Best of the Week
of Sept. 20, 1998
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges either begun or
advanced during the week of Sept. 20, 1998, as selected by Y?
These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from previous
weeks, also can be found in their respective
archives, which we invite you to browse.
There, you will find questions that have received answers, as well as
questions still awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any
questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask
any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
THE QUESTION:
A30: How come it seems as though
teenagers are afraid to take part in the care of AIDS patients?
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
Shannon, 18, Southampton, NY
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THE QUESTION:
GE68: When I start a new
relationship, am I dreaming or is it possible to hold off on sex for
at least six months until the two of us have had a chance to get to
know each other? The last few men I've met make it clear they don't
want to wait. Does my age have anything to do with it?
POSTED SEPT. 4, 1998
L.B., 33, black female, Detroit, MI
ANSWER 1:
Although I found it very
frustrating, my girlfriend and I did wait before having sex for about
six months after meeting one another. The sex itself was very
satisfying, I think, because the emotional content was higher and we
meant more to one another than would have been the case if we had
"given in" earlier. It has also made us more trusting of one another,
as we have demonstrated our committment to one another. I think we
have proven to each other that we are serious about our relationship.
I also find it very reassurring that I don't have to worry about her
cheating, and that feeling is more satisfying than any sex could be
by itself. So yes, there are men like us out there, and if he
believies you are worth it (or is telling you so) he can wait. For
me, it was more than worth it.
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
M.M. 44, white male, Manteca, CA
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THE QUESTION:
R411: Is it true that some
African Americans believe that allowing a baby to see its image in a
mirror might bring bad luck? If so, why, and what is the origin of
this belief?
POSTED AUG. 10, 1998
FloT <umzamo@ij.net>, Tampa, FL
ANSWER 1:
Your question made me smile.
As a new mother almost 19 years ago, my mother-in-law became highly
upset with me when I allowed my baby to look in a mirror. She claimed
my daughter would be toothless for life. As a young, white new mom, I
looked to this 70-plus, black woman for her reasoning. Having been
raised in the deep South, she explained that this was absolutely
true, as were many other beliefs, such as that looking at a snake
when you are pregnant will give your baby snake skin. (And she swore
she had seen a baby with snake skin). My blessed mother-in-law told
me many stories and superstitions throughout the years, all of which
I listened to intently as a learning of her heritage. Many of these
were based in the church (she was a Pentecostal minister), many from
old voodoo. Regardless, they were fact to her. I cherish these
memories as a part of my daughter's rich African-American background.
By the way, my daughter does have teeth.
POSTED SEPT. 2, 1998
Kathy T. <kdm05@bellsouth.net>, Jacksonville, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
The same belief is prevalent
in India and Pakistan. The babies are not allowed to see themselves
in a mirror until they are about 16 to 18 months old. It is
considered bad luck, and also it is supposed to stunt the growth. I
was also told by a friend that some babies get frightened looking at
themselves in the mirror. Another reason might be that since babies
are still learning to judge the shape, color, dimensions and distance
factors associated with surrounding objects, a mirror reflection
might give a distorted orientation and confuse the infant in some
way.
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
Brian C., Dubai, United Arab Emirates
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THE QUESTION:
GE76: Why are married men (not
all, of course) with attractive/sexual wives choosing cyber-porn and
sexual chat rooms over intimate sexual relationships with their
wives? I'm struggling with this at home. Responses, please!
POSTED SEPT. 23, 1998
Married 15 years, white female, San Antonio, TX
ANSWER 1:
Just because a man is married
doesn't automatically mean all of his sexual desires are, or should
be, filled by his mate. I have been married 12 years and find the
occasional access to porn on the web an interesting and stimulating
experience. I would never allow myself to be seen renting porn flicks
or buying pornography, if only to prevent having it around a house
full of children. Many of the things I have seen I would never want
my wife to do nor would I want to participate in such things. I love
and respect my wife more than anyone else I have ever known and I
would lose all interest in her if she were to lower herself to do the
sick things many others seem proud enough to post for all to see.
