Best of the Week
of Sept. 17, 2000
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Sept. 17, 2000, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
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Question:
If a man has married and even fathered children, and then discovers
(or admits) he is attracted to men, why does he then call himself gay
rather than bisexual? If he was able to be aroused by his wife at
some point, why does he suddenly go exclusively the other way? Do
people have an aversion to classifying themselves as bisexual?
POSTED 9/21/2000
Andrea K., Farmington, ME, United States, 40, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, teacher/musician, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
9500113403
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Question:
Why are some people against dogs in public places, such as public
transportation, restaurants, stores, hotels, etc.?
POSTED 9/19/2000
Lee H., Sacramento, CA, United States, 55, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, artist, 2 Years of College, Upper class,
Mesg ID 9192000125052
Responses:
I am a bona fide dog lover. We had dogs (Boxers or German
Shepherds) the entire time I was growing up. As an adult, I've owned
nothing but Boxers, and I truly love and adore them. However, they
are animals, and there are some things I do not allow my dogs to do.
Licking my face, sleeping in my bed and eating with me are just a few
of them. There are also certain places where I do not believe animals
belong. I wouldn't want to eat in a restaurant where dogs were
allowed because of their flying hair, their habit of licking
themselves whenever and wherever they choose and other things. Also,
many people have allergic reactions to animals or have a legitimate
fear of them. These people should be able to enjoy a meal in public
without being subject to an attack (whether it be allergic or
physical) because of a dog. I don't have a problem with dogs in
hotels as long as they are not permitted to roam freely. The only
animal I think should be allowed on public transportation is a
seeing-eye dog. As a dog lover, I have to keep in mind that not
everyone shares my devotion.
POSTED 9/19/2000
Elaine, Newport News, VA, United States, 52, Female, Black/African
American, Human Resources Rep, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg
ID 9192000101046
Some dogs are well-mannered, especially when they have nice owners
who train them well. Other dogs jump all over strangers, slobber on
them and sometimes even growl at or bite them. This is an invasion of
space. I would never do that. I might jump on company's lap if they
are nice to me, and I often rub against people's legs, but I don't
make a pest out of myself.
POSTED 9/19/2000
Shadow, Minneapolis, MN, United States, 12, Female, Grey furry
Feline-American, Mesg ID 9192000101634
I don't like dogs - the smell, the slobber, the fur. I wouldn't
want to stay in a hotel room that smelled of dogs or eat in a
restaurant where a dog could pop up and lick my hand or sniff at my
plate or pee at my feet. Not all dogs are well-behaved, and accidents
happen - I just wouldn't want to put up with the potential hassle. I
wish I could say I'm an animal-lover, but I'm not.
POSTED 9/21/2000
S.R., Austin, TX, United States, 22, Female, Humanist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
919200050332
1) some people are allergic, and it's extremely uncomfortable to
be in close quarters with an animal.
2) In restaurants and hotels, for some people it seems unsanitary to
have animals around where food is being served. It's particularly
unpleasant to watch people who share food with their pets on
restaurant dishes, or to find animal hair on tables.
3) Some animals can and do get out of control in public places. Most
people who bring their animals out in public have them well-trained,
but there are exceptions.
POSTED 9/21/2000
Elaine, Los Angeles, CA, United States, Male, Mesg ID
919200094527
Because they want to be left alone and don't want dogs coming up
to them, smelling them, licking them, barking at them, jumping on
them, dirtying their clothes, scaring their children, etc. Not to
mention that some dogs bite. Also, some people just don't like dogs,
and others are actually afraid of them.
POSTED 9/21/2000
C.P., Montreal, Quebec, NA, Canada, 22, Female, Mesg ID
9202000123646
I love dogs, but there are people who are allergic to dogs or are
very afraid of them. Remember, although some people treat their dogs
like children, they are just animals. Some dogs are not good with
strangers and may bite. Not all dogs bite, but how are people to know
the difference? And my pet peeves against dog owners: Don't walk your
dogs on my lawn, and don't leave your dog outside all night where
their barking keeps me up.
