Best of the Week
of Sept. 16, 2001
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Sept. 16, 2001, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s database using the search form, or, in
the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in the
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer any questions
relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask any
provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily
meant to represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can
provide a window into the insights of an individual from that
group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
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Question:
After a specific attack, does a terrorist recognize a victory?
What does a terrorist look for as an indication he/she/they have won?
Death? Short-term chaos? An unpopular return strike that diminishes
the responding country's reputation? Or, does it involve
confrontation between attacked groups? Perhaps between American
Caucasion citizens and American Arabs, for example?
POSTED 9/17/2001
Martin, Detroit, MI, United States, 28, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Scientist, Over 4 Years of College, Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 916200181535
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respond
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Question:
Why is it that black men have such hostility toward black
women? As an African-American woman, age 38, I have encountered this
very extreme hostility (or extreme coldness) from my African-American
brothers. It is displayed in many ways, from making disparaging
remarks about my body to sitting next to me on the subway or bus with
a leg pressed against mine. It is for this reason that I no longer
attempt to have friendships/relationships with African-American men.
This is especially important because I have a son, age 6. If black
men are openly hostile to me, how would they treat my son?
POSTED 3/21/2000
Rhonda O., New York, NY, United States,
<Rhonda_Outlaw@ars.aon.com>, 38, Female, Lutheran,
Black/African American, Straight, Account Representative, 2 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 321200034726
Responses:
I can't speak for all black men, but I think many of them feel
black women are (and have been since slavery) co-conspirators with
white men in a genocidal war waged on black men. Personally, I've
found that white women are more understanding of black men, maybe
because we share the same oppressor. Black women don't face the same
pressures and pitfalls that many black men face all of their lives.
White men aren't afraid of black women. And further, they have always
been sexually (if not romantically) attracted to them. Many office
environments today look like plantation big-houses of the antebellum
South, with a massa-manager and his harem of fawning young black
clerical types - and not a black male in site. So, if black men do
hate black women, it's because they clearly see in the words and
actions of black women that they hate black men.
POSTED 9/17/2001
Paul S., Oak Park, MI, United States,
<detroit4interracial@starmail.com>, 32, Male, Atheist,
Black/African American, Straight, software engineer, Over 4 Years of
College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 916200153032
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respond
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Question:
With regard to the recent terrorist attacks in New York and
Washington, it seems that while war is still quite unlikely, it is
much more possible than before. Perhaps it is time to review the
drafting policies in place. Can anyone tell me why we should only
continue to draft males? I find the male-only drafting policy quite
sexist. There are already plenty of effective females in the
military, and don't forget a few years back when females were
practically begging to be let into certain military academies (like
the Citadel).
POSTED 9/13/2001
Eric, Chicago, IL, United States, 19, Male, Independent,
Straight, Student, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 912200112614
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Question:
With the possibility of going to war becoming much more
plausible in light of the World Trade Center attack, perhaps it's
time the government reviews its policy on gays in the military. Right
now it's the whole 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy, and if you do tell
(or they somehow find out you're gay), you get thrown out. With the
possibility of war, the military might find it can no longer be so
picky. In the old days, to avoid the draft you needed to run away to
Canada. But with the current policies in place, all you have to do is
be gay? If that is true and I ever get drafted, I suppose I'll have
to pretend to be gay just to get out of it!
POSTED 9/13/2001
Eric, Chicago, IL, United States, 19, Male, Independent,
Straight, Student, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 912200112740
Responses:
Not the same issue but along similar lines, I once had a boss who
opined that gays were 'sick.' I asked him if I could take a few sick
days off work, as I was homosexual. As I recall, he didn't seem to
think it was that funny... Seriously, the 'Don't ask, Don't tell'
policy is a bit of a lame compromise and open to abuse in the way you
suggest. Of course, it's well known that men with homosexual
proclivities make terrible soldiers. Like Alexander the Great. Or
Lord Kitchener. In the Australian defense forces, there isn't any
legal prohibition any more, and once the prohibition was dropped, the
issue just died - the culture hasn't changed overnight, and there's
inevitably victimization, but not, I think, on a great scale. It also
made me feel a bit more comfortable about the idea of volunteering
when it seemed that Australia might go to war with Indonesia over the
East Timor issue.