However, as sick and degrading as much of it is, I do find it
stimulating. I have found that the visual stimulation enhances our
lovemaking experience for me by increasing my level of mental
stimulation prior to sex, resulting in a more intense climax. As long
as it doesn't become a dangerous preoccupation, I see web porn as
harmless, mental mastUrbation.
POSTED SEPT. 24, 1998
S.W., 35, white male, Pontiac, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
Is he choosing cyber-porn
over real life interaction, or is he using it in addition? That's not
the same thing. Maybe he's just looking for a way to spice things up
(passion tends to fade over time, they say). If he's ignoring or
neglecting you, then you have a problem and need to tell him how
you're feeling. If he's just using it as a fantasy supplement, maybe
you can sit back and reap the benefits. This is no different from the
stereoptypical man in the '70s with a subscription to Playboy. Sure
the tools are slightly more sophisticated, but porn is still porn
POSTED SEPT. 24, 1998
S.S., unlicensed sex therapist <senorsex1@yahoo.com>
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I've heard of using the sex
sites as arousal tools, but in these instances the arousal usually
manifests itself in the bedroom. Those who make the exclusive choice
you describe are finding something on the net they are not finding at
home. You sound willing and interested, which implies a communication
break between you and your husband. As painful, difficult and
embarassing as it may be, in your position I'd start looking for a
marriage counselor. Good luck.
POSTED SEPT. 24, 1998
Al, 59, male <alarose@ncwc.edu>, Rocky Mount, NC
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THE QUESTION:
R340: What is the origin to the
stereotype that Hispanics are lazy?
POSTED JUNE 16, 1998
Alex S., 23, Richmond, VA
ANSWER 1:
It's funny, because I have
heard the reverse: That white people are lazy. I guess it depends on
the person. I am Mexican, and all the Hispanic people I know are very
hard-working. All of them have at least one job. I have a neighbor
who is white, and in the year he's lived next door, he has changed
jobs at least five times, and every time he does, he tries to get
workers' comp. So maybe it depends on the person and the financial
need they have to keep a job.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Aztlan, 21, Mexican female <aestra@chmc.org>, Bothell, WA
FURTHER NOTICE:
Perhaps, if it exists, it
stems from the siesta, which is more predominant in Hispanic culture
vs. others. Even though business hours are extended later into the
evening to accommodate this time of rest, the knowledge of these
extended hours may not be as well known as the siesta itself by other
cultures.
POSTED AUG. 9, 1998
Phil C. , 45, white male, Walnut Creek , CA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
When I was in college, I
worked at a convenience store with a young man who was the son of the
Military Attache from a South American country. We were the same age,
and from the same type of middle-class economic background. I asked
him what he found to be the biggest "culture shock" between his
Hispanic culture and his life in the United States. I'll never forget
his response. He grabbed my arm and pointed to my watch: "You
Americans are slaves to your clocks. They tell you when to eat, when
to sleep and when to start work, and when to stop. This makes no
sense to me. In my country, you eat when you are hungry, you sleep
when you are tired, you start working when there is a job to do and
stop working when the job is completed. This makes more sense to me
than stopping because a clock says it is time for lunch, or not
eating because the clock says it is time to work."
He was right. Our culture is very
closely tied to our concept of time. I have since noticed that the
cultures that do not submit themselves to the almighty timeclock are
the ones that get stereotyped as "lazy" by those who do. Is it any
wonder that our clock-crazy culture has a bigger problem with
depression and neurosis than those "lazy" ones do?
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
Greg, 36, WASP, Newport, RI
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THE QUESTION:
R339: It seems to me that when
stresses in the black community reach a certain level, one reaction
is to riot, loot and burn the very community in which they live. Why
is this? I cannot recall a riot in the white community equal in scope
and damage to the L.A. riots, the Watts riots or the riots in
Detroit.