POSTED 9/21/2000
Laura, Baltimore, MD, United States, 24, Female, White/Caucasian,
student, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
920200052231
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Question:
Why do TV news programs use Asian women as reporters and anchors, but
not Asian men? And why do magazine photo ads with a racially diverse
group use an Asian woman instead of an Asian man?
POSTED 9/19/2000
Larry T., Portland, OR, United States, 38, Male, Teacher, Mesg ID
917200031129
Responses:
I don't know why there are so few Asian men represented in the
media, but it's a shame. Usually, the only ones you see are martial
artists. One nice exception to this is Curtis, a 29-year-old
Asian-American lawyer who is on Big Brother. He's intelligent, funny,
sexy and might actually win!
POSTED 9/19/2000
Rhiannon, Eden Prairie, MN, United States, <hyena@visi.com>,
30, Female, Jewish, White/Caucasian, Straight, Middle class,Mesg ID
9192000103220
What you observe is not practiced outside the United States. CNBC
Asia - an English-language program for Asia and Australia - uses both
men and women of all races. The United States seems to be very
backward compared to Europe, Asia or Australia, preferring men to
women as TV authority figures; and I assume network figures worry
about Asian men, by virtue of their gender, being seen to be in
authority. Presumably they feel Asian women, of the subsidiary
gender, carry little threat to the audience.
POSTED 9/21/2000
Kent, Melbourne, NA, Australia, 57, Male, Episcopalian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Consultant, Over 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 920200013914
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Question:
While reading today, I came across a reference to black people and
watermelon (apparently there is a joke or myth that they eat it all
the time). I've heard about this several times over the years but
don't know its origin. How in the world did this joke/myth come to
be? Why watermelon?
POSTED 9/18/2000
S.R., Austin, TX, United States, 22, Female, Humanist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
9142000102224
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Question:
Is it true that there are more gay men than lesbians? If so, why? (I
live in an area where the numbers seem about equal, but then again,
lots of gay people move to the San Francisco Bay area.)
POSTED 9/21/2000
Crystal, Oakland, CA, United States, Female, Pagan, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Office Manager, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
824200044205
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Question:
This mainly goes out to people who have been in long distance
relationships: It's been more than a year since I've last seen my
ex-girlfriend. We both went different ways after high school, and our
relationship ended nine months later. I have tried moving on, even
though we're just friends. I finaly wrote her a letter saying it was
a good time for me to say goodbye, and I haven't heard from her or
written her since. But ... how long does it take for the emptiness to
vanish?
POSTED 9/18/2000
Josh B., Fresno, CA, United States, 18, Male, Agnostic, Asian,
Straight, Full Time Student, 2 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg
ID 9172000110816
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Question:
Maybe this question has more to do with my own self-confidence or
lack thereof, but how does a man meet women who respect themselves?
How does one approach a woman in a way that is respectful to them,
but still indicates that one might desire to know them better?
Furthermore, where does one go to meet such women?
POSTED 9/18/2000
Stumped, Rochester, NY, United States, 31, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, White-collar wage slave, 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 917200012727
Responses:
Wow! I like your questions. Thank goodness; there is hope after
all. I have never met men who are interested in women with
values/morals. You can meet 'those' types of women almost anywhere:
happy-hour, through friends, libraries, movies, church ... and the
list goes on. You just have to approach them in a manner that does
not insinuate sex or being raunchy. There are lots of women out there
who are interested in knowing the inner person; and most women would
prefer a friendship/solid relationship to a casual, sex-oriented
relationship. Just keep looking for your Ms. Right; you will find
her.
POSTED 9/19/2000
Grace, Miami, FL, United States, 23, Female, Black/African American,
student, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 919200023303
I think the problem here is that we still lack a meeting place
better than bars, which are a terrible place to meet the kind of
women you're talking about (same problem with meeting men, I assure
you). As a woman, I have trouble meeting self-respecting, 'together'
women with whom I can have a friendship. Some people say that church
is a good place for meeting, but I see you're atheist, and basically,
so am I, so church isn't the answer for us. As for approaching women:
Don't you need to find one first? Or do you just like to always be
prepared? Hmmm, didn't answer your question, but at least I know that
there are other people (at least one) who are in a quandary over
where to find the land of perfect mate.
