Best of the Week
of Sept. 24,2000
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Sept. 24, 2000, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
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guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
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Question:
I am not gay or bisexual; I have been attracted to men, but not
sexually attracted to them. What does that make me? I never dated. I
am a thirty-something virgin. Am I nonsexual or asexual?
POSTED 9/29/00
Sandra L., Atlanta, GA, United States, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, Middle class, Mesg ID 818200015127
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Question:
Recently I met a man in college who claims to be a skinhead. His head
is shaven; he wears camoflauge and a flak jackets and steel-toed
boots. However, he claims not to be racist. He says skinheads are
just 'working-class culture,' whatever that means. Does anyone know
what he is talking about, or should I retire to my original idea of
jumping him?
POSTED 6/27/00
Seamus, Charlestown, MA, United States, 21, Male, Lower class, Mesg
ID 6242000123132
Responses:
I'm a skinhead, and my parents were skinheads. It has bugger all
to do with racism! That's just neo-Nazi bonehead scum. The media
always identifies race hate with skinheads, but it's not true - the
boneheads stole our culture (but not our style) in the mid-late '70s.
Real Skins have a style and culture mixed from the United Kingdom and
Jamaica. Check out the music circa '69: Symarip: "Skinhead moonstomp,
skinhead jamboree, skinhead girl." The Pioneers: "Reggae Fever," and
God knows how many other Reggae skinhead classics - before any
bonehead white noise.
POSTED 9/29/00
Jason, Kettering, NA, United Kingdom, 31, Male, Atheist, mixed race,
Straight, 4 Years of College , Lower class, Mesg ID 9290033716
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Question:
Can anyone tell me about the practice of chewing qat (a mild
narcotic) in Yemen? I've heard this is done only in Yemen. Please
tell me about the history, cultural signifigance and actual
experience of this activity.
POSTED 9/28/00
Dennis B., Bismarck, IL, United States, 45, Male, Native American,
Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Lower class,Mesg ID
9280021304
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Question:
For gay couples, some questions I've often wondered about but haven't
been able to ask: Do committed gay couples sharing a household
typically spend the night together - same bed, bodies entwined? Does
the frequency of sex drop off with time in gay relationships, as it
does in heteorosexual relationships and marriages? Would you prefer
your straight friends and coworkers sidestep any comments or queries
that relate to personal matters - or at least let you make the first
move in that direction?
POSTED 9/29/00
J. Williams, Kansas City, MO, United States, 54, Male,
White/Caucasian, Straight, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
822000124207
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Question:
It seems like I know a very high percentage of single Catholic girls
who are very promiscuous. I'm talking having two to three different
partners each week. Maybe I hang with bad company, but does anyone
else ever notice this? And if so, why? Especially when Catholicism
dictates no premarital sex...
POSTED 9/28/2000
Susan, Thousand Oaks, CA, United States, 35, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 926200061751
Responses:
I had to laugh when I read where the poster was from because I
know a wild girl from that area, although I don't think she was as
bad as two or three partners a week. The whole Catholic thing is
repression. In many cases, instead of being raised with the mindset
that sexuality is healthy and normal - though something that is
special and should be controlled - there is a great mindset of
negativity. It is from this that an unhealthy attitude develops that
sometimes manifests itself to the other extreme, where excessive
sexual behavior results as a kind of backlash. This often happens
when young people leave home for the first time (i.e. college). And
yes, I can say all this from experience because I grew up a socially
moronic Catholic who had no idea how to have a positive male-female
relationship when I got to college. I did not become promiscuous, but
I know many people who did because of their negative backlash against
their upbringing.
POSTED 9/28/00
Dan, Washington, DC, United States, 25, Male, Catholic, 4 Years of
College, Mesg ID 9280032854
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Question:
In the last year, I've seen many customer service employees leave
their professions because of what they call 'customer rage.' Who came
up with the crazy idea that a customer is right no matter how abusive
they are? (screaming, profanity, physical abuse) Does this mean the
American public is more ill-mannered or that service-industry
employees are finally standing up to unwarranted abuse? I've been to
Europe and Asia and have not seen the level of irresponsible behavior
I see from customers, especially children in the United States. I'd
like to hear from professionals who deal with this issue from both
sides - the customer and the employee.