POSTED JUNE 16, 1998
Ray B., 40, white male, U.S. Navy (retired) <raynfran@bellsouth.net>
Summerville, S.C.
ANSWER 1:
A very wise man I know said
that "white people do their rioting at the ballot box." (And sure
enough, not long after that, they voted out affirmative action
programs in California.) That made me realize that feeling empowered
in a society makes someone believe they have options for changing
things they don't like. But when a group of people feel powerless and
oppressed and think they have nothing to lose, they can resort to
irrational behaviors such as violence. As far as riots happening in
the community where someone lives: Every person of color knows that
the price is higher for committing a crime in white neighborhoods
than in non-white neighborhoods. Secondly, usually when violence
erupts, it's spontaneous; driving across town to another neighborhood
is not spontaneous.
POSTED JULY 26, 1998
Sara, black female, Oakland, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
In the communities you
mention, the simplest reason people riot and loot is that they don't
own any of the establishments they are burning and destroying. It was
true in D.C., Detroit and L.A. Part of the reason tensions build so
high is that people feel they pour their money into these
establishments and that they are the primary, if not only customers,
and still they are treated unfairly. If you'll recall, during the '93
riots in L.A., much was made about the fact that a number of
black-owned establishments were spared. That's why.
POSTED SEPT. 23, 1998
Greg, 20 black/white male <december@brigadoon.com>, Olney, MD
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
About three or four years
ago, when the Vancouver Canucks won the hockey championships (I am
not a sports person, so I apologize for being vague), there was a
major mass riot and looting in downtown Vancouver, and there were
very few black people present. It was mostly white people acting like
idiots and destroying their own town.
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
D. Meerkat, 26, white male <lnx@netcom.com>, Vancouver, B.C., Canada
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THE QUESTION:
D26: I am a "normal"-looking
person who has a life-threatening, debilitating, painful illness. I
often use my handicapped parking decal. Since I look so normal and
healthy, people are very mean to me when they see me use the special
parking spot. Why?
POSTED SEPT. 23, 1998
Kathy C., Newport News , VA
ANSWER 1:
As strange as it may sound,
you should be grateful to those people. They're trying to make sure
you aren't a robust, healthy person abusing the parking spaces that
have specifically been set aside for those who need them. I realize
you said you have a valid medical reason for using handicapped
parking, but surely you don't expect everyone who sees you use the
spot to stop you and ask for a medical explanation of why you had a
handicapped parking permit.
POSTED SEPT. 24, 1998
J. Storm, Salem, OR
FURTHER NOTICE:
I too am seemingly too young
at 47 to need a handicapped parking place, but have had three leg
surgeries and braces on my legs. People used to give me dirty looks
when I pulled into the handicapped parking places till I took out my
handicapped placard. You can't depend on people to understand because
you can be very disabled and not appear to be so. I ignore these
people, and if they're bold enough to comment on it, I simply explain
to their satisfaction. We see many healthy people park in handicapped
parking, and I can't even find an empty one. It makes my angry and
hurt that people are so selfish and inconsiderate of those of us who
need them. As long as you display your handicapped placard, hold you
chin up don't be ashamed; there are many of us.
POSTED SEPT. 24, 1998
Handicapped too <ruthmcgill@ivillage.com>, Asheboro, N.C.
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
To answer fairly, I have to
look back on my own responses to this type of situation before my
brother became disabled. You know that old saying, seeing is
believing? When driving my brother to the store in his
wheelchair-accessable van, I would park, jump out of the car - all
young, healthy and full of vigor - and immediately feel eyes on me.
Looking around, I saw dirty looks. It was not until I opened the side
door and started lowering my brother's chair lift that the looks
stopped. What those people where thinking, as I once found myself
thinking many times, was, "Hey! They are taking a spot that somebody
else might need!" But they could not see that I needed it in order to
have space to get my brother in and out of the van until I started to
do so. People make judgments based on the information they have
available, and in your case, all that is available to them is what
they see. With advances in medicine and technology, people who would
have at one time died or been rendered bed-ridden are now leading
active lives. Unfortunately, education of the general population
regarding this has not caught up yet. It will.