POSTED 9/17/2001
Ben S., London, NA, United Kingdom, <bscaro@yahoo.com>, 33,
Male, Rosicrucian, White/Caucasian, Gay, traveler, 4 Years of
College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 917200185013
If that's your attitude about serving your country in time of war,
you don't deserve to be here in the first place. I work for the
Department of Defense, and although I'm not fighting on the 'front
lines,' I'm risking my life every day I walk into my building,
especially now when these kinds of buildings are nothing more than
targets to terrorists. Thank God we have plenty of MEN willing to
fight for us.
POSTED 9/17/2001
Danielle, Southern, NJ, United States, 26, Female,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Computer Scientist, Over 4 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 915200124600
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Question:
Why do Western people, children and adults alike, show such
little respect for their parents? Don't some appreciate the time and
effort their parents have given them? I see children and teenagers
publicly yelling and swearing at their parents, and calling them
stupid in front of their peers. As for the adults, some consider
their parents a burden they must be rid of, removed from the family
home or put in a nursing home. Where is the thank-you for the nine
months of labor, and the dedication and commitment in raising someone
from a baby to a walking, talking, thinking adult?
POSTED 9/17/2001
Kate D., Melbourne, NA, Australia, 22, Female, Catholic, Asian,
Straight, nursing student, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
9162001105610
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Question:
My neighbor from Syria is likely to lose his father very soon.
The family are Muslims. Can someone give me some do's or don'ts as
far as expressing sympathy and supporting the family in the event of
the death of a loved one?
POSTED 9/17/2001
Tom B., High Point, NC, United States, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 916200144739
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respond
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Question:
I am going to start work in an office next week. Most of the
women in the office are extremely overweight and wear dresses that
are very old-fashioned and are these neon colors. I'm by no means a
model, but I have a nice figure and like to look my best and feel
good about how I look. How do I dress businesslike and feel good
without feeling like I'm upstaging these other women? I don't want to
be labeled 'the skinny girl in the office,' but I don't want to hide
behind a tent dress just to fit in.
POSTED 9/5/2001
Missy, Somewhere, PA, United States, 34, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
95200115047
Responses:
Why not just wear what is businesslike and appropriate and looks
good on you. Let the overweight women do their thing. If they're
catty at all, you're going to be the 'skinny girl' to them no matter
how you dress. If you wear a big muumuu to look like them, they might
think you're making fun of them. Would you lisp when speaking to
someone who lisps just so they wouldn't think of you as the 'person
who doesn't lisp'?
POSTED 9/10/2001
Stephanie V., na, Canada, 23, Female, White/Caucasian, Straight,
Website developer, 4 Years of College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID
98200195505
I think you should wear what makes you feel comfortable while
maintaining a professional office look. If the other women in your
offfice are upset, that is something they will have to work out.
POSTED 9/10/2001
Jon, Windsor, Ontario, NA, Canada, Male, Mesg ID 99200153759
I think you either A) have an insecurity about your looks,
possibly because you were teased about them in the past, or B) feel
your looks are your only asset, so you are preoccupied with them.
Honestly, most women, whether supermodels or not, don't automatically
hate another women because she is 'prettier' than they are. I admit
that some people do, but usually this is because they have their own
issues. People who have a life, which includes most people, have more
important things to worry about, and if the new pretty girl in the
office has a nice personality, they will eat with her at lunch. So
dress as you wish.
POSTED 9/13/2001
Joan, Baltimore, MD, United States, 36, Female, Mesg ID
912200144353
When I started out, I was told by a woman I highly regarded,
'Dress for the position to which you aspire.' Although I made
probably a fifth what she made, I understood her logic. I bought
high-quality items and didn't worry about quantity. You should dress
as appropriate to your position in the company, your body type and
your age. You didn't indicate whether your office is conservative or
trendy, so judge your selections based on that knowledge. You might
want to speak with your immediate supervisor regarding dress codes or
expectations. Don't worry about the way others dress. If your are
neat and businesslike, you will stand out not as the skinny girl but
as the professional-appearing employee.
