sexy/attractive male and get attention from
others all the time. The difference is women are much more subtle
about it. They can say so much more with a sustained look and smile
than a man who is making gutteral noises. Cat-calling and making
sounds is usually done to impress other males in the vicinity. The
male feels it shows his sexual prowess. I don't think it has a thing
to do with the woman involved. Being rude to someone is a put-down,
not a compliment.
POSTED 9/18/2002
Matthew, New York, NY, United States, 43, Male, Mesg ID
918200252342
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Question:
Why is it that someone can make fun of another person for being
gay or bisexual, but as soon as it becomes 'trendy,' they insist
they're more gay than you and are better?
POSTED 9/16/2002
Helly, London, NA, United Kingdom, 16, Female, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Student, High School Diploma, Lower middle
class, Mesg ID 913200245556
Responses:
I never heard of that. I
guess it depends on the part of the globe a person lives in. I
usually assume if a person is homophobic that they're still going to
hold their views regardless of whether it's the 21st century or
beyond. However, some people do make fun of or scorn homosexuals or
bisexuals because of their upbringing, and then there are some who
may have homosexual attractions but feel dirty or ashamed, so they
project those self-loathing feelings onto someone who may remind them
of a part of themselves they hate. I wouldn't say they're closeted
gays, but they may struggle with those desires and thus take it out
on someone who is gay as a form of denial. Not all homophobes are
secretly gay, lesbian or bisexual. I've never been around a homophobe
who admitted to being a trendy gay,so it's all new. The best way I
can explain this is conformity; some people, when they're around
homosexuals, become like those people, while others who are around
homophobic people day in and day out become like those people. So it
must be conformists who adapt according to the environment they're in
that you're talking about.
POSTED 9/18/2002
Monique, Ft. Myers, FL,
United States, Female, Mesg ID 918200213252
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Question:
I am 32 and have had four serious boyfriends in my life. I have
always imagined having a husband or male life-partner. I love men and
am sexually attracted to them, in a low-sex-drive kind of way.
However, 95 percent of my sexual fantasies involve women. I cannot
stop staring at women's breasts like a big old perverted guy. I am
completely turned on by nude women (and have been since childhood),
but the sight of a naked man (unless he's in my bed) doesn't do much
for me at all. This has been the case for several years, and it's
grown stronger as I've gotten older. I can't really see myself
becoming emotionally involved with a woman, but all I can think about
is having sex with one. Is this bisexuality, even though it's never
been acted upon and may never be? I'm curious as to what the 'line'
is that people see between heterosexuality and bisexuality - and when
that line is crossed. Does simple sexual attraction (not emotional)
define our sexuality?
POSTED 9/16/2002
Tris, Seattle, WA, United States, 32, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Program Manager, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 915200250539
Responses:
Whatever it means,
whatever you may or may not be, the most important thing is not to
worry about it. People have all kinds of fantasies and are turned on
by things that they wouldn't necessarily try. For example, I'm a
lesbian and enjoy watching gay male porno. I have no idea what kind
of category that puts me in, but I know I don't actually want to do
what I see in those movies. I just like to watch it. As far as
something being bisexuality when it's never even happened, consider
that heterosexuals know that they're straight long before they ever
have sex. People like to argue that gay people who've never had
straight sex can't really know that they're gay because they haven't
had a straight experience. Yet, no one expects heterosexuals to go
out and have gay sex to make sure that they're straight. So, yes, I
think you can be bisexual without the actual experience. If the
opportunity presents itself, you might want to try it with a woman.
The worst that could happen is that you'd find you didn't like it.
It's possible that you could be physically, but not emotionally,
attracted to women. That wouldn't be the wierdest thing in the world.
I bet you'd find quite a few women who'd agree that that describes
their husband to a tee!
POSTED 9/18/2002
Jean, Los Angeles, CA,
United States, 37, Female, Agnostic, White/Caucasian, Lesbian,
Computers, 4 Years of College, Upper class, Mesg ID
917200240259
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Question:
What is the proper etiquette when referring to someone who is
black or black and white? What is offensive? Is 'colored' considered
racist?
POSTED 9/16/2002
T. Sands, Denver, CO, United States, 32, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Sales, 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 915200294303
Responses:
I have a niece who is
biracial, and this is the word I have most commonly heard used to
describe her race. Her mother is white and her father was black. She
is also absolutely gorgeous. I am a very proud aunt. But back to your
question, I do not think 'colored' is a good choice, too old of a
word and for some, could be taken as negative. I usually refer to
African Americans as black, and I think that is commonly accepted as
appropriate and the equivalent to calling Caucasions white. When
asked what race my niece is, I reply that her father was black and
her mother is white. However, in general, I think biracial is the
appropriate term when speaking about children whose parents are from
different races.
POSTED 9/18/2002
Michelle, Kansas City,
MO, United States, <meesha29@hotmail.com>, 25, Female,
Agnostic, White/Caucasian, Straight, 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 916200291958
Colored is certainly
archaic, and because the term was in use during more 'offically'
racist times, it would be offensive. It also seems to imply that
'colored' isn't normal, as though one is somehow less of a human
because he or she is 'colored.'