POSTED SEPT. 24, 1998
Kay H., Alpena, MI
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THE QUESTION:
GE73: To men: What is your
opinion of women who have had their breasts enlarged? Are you any
less attracted to them if you find out their chest size is
"fake"?
POSTED SEPT. 10, 1998
Steph, 18, Lawrenceville, Ga
ANSWER 1:
Steph, I am a 45-year-old
white male. I have been with women who have had breast augmentations
and those who haven't. My choice? Go with what God gave you. The size
of your breasts has nothing to do with you as a person, lover or
friend. Granted, most men will turn their head when a woman who is
"stacked" walks in a room. Again, based on my experience, I would
rather be with a woman who enjoys lovemaking instead of looking good
in a sweater.
POSTED SEPT. 14, 1998
M.O., 45, white male, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
I am a 26-year-old male who
finds large breasts extremely attractive. I cannot help at least
glancing at a woman with proportionately large breasts, whether it be
at work or anywhere else. However, recently I have noticed a lot more
women my age (and especially younger) having breast implants,
although their breasts are fine "as is." What is going on? I figure
it must be a self-esteem problem. Would I want my mate to get a boob
job? No way. Would I hold it against a potential mate when I found
out she got a breast enlargement? Maybe. A woman who is happy with
the breasts she has radiates the confidence and self-respect I (and
most respectable men) look for in a partner. I like large breasts to
look at, but I prefer "real" small to "fake" big for other important
reasons.
POSTED SEPT. 23, 1998
Taran6, 26, male <Taran6@Juno.com>, San Diego, CA
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THE QUESTION:
R461: Why do teams use demeaning
and hurtful names like "Redskins," "Braves" and "Wahoo"? "Redskin"
is, according to the U.S. Dictionary, equal to calling a black person
"nigger." Does anyone care that these things degrade and stereotype a
living, breathing race? Do we have rights to the same racial dignity
others now enjoy? I apologize if I sound angry. I just pray that
Creator gives the people of America the empathy, compassion and
conviction to see the wrong in these things, and make them right.
POSTED SEPT. 21, 1998
C. Nunpa, Lakota/Potawatomi, MI
ANSWER 1:
I am a black woman who is
strongly offended by the use of racist logos. I refuse to attend any
sports contests where these teams or logos are endorsed and will not
purchase this racist merchandise. The effects of racism are
immeasurable, and it doesn't matter who the target audience is. My
prayers are in line with yours.
POSTED SEPT. 22, 1998
Dee W., black female, westde@hiram.edu, Cleveland, OH
FURTHER NOTICE:
I don't feel we have any
rights to "racial dignity." We do, however, have a right to freedom
of speech. Native Americans (neither word being very accurate) are a
conquered people and as a whole are well-respected and accepted by
the general population. When these terms were first used, they were
not meant to be negative. The idea that a competitive sports team
would use an ethnicity to promote itself shows honor. In today's
society, these terms have become less than acceptable among the
politically correct. Names like Canucks, Fighting Irish and Vikings
are all words that can now be found offensive. That's life. Win the
war, write the rules.
POSTED SEPT. 22, 1998
Kirk <saturnkk@concentric.net>, Warren, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think you should lighten
up. The teams are named after a people who are admired. It's not a
putdown. It's a compliment.
POSTED SEPT. 23, 1998
Half Native American, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Thank you for bringing to my
attention that these words are offensive to Native American people. I
was aware that "Redskins" was considered insulting. However, I had no
idea that "Braves" was also an insult, and I have never heard the
word "wahoo" before. Could you explain what these words mean and
where they come from? I'm afraid I'm very ignorant of your
culture!
POSTED SEPT. 23, 1998
Liz, white <Elizabeth.Baines@bbsrc.ac.uk>, Edinburgh, UK
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
C.N., you are certainly
entitled to your opinion, but your rights end when they impose on
another's. Words carry different meanings to different people. In
fact, your own name might be considered an insult in other tongues,
yet I have no right to tell you not to use it.