POSTED 9/21/2000
Leslie H., Cliffside Park, NJ, United States, 32, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
9202000125721
First, high praises to you for asking a question that does not
objectify women as sex objects. How you think of women and treat them
is very important. Respectful women want to be friends with men and
discuss important, non-sex-related issues. Respectful women want to
be treated with respect and not gawked at, groped or grabbed. Sex is
important in a relationship, but you shouldn't bring it up too soon
because respectful women will think you are just after sex.
Respectful women don't wear slutty clothes and are often educated and
independent. Bookstores, coffee houses, college classes, libraries
and political events are a good place to start. Upper-scale bars are
probably OK if you don't make a bee line for the girl with the
shortest skirt and biggest boobs.
POSTED 9/21/2000
Nancy, Atlanta, GA, United States, 32, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, sales, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 920200013653
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Question:
Is there a difference between races in the rate at which
medications/drugs take effect in the body - and the extent of the
effects? That is, are there differences in pharmacological
metabolism?
POSTED 9/18/2000
Humberto G., Mexico City, n/, United States, 49, Male, Catholic,
Hispanic/Latino, director, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class,
Mesg ID 918200062350
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Question:
This question is particularly for Vermonters or other New Englanders:
Based on its recent and colonial history, Vermont seems to have a
much greater respect for common decency, civil liberties and basic
equality than any other state. Vermont was the first state to abolish
slavery (in 1777 before it was even admitted as the 14th state) and
the first to grant legal equality to same-sex and different-sex
marriages (civil unions law went into effect July 2000).
Notwithstanding the recent surge in bigotry by anti-marriage groups,
Vermont is years ahead of most of the rest of the country. Can anyone
explain A) what is so special about Vermont, and B) how the rest of
the country can learn these values? How can a largely rural state
with virtually no racial minorities (no major racial or ethnic
minority makes up even 1 percent of the state's population) be so
advanced?
POSTED 9/14/2000
Frank, Washington, DC, United States, 24, Male, Methodist, white
Southerner, Gay, statistician, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 914200020235
Responses:
You might want to consider some things that conflict with your
idyllic image. Vermont also had a racist policy of sterilizing as
many American Indian men and women as they could get their hands on,
and completely AGAINST the will of the natives. This lasted for more
than 50 years, until the early 1970s. More recently, some people in
the state government are pushing for the use of forcible genetic
testing to deny natives their legal status as citizens of tribal
nations. I'd say that lack of a large no-white population is the key
to understanding the mentality of much of that state's people. It's
more of an attitude of 'We can be generous toward anyone who's not
our kind. But we don't want TOO many of them here.' That's actually
slightly better than many places in this country, but still hardly
something we should be encouraging.
POSTED 9/18/2000
A.C.C., W. Lafayette, IN, United States, Male, Mexican and American
Indian, Grad student, history, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
916200085727
While not from Vermont, I have studied this topic before. Carving
out a living in 'frontier' states did not leave room for bigotry, and
in addition, anyone who survived proved themself worthy of respect. I
believe this theory is confirmed by the state of Wisconsin, another
frontier state, that was the first to grant the vote to women, even
when it was a territory. Numerous frontier states support similar
stories, with the exception of Alska, but I believe that is due to
the fact Alaska was not considered a place to settle, but as resource
to be exploited.
POSTED 9/18/2000
Alex, Elkins Park, PA, United States, Male, Mesg ID 9152000104646
Vermont has a history of populism in the true sense, not the right
wing kind. I don't know why this is true, but there are real
differences between Vermont and Maine and New Hampshire. Around the
turn of the last century, Emma Goldman went to the Barre Granite
Quarry and addressed the granite workers; Norman Thomas also showed
up in Vermont a number of times. I think that some of the
progressiveness is due to independence and the live-and-let-live
philosophy of northern New England. Lately, though, the progressive
politics are at least partially due to an influx of out-of-staters,
and this as much as anything is at the core of the reaction against
civil marriage.
POSTED 9/18/2000
Naomi, Standish, ME, United States, <nomad@watchic.net>, 45,
Female, Agnostic, White/Caucasian, Lesbian, Organizer, 2 Years of
College , Lower class, Mesg ID 917200020249
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Question:
To girls/women who wear short skirts or revealing dresses: Why do you
do this? To attract men's interest? As a natural way to feel good
about yourself? Because you enjoy arousing men? Because you believe
it's your duty to please men? Also, if a man pretends not to notice,
are you hurt?