POSTED 9/26/00
Alma, Kempner, TX, United States, 47, Female, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Lesbian, Contract employee, 4 Years of College ,
Lower middle class, Mesg ID 920200072541
Responses:
My first job when I was 16 trained me that the customer IS always
right. No matter what. Make the customer happy - build goodwill. It
seems to me like this pride in a job well done has gone by the
wayside. I admit, there are customers who get a little hairy, but
take a moment and don't take it personally - let them vent. If he's
spending his money, and keeping you employed, he deserves your
happiest face, utmost respect and understanding. If you can't give
it, get out of the service industry.
POSTED 9/29/00
Beth, Buffalo, NY, United States, 33, Female, Jewish,
Ashkenazic/Mexican - 3rd generation American, Straight, Advertising
Agency manager, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
9280045213
Part of my job includes collecting delinquent bills, and I am
currently searching for a new job because of what you've described.
I've been cursed, threatened and screamed at while on the job, and
frankly, I'm sick of it. A few months ago a 70-plus-year-old man
threatened to punch my secretary in the nose because he didn't want
to pay the bill. As far as I'm concerned, 'individuals' are fine, but
'people' are stupid. The problem seems to be that the 'public'
forgets that we are people, too. We're your moms and dads, kids,
cousins and neighbors. I am not an indentured servant. I am not a
slave. My parents did not conceive me for the purpose of being yelled
at because someone else wants to be a 'squeaky wheel.'
POSTED 9/29/00
Brian, Kokomo, IN, United States, 25, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, management, 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 9290045803
The customer is NOT always right. As a former retail manager, I
have been in a lot of customer situations, and I think it comes down
to something like this: Most customers are 'OK,' meaning that they
just want what they came in after, they want good value for their
money and they expect the product to be free of defects. So far, so
good. Most retail clerks are indifferent, because they make so little
money and perceive themselves just as cash register operators.
Naturally pleasant people will always have a smile and a nice
greeting in this situation, but otherwise, it's just doing a job and
delivering the minimal courtesy needed to get by. (If sales
commission is involved, some care and some don't.) Product knowledge
is next to zero; when I go to buy something, I check it out
beforehand, and the actual store visit is just to purchase the item.
I don't expect anyone to be able to help me. A small percentage of
customers, though, have self-esteem issues and are just itching for
some opportunity to prove that 'I have bought something from you,
therefore I own you.' Others just have personal problems in general,
and bring those to the retail environment. Others are under the
influence of alcohol and/or drugs. Still others (especially
high-income customers) expect their lives to be perfect, and when
something goes wrong with a product they've bought, they go ballistic
because they've been slightly inconvenienced. The independent
retailer can tell such customers to take their business elsewhere,
but someone working for a corporate retailer can't exercise such a
prerogative. The only solution seems to be some sort of 'uniform
retail code' protecting the rights of both retailers and customers
(including the right of retailers to put together some kind of
'difficult customer registry' similar to bad-check registries), and I
for one don't want more federal regulation in my life or anyone
else's.
POSTED 9/30/00
Gus, Cola, SC, United States, Male, Former Retail Manager, Mesg ID
93000120529
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Question:
I am a social worker and am wondering why Latina mothers sometimes
refer to their children as 'Mommy?'
POSTED 9/26/00
Becky, Reading, PA, United States, 22, Female, White/Caucasian,
Social Worker, Over 4 Years of College , Lower middle class, Mesg ID
921200022525
Responses:
It's to teach girls to identify with and thus respect the role of
mothers, and also to teach them that it is what they should want to
be. It's also just a term of endearment.
POSTED 9/27/2000
A.C.C., W. Lafayette, IN, United States, Male, Mexican and American
Indian, Grad student, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
9272000110832
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Question:
Are there cultures in which women dominate?
POSTED 9/26/00
Beth, Honey Brook, PA, United States, <Beth964@hotmail.com>,
19, Female, Presbyterian, White/Caucasian, Straight, High School
Diploma, Mesg ID 9192000103918
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Question:
Why do blacks have such huge lips?
POSTED 9/26/00
Jon, Heskew, IL, United States, Male, Mesg ID 919200092511
Responses:
Who sets the standard for lip size? I guess the media does. As a
black woman, I could just as easily ask why white people have such
thin lips, or in some cases, no lips at all. Because we are a
minority, whatever differences we have from other races are perceived
as abnormal (lips, hair, etc.).