POSTED SEPT. 24, 1998
Arlin, 49, Polish, Forest Meadows, NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I will believe "Redskin" is a
compliment for Indian people as soon as I hear of a team being named
"Small Penises" or "White Trash" and whites take it as a compliment.
These names are stereotypes
and negative ones definitely. Imagine a team being named "Stingies"
or "Kikes" and then people claiming they were complimenting Jews on
their thriftiness. The "Fighting Irish" of Notre Dame was objected to as a stereotype by Irish people in the 19th
Century and early 20th Century, when discrimination against the Irish
was still quite common. But I have never heard of discrimination
against Canadians or Scandinavians. That's why no one objects,
because whites do have power within this system. But there is no
group more powerless than American Indians (only guilty whites say
Native American; I've never heard another Indian call themselves
anything but Indian or their particular tribe). I cheer those who
search their conscience and do not laugh off hateful language.
To Kirk: The "conquered people" idea
was proven wrong long ago by historians. First, some Indians such as
the Seminole were never defeated. Others, like the Apache, were never
defeated by the military but by Indians allied with the United
States. Dozens of tribes never fought the United States at all.
Disease and starvation played the main part in those that were
temporarily defeated. As you can see, we are still here and stronger
than ever. I am not "conquered" anymore than blacks are still slaves.
The conquered people argument is another way of saying "might makes
right." But we all know what is right is right. It does surprise me
that you claim Indians are well treated when that part of the
country, the North-Central, is where Indians are commonly referred to
as "Prairie Niggers." The use of sports teams using racial epithets
is a sign of a larger problem, just as there used to be a chewing
tobacco brand called "Nigger Hair."
POSTED SEPT. 24, 1998
A.C.C., 32, Mexican and American Indian male, San Antonio, TX
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THE QUESTION:
R463: I work at a very ethnically
diverse company in Southern California. I have noticed (as have
several of my co-workers) that people from the Philippines are very
noisy when they eat and drink. Why is this?
POSTED SEPT. 22, 1998
Sally, 46, white, La Verne, CA
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THE QUESTION:
D23: To people in wheelchairs:
Is it appropriate for someone to ask if you need assistance? Is it
patronizing for someone to ask you, "May I get the door for you?" I
recognize that the answer will probably depend on the individual and
the circumstance, but I'm hoping for some guidelines.
POSTED SEPT. 4, 1998
Kim S. <gibbon@asu.edu>, Tempe, AZ
ANSWER 1:
As a wheelchair user, I
appreciate it tremendously when someone asks if I need assistance or
offers their help. In fact, I find it terribly rude when someone
obviously sees me struggling with something (such as opening a door,
reaching objects in a store or going up a ramp) and either ignores
me, or worse, stands there and stares without helping. In my opinion,
asking if someone needs help is always the polite thing to do,
wheelchair or not.
POSTED SEPT. 9, 1998
Patricia J., 40, wheelchair user <clotho@alaska.net>, Richmond, VA
FURTHER NOTICE:
There are three people in
wheelchairs at my office. One will snap your head off if you offer
help, and God forbid if you ever attempt to assist her in getting
through a door. One woman appreciates any help you offer her,
although she is very capable, has traveled on her own and lives
alone. The third woman uses her wheelchair status to be dependent and
as an excuse. This has really opened my eyes to the multiplicity of
responses to "handicaps." That said, I would never hesitate to offer
my assistance to a stranger. The fact that someone else might view my
act of kindness as "rudeness" is their problem, not mine.
POSTED SEPT. 23, 1998
Amy, 45 <amylf@aol.com>, Sarasota, FL
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THE QUESTION:
RE96: I would like to know from
Catholics who have "converted" to other denominations such as
Baptist, Lutheran, etc., what kind of effect the change has had on
your spiritual life. Do you feel closer to God, have a better
understanding of Heaven, etc.?
