Best of the Week
of Oct. 3, 1999
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Oct. 3, 1999, as selected
by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week"
entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing our new
database using our search form, or, in the
case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in our
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any questions relevant
to your demographic background, as well as to ask any provocative
question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily meant to
represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can provide a
window into the insights of an individual from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question:
Who do people look at me as a third-rate person when I tell them I am
an auto mechanic? Do they realize that the cars of today require a
constantly increasing amount of knowledge to diagnose and repair,
that the systems utilized in today's cars are rivaled only by those
of the human body, or that a good tech earns $40,000 to $70,000
anually? We are professionals and deserve to be treated as such.
POSTED 10/4/1999
Rodney O., Virginia Beach, VA, United States, 33, Male, Episcopalian,
Black/African American, Straight, ASE Master Auto Tech, 2 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 925199943420
Responses:
All my life I have been surrounded
by auto mechanics and handymen in general, and I have been asked,
told and pushed to become one for as long as I can remember. My uncle
is the penultimate "grease monkey." He is, in short, disgusting. None
of his work has any quality, he does not take care of his hygiene and
he has no social life. If you ever saw the Western Union commercial
with the stereotypical grease monkey, he's it and more. He is filthy,
his hair is rarely washed or cut, it looks like his jaw will fall off
and he is inarticulate. He does not work as a professional garage
mechanic; he would never be hired. Another auto enthusiast I know,
who also is not a professional auto mechanic, has destroyed his
marriage by spending all his time on cars. Sure, you deserve to be
treated like a professional businessman, like any other. But as long
as there are "enthusiasts" who can't do quality work, wouldn't be
hired by you or your employers and leave such a shocking, terrible
impression on people, you will have to work ever harder to get
respect. A lot of people you meet would probably guess that your
house/apartment is full of auto parts and that you go home a mess. I
would. You should make it clear that: a) You are a professional who
cares about cleanliness and a home/family life; and b) "Enthusiasts"
who produce shoddy work represent the opposite of professionals and
give them a bad name.
POSTED 10/6/1999
Alex, Toronto, Ontario, NA, Canada, 24, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, 4 Years of College , Lower class, Mesg ID 106199913355
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Question:
I'm a deaf girl who has grown up around hearing people. One thing I
have noticed is that hearing people tend to have an uncomfortable or
awkward time around deaf people and stare while we sign. Why is that?
Is it because you are afraid to contract deafness? We are willing to
make an effort to communicate on our part, so why don't you?
POSTED 10/6/1999
E. Henry, Steamboat Springs, CO, United States, 19, Female, Straight,
Deaf, Student, High School Diploma, Middle class, Mesg ID
10499110629
Responses:
I think it is natural for people to feel a bit awkward in
situations that are unusual to them. I went to a college with a
relatively large population of hearing-impaired students, and got
very used to seeing sign language in class and out. I still "stare"
at it (though I'd call it "watching"), not because I think it's
strange, but because it fascinates me. I know a very small amount of
sign language and would like to learn more. Perhaps some of the
people you see staring are just watching, too.
POSTED 10/6/1999
Shari D., Canton, MI, United States, 28, Female, Lutheran,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Teacher, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 1061999112857
When I have seen people signing, I couldn't help but try and sneak
a look because I find sign language really fascinating and beautiful
to watch. I don't know about other people's reasons, and granted it
is rude to stare at other people's conversations, but for me it isn't
because I am afraid or hostile; it is only admiration of another type
of speech.
POSTED 10/7/1999
Meriam F., San Francisco, CA, United States, Mesg ID 106199934952
I have always stared because I love sign language and have been
trying to learn it. By watching people sign, I'm learning more about
signing, the way people learn Spanish or French by listening to it.
Also, just as with some people learning French or Spanish, I don't
feel very comfortable using the language around people who speak it
fluently and prefer just to watch. Don't always assume that when a
hearing person stares at you it's because they are thinking something
negative or ignorant. They might just be watching and learning.