POSTED 9/27/2000
Elaine, Newport News, VA, United States, 52, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, HR Rep, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
9272000104857
People of African heritage have certain traits that make them
unique, e.g. the luscious lips, relatively big booty (female) and big
private parts (male). White people also have traits that make them
unique, and Asians also have their unique features. Such different
traits make us unique. Out of curiosity, do you have a problem with
big lips?
POSTED 9/28/2000
Ify, Miami, FL, United States, 23, Female, Catholic, Black/African
American, Straight, Mesg ID 9272000103355
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Question:
What's the name of the hat made of feathers that Native American
chiefs wear?
POSTED 9/26/00
Itay B., Tel-Aviv, NA, Israel, <hargol@myiol.com>, 24, Male,
Jewish, White/Caucasian, Straight, Web Content, High School Diploma ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 924200084649
Responses:
It's not really a 'hat.' That implies it's casual, everyday
headgear. It's called a war bonnet, and it is part of the regalia
(NOT costume, as that would imply dressing up or pretend) used only
for ceremonial occasions. And please don't get the idea that we dress
like in the old (and usually inaccurate) movies. As far as everyday
wear, we dress pretty much like other people - t-shirts, jeans,
flannels, baseball caps. I also should point out that only some
Indian nations use it. Many more have traditional headwear made of
animal fur, bands of cloth, shells or bones, or combinations of
these. Many also use plumes of feathers or individual feathers from
birds that have special ritual significance. There are more than 500
Indian nations in North America alone, and each has a different
tradition of what they wear.
POSTED 9/28/2000
A.C.C., W. Lafayette, IN, United States, Mexican and American Indian,
Grad student, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 9272000110425
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Question:
Why do people in the United States view aspects like drinking and
sexuality differently than European countries seem to?
POSTED 9/26/00
D.T., Salem, NH, United States, 18, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, High School Diploma , Middle class, Mesg
ID 925200021156
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Question:
I am a black woman who is fairly slender and whose derriere is very
slim. It seems as if most black men are not attracted to me, while
most white men are fine and actually prefer a slimmer woman and
definitely a slimmer derriere. Does anyone know why this is so? Is it
a cultural difference and why?
POSTED 9/26/00
Juliemangoes, Boston, MA, United States, 38, Female, Catholic,
Black/African American, Straight, Attorney, Over 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 9260023423
Responses:
Yes, yes, it is a cultural thing. I am an African, and most (not
all) of the men appreciate a woman who has some 'meat on her bones.'
It seems that black men find the derriere to be very enticing and
intriguing. White people, on the other hand, are into the 'Barbie
image,' and they prefer women who are slender, with a small booty. I
believe it is really a cultural/hereditary thing.
POSTED 9/28/2000
Ify, Miami, FL, United States, 23, Female, Catholic, Black/African
American, Mesg ID 9272000104103
On average, white women are slimmer, while black women are more
curvy and voluptuous. I believe it's what the men of different
cultural groups are used to. This can be seen for generations. In
Africa, healthy women are desired; it's a sign of wealth and
happiness. Don't forget, Europeans were the people who invented
corsets, to keep white women skinny. I, for one, love black women how
they are. Slim or curvy, something about the sisters just attracts
me.
POSTED 9/30/00
Seamus, Charlestown, MA, United States, <madskat@home.com>, 21,
Male, White/Caucasian, Carpenter/Student, 2 Years of College , Lower
middle class, Mesg ID 93000122412
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Question:
If a man has married and even fathered children, and then discovers
(or admits) he is attracted to men, why does he then call himself gay
rather than bisexual? If he was able to be aroused by his wife at
some point, why does he suddenly go exclusively the other way? Do
people have an aversion to classifying themselves as bisexual?
POSTED 9/21/2000
Andrea K., Farmington, ME, United States, 40, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, teacher/musician, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
9500113403
Responses:
From what I have heard, most gay men who are in relationships
with women are not aroused by their wives/girlfriends. They become
aroused by fantasizing about being with other men.
POSTED 9/26/00
Rebecca, Anchorage, AK, United States, Female, Mesg ID 9250092832
Many people do identify as bisexual. If a man is bi, he presumably
would be as likely to stay with his wife forever. However, the
situations that you are referring to involve men who are gay but do
not accept it until after they have married a woman. Many men who are
not attracted to a woman can have intercourse by closing their eyes
and imagining they are with a man or by some other means. Such a man
is gay but is playing the role of someone who is heterosexual or bi.