POSTED SEPT. 22, 1998
Suzanne, 29, non-denominational, Redmond, WA
ANSWER 1:
Having changed from a
Catholic background to a Baptist style, I found the following
differences: Spiritually, evangelicals (Baptists) study the Bible
together and try to understand why something is right or wrong. Each
congregation is autonomous (separately governed), and so no huge
Church can dictate morals. Socially, I feel people are much more
supportive in the evangelical churches. When I attended the Catholic
church, after service I went home. Where I am now, after service,
people visit. There is support for those needing support, be it
friendship or prayer. Prayerwise, prayer is much more personal. I
speak to Jesus as my friend, not as an Almighty God (who He is) who
doesn't care about us mere mortals. Doctrinally, the Baptist and
other evangelical churches are simpler. Basic beliefs number about 7
to 10. Roman Catholic canon laws number more than 1,000. If it isn't
in the Bible, it isn't important for evangelicals.
POSTED SEPT. 24, 1998
A. Urbonas <urbonas@freenet.edmonton.ab.ca>, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
R439: I've noticed that many of
the Hispanic mothers/nannies at our local playgrounds address their
children as "mama," as in "Come here and drink your juice, mama."
It's used as a term of endearment, the way I might say "sweetie" or
"honey." But doesn't "mama" mean "mother" in Spanish, as it does in
English? If so, it seems a strange thing to call a child. I'm curious
if the word has a special cultural significance. Or, am I just
misunderstanding what they're saying, and it's a word that sounds
like "mama" but isn't?
POSTED AUG. 31, 1998
Cynthia, 37, white mother of two preschoolers, Pasadena , CA
ANSWER 1:
You're right. You have indeed
heard mothers call their little girls "mama" and, if you listen
closely, their little boys "papa." It's nothing more than a term of
endearment. There are a number of variations: "mami" and "papi" or
"mamita" and "papito" (diminutive). They are the same words you might
use when addressing your parents, but they are interchangeably used
for children (or spouses!) with great affection.
POSTED SEPT. 21, 1998
N., 33, Cuban-American female, Miami, FL
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THE QUESTION:
RE70: Islam is the second-largest
religion in America, and growing fast. It accepts all the Jewish
prophets and Jesus. Why is it then, that many Jews and Christians
have an aversion to Islam, even though most Muslims are peaceful?
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Brad P. <raddemo@aol.com>, Honolulu, HI
ANSWER 1:
1) Islam does not accept
Jesus as Christians understand him (second person of a triune God).
See C.S. Lewis for a discussion of the importance of accepting the
divinity of Christ if acceptance means anything. 2) Iranians may have
good historic, cultural and political reasons to hate the United
States, but Muslims should not be surprised that hearing a nation
constantly chant "Death to America" and identify the United States
with Satan results in an aversion to Islam. 3) Muslims practice their
religion freely in the United States - Christian missionaries are
persecuted in Islamic countries. I don't justify the aversion by
these observations, but I understand it.
POSTED AUG. 1, 1998
Charles B., 51, white <owlfran@aol.com>, Haverford, PA
FURTHER NOTICE:
Mohammed, the founder of
Islam, did say that he acknowledged the prophets of Israel and Jesus
as prophets, but that he was truly The Prophet of Allah (the name of
God according to Islam). Thus, what he says is the final truth, and
all truth is contained in the Koran. Christians believe Jesus is "The
Prophet" of YHWH (Yahweh or Yehovah; no one knows the vowels for
certain) and truly the Son of God and Messiah, as prophesied. Jesus
taught that He would be the last Prophet and that He was the
fulfillment of the Law (Torah) and all prophecy. All new revelation
from God ceased with the teaching of Jesus the Messiah, and any
teaching from man or an angel of God that does not completely conform
with His teaching is not from God. This is why Christians do not
accept the teaching of Islam.