POSTED 10/7/1999
Mel W., Gunnison, CO, United States, 18, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, Student/Carhop, High School Diploma
, Middle class, Mesg ID 106199952506
I used to stare at deaf people the few times I saw them. But that
was because I was genuinely interested in learning more about
signing. As fate would have it, my fiance is fluent in sign. His
parents are deaf and his stepfather is deaf, so he's known sign since
he was just a little kid. Now, I have someone to help me become more
fluent in signing. I'm not very good at it, but the few people I've
signed to seemed to enjoy my attempts. But I wouldn't think too much
of the people that stare; they probably are curious about sign
language and find it just as interesting as I do.
POSTED 10/7/1999
Angee, Clarksville, TN, United States, <Boointn@aol.com>, 24,
Female, Future ASL Interpreter, Mesg ID 106199970024
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Question:
I've always wondered about the different Christian religions and
who's right about what. I'd really like to know, though, if most
Catholics are really Christians. I know they believe in God, buy have
they accepted Him into their lives?
POSTED 10/6/1999
Jillian H., Lansing, MI, United States, Female, Christian, Lower
class, Mesg ID 699960405
Responses:
Yes, Catholics are considered Christians. It is believed that the
Catholic Church was started by the apostle Peter.
POSTED 10/7/1999
Mark, Mountain Home, AR, United States, 37, Male, Straight,
Manufacturing/technician, Technical School , Lower middle class, Mesg
ID 106199994911
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Question:
I am a heterosexual female and recently I have noticed that almost
every woman now claims to be either a lesbian or bisexual. Almost all
my friends are following this 'talk show' trend, and I am just
curious: Why? I know that sometimes oral sex and foreplay (the only
things two women are genetically capable of doing together) are a lot
of times more enjoyable to a woman, but why are so many of us just
giving up on the men? I could never be intimate with a woman even if
I wanted to 'fit in,' so what is going on today with this latest
trend? Am I a part of a dying out, true heterosexual breed? Am I the
only one who sees this? Remember, Eve was the one who gave Adam the
apple that got them both thrown out of Eden.
POSTED 5/8/1999
Tiorea T., Wayne, NJ, United States, 19, Female, Straight, 2 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 579963951
Responses:
Many of the younger people of today have been indoctrinated,
unsuspectingly many times, over the years by activist school boards.
The school boards have traditionally had the trust of parents who
have simply assumed that the teachers of today are of the same moral
fiber as the teachers of yesteryear. The aim of some of these school
boards may have been laudable, but the result is that young people
often see homosexuality as no different than other lifestyles. It
takes a strong person to stand up and say "No" to this sort of
influence.
POSTED 10/6/1999
Normand, Alameda, CA, United States, 50, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Blue-collar, 2 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 679930528
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Question:
I do not understand all the public sympathy that racial and HIV
matters get. So many problems of people incapable of representing
themselves (the retarded, mentally ill, abandoned children, etc.) are
being pushed further and further into the corner. To me, public
figures flock to causes that are behavior choices, while people who
are truly innocent and cannot be other than they are catch a crumb or
two every year. I have lost all feeling for the serious illness of
AIDS and the error of racial discrimination. Don't people care about
more than being part of the latest fad?
POSTED 10/5/1999
K., Austin, TX, United States, Mesg ID 105199945833
Responses:
Racism is a social problem that derives from oppression,
discrimination and systemic marginalization of groups by the dominant
culture. AIDS is a lethal, infectious disease. Both are preventable.
On the other hand, the physically challenged are equal citizens who
deserve equality rather than sympathy. I believe these three distinct
issues can be addressed in a manner that does not prioritize one as
being more vital than the other. In fact, if left unattended, each of
them eventually results in poor quality of life and/or death.
Shouldn't we simply work on eradicating all forms of disadvantage and
affliction?
POSTED 10/6/1999
Dee W., Cleveland, OH, United States, 34, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, Educator, Over 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 105199971936
AIDS knows no age, race, religion or gender. You do not need to be
a junky, whore or homosexual to get HIV or AIDS. You need only to be
human. I have AIDS. I contracted it by having sex with my husband. I
know many women of all races who contracted AIDS through rape, or
consensual sex with boyfriends or husbands. Some who got it were
nurses who were pricked with dirty needles, and one woman who was
infected in her native Africa contracted it from a simple malaria
shot. Almost all of these women have one or more children. Some
unknowingly passed HIV on to those children in childbirth. And those
children are the innocent ones who do deserve sympathy and an outcry
to help them.