POSTED 9/17/2001
Kathy, Springfield, IL, United States, 49, Female,
White/Caucasian, Medical, Over 4 Years of College, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 9152001123518
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Question:
Many older people (i.e. those who reached adulthood in the
first half of the 20th century or soon thereafter) seem to have an
unexplained, free-floating bitterness, anger and in general sour
disposition. I have to wonder: How much of this is due to repressed
childhood and young-adult sexual trauma? After all, in that era,
these things were not spoken of in public, and this generation was
trained practically to worship its elders, so that a 'molester
uncle,' for instance, could get by with pretty much anything and the
child would not have been believed, anyway. Likewise, those with
homosexual attractions simply went ahead, got married and essentially
lived a lie. There seem to be so many irritable, grouchy people among
this generation, and I can't believe it's all due to old age and
illness. They seem to be acting out something they can't go back and
erase.
POSTED 9/5/2001
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 40, Male,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 95200141608
Responses:
I find it interesting that you picked two topics of a sexual
nature to explain crankiness in older people. I suppose there might
be some truth to what you say, but people are different and as such
might have myriad reasons for why they are irritable. For instance:
severe personal set-backs, loss of important loved ones, a general
feeling that life has not been easy, the perception that life has
passed them by. The reasons for their attitude will be as different
as the people you notice. What I have found is that cranky at birth,
cranky in old age; happy in youth, happy in old age. The human
personality is a complex structure yet has general traits that last
throughout its existence. Try to soothe cranky old people; it is
filled with good karma. And who among us doesn't need that?
POSTED 9/7/2001
Matthew, New York, NY, United States, 43, Male, Mesg ID
97200151542
I think some people in this age group are simply viewing the world
through a prejudice-laden paradigm that was instilled in them. They
have been inculturated with racism, sexism, 'white is right' and many
other 'hates.' They see the world and know that 'the world as they
know it' is dying. Can you imagine the fear they have when they view
all the multiculturalism that exists today? They see this as a
Doomsday-type phenomena. They are 'shocked and shaken' at what we now
accept in sociey. I don't believe it has anything to do with sexual
repression. After all, these people did create the number of children
associated with 'baby boomers'. I agree this anger is not just a
manifestation of age-related problems. I would like to think that
some of these people are upset by their own reality of exposure to
truth. Hate is a common response to something you don't want to
accept. It would also be hard to admit that your way of doing or
thinking was wrong. It is again common to simply 'get mad' over it.
College has taught me there is a 'white' reality that has nothing to
do with the truth. I am sure you have had exposure to the truth as
well. These people are just seeing the results without benefit of
knowledge concerning multicultural people. My dad was 76 when he
died, and he died with the idea that whites were superior
biologically to blacks. It was his culture, and he was mad all the
way to the grave about any arguments about it.
POSTED 9/13/2001
Rhonda, Connersville, IN, United States, 41, Female, Baptist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Social Worker, 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 98200195815
I know, I know, don't ever mention it ... but I really do think
the reason for the bitterness of this generation that I, too, have
noticed, may also be found in the fact that they spent their
childhood during World War II. From my mother I know that even this
year she spent a night sleepless on our holidays in the Middle East,
because the planes flying overhead at 2 a.m. had the same engines as
those German bombers she remembers when she was 4. She was drenched
in the morning. Add to this experiences of famine, death, rape, loss
of home, suddenly missing adults or getting lost themselves, and you
have a generation of children in Europe that grew up traumatized. In
the United States I think the situation is only slightly comparable,
because though families worried about older brothers/ fathers dead
overseas, the immediate trauma, the closeness of war, wasn't so
great. Then again, the Cold War paranoia (building shelters in the
back yard, etc.) was greater. Still, I was pleased to find the
majority of 'oldies' in the United States comparably cheerful, kind
and open when I went overseas.
POSTED 9/18/2001
T., Munich, NA, Germany, 32, Female, Atheist, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 9102001123445
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