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
Scott C., 40, Christian <scampbel@netset.com>, Worthington, OH
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
My introduction to Islam took
place at the university. Before that, I had no opinion about Islam
and was only vaguely aware of it. Many of the other students at this
university were Islamic. I was instructed by one that while
Christians say "turn the other cheek," Moslems say "hit back twice as
hard." Those were his words. He was from India. I was a graduate
assistant and taught labs. One day four men came up to me in a group
and accused me of giving unfair grades to them because of their
ethnicity. They too were Islamic, from Iran. As a lone woman, I was
intimidated by this group of men. I took their complaint to the head
of the department, who gave the papers to an instructor (also
foreign, from Cameroon) to compare. He returned them with the
comment, "The grades are fair." These instances and the things I have
read about the treatment of women in Islamic counties have given me a
bad opinion of the Islamic religion.
POSTED AUG. 7, 1998
Theist, 47, white, Ann Arbor , MI
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Islam's image is that of a
zealous, violent religion intolerant of others' beliefs and
religions. This may or may not be accurate, but we all see Iran and
the intolerance toward the writings of Salmin Rushdie to the point of
ordering his death, and we see the lack of women's rights , forced
female circumcision , suicide bombers and kidnappings. This shapes
our image. We never see Islam promoting world peace, non-violence or
women's rights.
POSTED AUG. 17, 1998
Dave <GILSTRAP@MS13.HINET.NET>, Easley, SC
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
In my humble opinion, the
reason many Jews and Christians have an aversion to Islam is because
of some of the statements you read here. Not because they are true,
but because it's the common belief. Some of the notions here are
purely laughable to me. Many misconceptions abound. The name of the
religion "Islam" comes from the arabic root for "peace" or
"tranquility." Most Muslims want nothing more than peace. However, in
the face of oppression, Muslims must fight for what's right. As for
unfair treatment of women, it truly does not exist in an Islamic
framework. Just because someone states something is Islamic, or
becuase they come from an "Islamic" country, doesn't mean what they
do is Islamic. Just as the ethnic cleansing in Serbia, the KKK or the
Spanish Inquisition should not be considered "Christian." A little
bit of research on the part of individuals or the Western press will
find that Islamic creed and Christian creed are rather similar, and
that a relationship built on similarities instead of differences
would be far more advantageous to everyone.
POSTED SEPT. 21, 1998
David, 29, Muslim <dk4@bigfoot.com>, Washington, DC
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THE QUESTION:
R221: Why is the average American
so ignorant about the Third World (Africa, to be exact)? The average
African is very knowledgeable about the outside world and has a zeal
to improve himself or herself. Why is the average American not like
that?
POSTED APRIL 30, 1998
Ify <ifebigh77@hotmail.com>, Miami, FL
ANSWER 1:
Some Americans think the
whole world is like it is here in the States. We live here, and if we
don't take the time to learn about other places, we won't know about
them. Also, some of the media paints a slanted picture of Africa, so
that the things we know about it are half true and not truly
representative of Africa. Once, some students asked me if they had
buildings like ours in Africa. They really asked me about lots of
things. I had to show them pictures to make them believe Africa has
lots of the things we have in America, but it is still different. It
is not like they think it is going to be. (I have visited Senegal and
am going to South Africa this summer.) The places I've visited so far
were wonderful places that surpassed all my expectations of West
Africa. Sadly, many of the people I have talked to still think of
Africa in the Tarzan way. They think Africans are swinging from trees
and eating grass. I think it is sad that we don't take the time to
learn about other countries, Third World or otherwise.