He probably loves his wife as a friend but does not love her
romantically and is not physically attracted to her.
POSTED 9/26/00
Frank, Washington, DC, United States, 24, Male, Methodist, white
Southerner, Gay, statistician, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 9252000115900
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Question:
While reading today, I came across a reference to black people and
watermelon (apparently there is a joke or myth that they eat it all
the time). I've heard about this several times over the years but
don't know its origin. How in the world did this joke/myth come to
be? Why watermelon?
POSTED 9/18/2000
S.R., Austin, TX, United States, 22, Female, Humanist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
9142000102224
Responses:
I am an African-American female. To hear racial slurs and
prejudices like that goes to show how there are very ignorant people
out there in the world. The thing is this: blacks have been oppressed
for many years (and are somewhat still today), and that assumption is
only one of the many stereotypes toward blacks in general. Do you
know that people of other races have different stereotypes as well?
For whites: 'White men can't jump, nor do they have any rhythm.' For
Asians: 'They are so smart in math.' So you see, to pick on that
stereotype would be ridiculous. There are just too many. So the
answer is no, it is not true. Not all blacks like watermelon! Only
ignorant people would try to associate that with a whole race.
POSTED 9/26/00
Labrish, Oswego, NY, United States, 21, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, college student, 4 Years of College
, Middle class, Mesg ID 921200074338
I'm definitely not an authority on the subject but will take a
guess: Watermelons need a long growing season (or at least did before
they came up with new types) and were therefore grown mainly in the
South. The crop was probably so easy to grow that they used them as
cheap food for slaves - or maybe they were so cheap to buy that poor
people could afford them. They then became a sign of a 'lower class'
of people, and because blacks were the poorest, the association
became a slam.
POSTED 9/26/00
Cheryl, Wysox, PA, United States, 51, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Med tech, 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 923200082041
Hoo boy, you've stumbled upon a real chestnut in the annals of
stereotypes. Black people don't eat any more watermelon than anyone
else, actually. Of course we like it, but who doesn't? If there's any
truth to the stereotype, it's because watermelons are a hearty plant
and produce large fruits (actually, I think watermelons are a
vegetable) that can feed a lot of people. Back in the days of
slavery, and beyond, anything that was plentiful was a staple,
especially when fresh fruit was at a premium. In those days, the more
exotic fruits and vegetables were reserved for the Big House. If it
didn't grow on the land, it wasn't likely that slaves would be
welcome to it unless it had been discarded. Same with chicken. There
were usually lots of them, and they were easy to feed, so we ate them
rather than beef or other meat. This became a stereotype the same way
that a lot of stereotypes develop - people woefully ignorant of the
true origins of a behavior, or willfully deciding that a survival
tactic or adaptation is some kind of inherent characteristic.
Incidentally, ever heard the phrase, 'S)he's eating high on the hog'?
This comes from the same place. Pig's feet, maws, chitlins (pig
guts), brains and all of that which is discarded from the body of a
pig at slaughter are part of soul-food cuisine. We began eating these
things because the meat higher up on the pig's body(hams, bacon,
etc.) was also reserved for the Big House. Thus, 'eating high on the
hog,' meaning (unusually) well.
POSTED 9/26/00
Jennifer R., St. Paul, MN, United States, <DKFLWR@aol.com>, 29,
Female, Humanist, Black/African American, Straight, 4 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 925200014008
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Question:
Is there a difference between races in the rate at which
medications/drugs take effect in the body - and the extent of the
effects? That is, are there differences in pharmacological
metabolism?
POSTED 9/18/2000
Humberto G., Mexico City, n/a, United States, 49, Male, Catholic,
Hispanic/Latino, director, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 918200062350
Responses:
Studies seem to show a difference between alcohol tolerance and
race. For instance, Asians tend to have some difficulty processing
alcohol, which can cause a flushing look to their face. On the other
hand, the 'White-European drinking gene' is another stereotype that
seems to bare some truth. If race can be related to the absorbtion
and effects of alcohol, then I would presume that it might effect the
absorbtion of other drugs as well, even legal medications.
POSTED 9/26/00
Brian, Kokomo, IN, United States, 25, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, management, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg
ID 926200053559
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