POSTED 9/13/2000
Philip, Kuala Lumpur, NA, Malaysia, Male, Asian, Straight, Mesg ID
912200015405
Responses:
I've been wearing skirts and tank tops lately because they are
cooler and much more comfortable than heavy jeans and sleeved shirts.
(It's hot here in south Texas.) I've noticed that I tend to feel
better about myself when I look more feminine, and yes, sometimes I
enjoy getting looks from men (not arousing them, just being noticed).
At other times I'd rather not be noticed at all and am happy to wear
plain, unrevealing clothing. There is no great ulterior motive to
wearing these clothes; it just feels better. When a man 'pretends'
not to notice (or doesn't notice, period), it seems to be a gesture
of respect. If he does, it's kind of flattering and funny (as long as
he's not being disgustingly overt).
POSTED 9/18/2000
S.R., Austin, TX, United States, 22, Female, Humanist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
9142000100949
Maybe it's just hot. Sometimes I wear a short skirt. Sometimes I
don't. Sometimes I do this with the idea of attracting male attention
- maybe I'm going to a party, or on a date, or out with friends.
Sometimes I do it just for comfort. You seem to have an implicit idea
that a woman's body is nothing more and nothing less than a sexual
object, and that to wear a short skirt is an automatic sexual
invitation, while covering up is the only way to avoid having men see
one that way. Do you think if a man wears tight pants it's because he
believes it's his duty to please women?
POSTED 9/14/2000
Colleen, New York, NY, United States, 21, Female, Mesg ID
913200030228
You may as well ask 'Why do men wear shorts and singlets - or even
no shirt at all?' I wear short skirts because I live in a very warm
place and it is too hot to wear much else {although I try to wear
long-sleeved shirts to prevent sunburn}. Trust me, there are very few
women around who wear revealing stuff just for guys. We aren't here
just for your visual pleasure, you know.
POSTED 9/21/2000
Netta, Armidale, NA, Australia, 18, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, High School Diploma , Middle
class, Mesg ID 9192000111421
I think Philip is asking about something more than a skirt above
the knees or a tank top. Hopefully he means skirts that come right
below women's butt cheeks and shirts that allow someone to guess a
woman's bra size without much difficulty. I also think he's asking
why some women put their bodies out there as objects. As I walk down
a street and see the lack of length in skirts, the tightness of tops
and bottoms, and the revealing necklines, I can't help but think the
same questions that he's asking, and I'm a woman.
POSTED 9/21/2000
Stacey, Boston, MA, United States, <stimply@bigfoot.com>, 28,
Female, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 9192000112459
I wear revealing clothes because I'm young and have a nice figure.
I want to enjoy being this way. Age will take my nice figure and
looks away eventually. If you got, it flaunt it, right? I do it also
because I like to get some attention. I like it when guys look at me
in a non-threatening, non-obtrusive manner. I like to know that men
find me attractive. I also feel good about dressing myself up. I do
it for me. If a man gets aroused, then that's on him. I feel good
about myself all the time, whether or not I'm wearing revealing
clothes. I just have the confidence in myself to dare to be bare.
POSTED 9/21/2000
Dorothy, Porterville, CA, United States, Female, Mesg ID
920200020342
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Question:
What do men think of women with full, 'pouty' lips? I inherited this
and as an adolescent was teased and questioned about my ethnicity,
but now guys tell me it's attractive. Do men think this is a flaw or
strength?
POSTED 2/9/1999
Julie H., N/A, MO, United States, 19, Female, Mesg ID 299914229
Responses:
I think it's a matter of taste. I usually don't even notice
unless the lips are unusual in some way. I do find lipstick beyond
the natural lip borders unattractive. The star of the new show 'Dark
Angel' has unusually full lips, and I find her face intriguing. You
were probably teased about your lips because that was what the others
noticed; they'd have just as readily teased you about something
else.
POSTED 9/18/2000
Jerry S., New Britain, CT, United States, 52, Male, Jewish,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Upper middle class, Mesg ID
913200045803
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