POSTED 9/18/2002
Ridley S.,
Chambersburg, PA, United States, 22, Male, White/Caucasian, Mesg ID
9172002113603
Very simply, yes, it is
offensive.
POSTED 9/18/2002
Aaron, Palo Alto, CA,
United States, 31, Male, Christian, Black/African American, Straight,
Customer Service Rep, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
918200292850
It depends on what the
person prefers. Some people prefer African American, some prefer
black American. The rule applies for all nationalities. However, I
can tell you one thing: the term 'colored' is not acceptable, and you
should know that.
POSTED 9/18/2002
Marron B., Anniston,
AL, United States, 23, Female, Black/African American, Clerical, 4
Years of College, Lower class, Mesg ID 918200210835
The best term in my
opinion to refer to someone who is black is African American; it
doesn't sound so blunt, and doesn't emphasize race. For example, some
people may say 'That black woman over there is the president of this
company,' as oppose to 'The woman who is African American is the
company's president.' The latter sounds a lot better because it puts
emphasis on what she does, as opposed to her race. I am a black
American, so when someone outside my race refers to me in terms of
race, African American sounds better. To someone who is a mixture of
black and white, the best thing to say is that that person is of
African and Caucasian descent or heritage.
POSTED 9/18/2002
Monique, Ft. Myers, FL,
United States, Female, Mesg ID 918200220542
Is it possible to refer
to this person by name? If speaking of someone you know, I would
consider it proper etiquette to call that person by name. In what
context would you be speaking of a person that would call for using a
racial description? I can say that using 'colored' would date you, as
this term has not been used in 50 years. Some people of African
extraction prefer the term African American, but bear in mind that
not all African Americans are 'black' or brown-skinned. Then there
are people of African extraction, who are brown-hued and prefer to be
called black. And there are black people whose heritage is not
African. Then there are brown-skinned people who just want to be
called American. It gets kind of complicated, so probably the
simplest and most proper way would be to use a given name, unless, of
course, you know this person well enough to ask what they prefer to
be called.
POSTED 9/18/2002
Serene, Chandler, AZ,
United States, 43, Female, Black/African American, 2 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 918200254257
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Question:
Why do young men and women choose to decorate themselves,
particularly their faces, with multiple piercings and tattoos? If a
person is very attractive, why mar the natural beauty with holes and
ink? If a person is not as beautiful (according to society's
standards) why draw added attention to their face and at the same
time permanently mark it? Isn't any consideration given to the future
problems one encounters when it comes time to find good
employment?
POSTED 7/29/2002
Pattya, Springville, CA, United States, Mesg ID
6162002115256
Responses:
I received my first tattoo when I was 16. I had originally asked for
a tongue-piercing, but my mother said she would not sign for me to
get one. This angered me, but she said I could get a tattoo instead.
Why she said OK to a permanent mark still blows my mind. But I got a
tattoo, anyway. I guess when I was 16 I thought it would be really
cool to have one because none of my friends did. I did not do it to
fit in, because none of my friends had them, and if my friends did
have them I would not have to have a tattoo to be friends with them.
They are my friends not because I have piercings or tattoos. I
believe most people get tattoos for a number of reasons. Some do it
because they really enjoy the way they look. Others get them to see
the reactions of others who see them. Still others do it as a way of
self-expression. There are people out there who draw their own
tattoos. This lets the artist carry around a portfolio at all times,
because you never know who you are going to run in to. Others get
tattoos or piercings to set records. I recently talked to someone who
just got into the world records book for the most piercings on the
body. I believe it was around 290. This gives some people a sense of
great accomplishment. I know some individuals get works of art on
their bodies in order to make memories of those individuals who have
made an impact on their lives. I have nine piercings and two tattoos
and do not regret getting any of them.
POSTED 9/16/2002
Becca G., Grand Blanc, MI, United States, 21, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 915200260934
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Question:
What are the pros and cons of being a lawyer?
POSTED 9/10/2002
Ashley J., Kinston, AL, United States,
<platinum_princess53@hotmail.com>, 17, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, Less than High School Diploma,
Middle class, Mesg ID 4242002125549
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Question:
I'm an Italian American who grew up in New York City. My whole
life I've heard people use the derogatory term 'guinea' when speaking
about Italians. What is the origin of this word?
POSTED 9/12/2002
Ariane M., Ft. Myers, FL, United States,
<TropicalToots@aol.com>, 31, Female, Catholic, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Estetician, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
911200265033
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Question:
My fiance is Puerto Rican, and I've noticed how much importance
their culture's music and dancing is to him and his family. Is it
just his family, or is it the whole Puerto Rican culture?
POSTED 9/12/2002
Sara C., Davison, MI, United States, 22, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, 2 Years of College, Lower class,
Mesg ID 911200282130
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