POSTED MAY 7, 1998
Carmela, 29, black <pecola@hotmail.com>, Atlanta, Ga
FURTHER NOTICE:
To Ify: You are correct. It
comes down to the lack of Americans' direct contact with other
cultures. Also, that contact would have to be more than being a
tourist on a quick sightseeing tour. The United States is just about
the only country, or at least developed country, that speaks only one
language. I am a typical white male American with a college degree
living in Taiwan with my Chinese wife. My wife speaks five languages,
and the school system requires all students take English from seventh
grade through graduating high school. Most people here speak at least
two languages, and many three. There are many American news and other
programs on television, along with programs from the Mainland ,
Japan, Singapore, etc.. There are subtitles on the movies that come
from many different countries as well. The people here have a large
exposure to other cultures. When I go back to the States to visit, I
am surprised at the lack of perception most Americans have about the
rest of the world, even though they tend to project outwardly that
they know a lot. This is why Americans look niave and arrogant to
many other cultures.
POSTED AUG. 14, 1998
Dave <GILSTRAP@MS13.HINET.NET>, Taipei , Taiwan
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Americans are very
ethnocentric because on the whole, we have everything we need. There
is very little about a Third World country that I would like to bring
into my neighborhood. Consequently, the only thing I want to learn
about them is how to avoid their problems. Other countries want to
learn about America because they want our money. Let's be honest:
Does anyone really like our music that much? As a matter of
curiosity, I have read and studied some of the political history of
Africa, but there really isn't much there that interests me of late.
Tribal rivalries and black-on-black violence is all it is. I guess
I'm just a stuck-up American, but I really do think even the
worst-off U.S. citizen has it better than the richest citizen in most
Third World countries.
POSTED SEPT. 23, 1998
B., 22, straight white male, Indianapolis, IN
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
It may also have to do with
the fact that America is a very large country. Unlike the citizens of
most countries, an American can travel for thousands of miles and
still be surrounded by people who speak the same language and are
subject to the same laws. This can lead to a perception that things
are pretty much the same, i.e. American, everywhere. When I was in my
early 20s I spent 2 1/2 years in Africa in the Peace Corps, and was
delighted by how different the customs and language and food were,
but how much the people really were like the folks back home.
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
Steve H., 49, white American, Redondo Beach, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I am a college freshman, and
thoughout high school traveled to six different Third World
countries. Not just on quick sightseeing tours, but on extended
stays, helping the country by building a church, etc. I was with a
group of all high school students, and all of us had a heart for
Third World countries. It was plain to see the needs, and how easy it
would be to help. There are those young Americans who do see the
need, and are trying to do something about it. We may not seem like
many, but few with a good heart can do more than many doing "their
share." And if you want many, then go to a public high school, share
your stories and compel them to go and see for themselves. It does
work; just tell them colleges like to see it on applications.
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
Summer, 18, white <summerconklin@hotmail.com>, Grantham, PA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I agree with Carmela. I was a
citizen of country X before, and am now a citizen of country Y. Both
X and Y are not the United States. I was asked, by some Americans,
whether there was TV, whether we lived on trees and whether there
were hospitals and cars in these countries. This gave me the
understanding that some Americans are extremely ignorant about other
countries. Just look at how many "world champions" there are in the
United States, although those are really "U.S. champions." It's like
other countries just don't exist. To B. of Indiana: Believe me, there
are average people in many Third World countries who are better off
than the better-off people in the United States.
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
P.H., St. Paul, MN
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
To B. of Indiana: Your answer
has compelled me to respond to one of these issues for the first
time. With all due respect, I believe your reply exudes the attitude
that Ify is asking about. In my opinion, the American culture is so
rich and may offer us "everything we need" thanks to the
contributions of people from the world's diverse cultures, from
developing nations and otherwise. Although I have never visited
Africa, I have some knowledge of a few of its many cultures. I am not
aware that Africa or other developing nations have more rivalries or
violence than any post-Industrial nations. In fact, they very well
may have less. Your point about the value of learning how to avoid
problems by studying how other countries have handled them is very
valid. However, I would not be surprised if many nations study the
United States so that they can avoid some of our numerous problems!
Lastly, I find that sometimes the more I learn about a topic, the
more I realize I don't know. You may change your mind about the
validity and richness of other cultures by learning more about them.
As they say, variety is the spice of life.
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
Dana, 29, American <dkup@usa.net>, NY, NY
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