POSTED 10/7/1999
Female, Dallas, TX, United States, 27, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Accountant, 2 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
1061999111253
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Question:
I am Indian and never call myself a "camel jockey." I have Jewish
friends, and they never call themselves "kykes," and I have white
friends and they don't refer to themselves or their friends as
"crackers." So why to blacks use the derogatory term "nigger" when
talking about themselves or their friends and family? Why do African
Americans get upset when other people use the word "nigger" if they
use it themselves?
POSTED 10/4/99
Vinod, Seymour, CT, United States, 20, Male, Hindu, Asian, Straight,
Student, 2 Years of College , Upper middle class, Mesg ID
1019911614
Responses:
First, I would like to say that I am not African American, but of
mixed race and ethnicity, with one parent from the Dominican Republic
and another from the United States. However, I went to an all-black
high school and also consider myself an ally to African Americans, as
well as a child of the African diaspora. There are systematic
definitions of who we are supposed to be, and then there are words of
resistance. "Nigger," as used by African-American youth, has a
specific history of meaning resistance to the definition of blacks as
'less', or as nigger as "non-human" - just like gay men use "fag" and
lesbians use "dyke." These have all been words used to dehumanize us,
but among ourselves we use them as a way to reclaim the anger and
pain and turn it into a community building force. However, the intent
and the owner of the use of the word is very important. It is very
different for a Jewish lesbian to refer to herself as a kike dyke, or
a first nations person to refer to themselves as Indian, or a black
person to refer to themselves as a nigger, than for someone outside
of that particular place of resistance to use those words. We embue
these words with new meaning when we use them in our own contexts,
than when someone who is not black uses the word nigger, or not
Jewish using the word kike. Also, there is no singular experience. I
am sure that you as an Indian person can relate to the idea that you
are different from a lot of other Indian people, and that you have
your own opinions and ideas about names, labels, words, etc. The same
goes for individuals in all communities.
POSTED 10/4/1999
Ana L., Boston, MA, United States, <laraana@hotmail.com>, 24,
Female, Mesg ID 10499115820
I'll give you my opinion on it. First, when other races use the
word 'nigger,' it's meant to degrade black people and make them feel
less than human. When black people use the word with other black
people, it's not meant to degrade or make you feel low. Now the word
has a totally different meaning with some black people. It could mean
your homie or friend, not a low, dumb stupid, ignorant being. For
some black people, there is no difference. Nigger is a bad word no
matter who says it. To me, there are two different meanings: One is
someone who is ignorant and doesn't act like they have any sense. The
other is just meaning your boy, homie or friend. I don't use 'nigger'
every day, just sometimes. Yet if other races use the term, they mean
it to be derogatory and to degrade. And they use the word with the
intent of having some sort of hold on you and power over you.
POSTED 10/4/1999
Naomi, Lansing, MI, United States, <gauldinn@pilot.msu.edu>,
20, Female, Baptist, Black/African American, Straight, Full-time
student, 2 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 1049912539
I know white guys who refer to themselves as Crackers, Rednecks,
Peckerwoods, White Trash, etc. Same guys would be brandishing a
broken beer bottle at someone from another race calling them that.
This phenomenon is not limited to African Americans.
POSTED 10/5/1999
Steve, Houston, TX, United States, 37, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Engineer, Over 4 Years of College , Upper
class, Mesg ID 1049955707
In middle school and early high school, I didn't understand this,
either. Nowadays, it makes more sense, since I do the same kind of
thing. Around my sophomore/junior year of high school, I realized I
was a lesbian. It was this terrifying experience. What if people
called me queer? What if they said I was a dyke? After a while, I
came to understand something: I was queer, and I was a dyke, and ...
so what? The gay community, perhaps more than any besides the
African-American community, uses language reclamation. What that
means to me is that I will choose the power these words have. There
is no longer any insult in the word "dyke" for me... at least, not
generally. In fact, the word itself never bothers me ... it's the
tone, and the impetus behind it. At the same time, these words are
used within the community, often at full force. More than once I or
someone I know has made a reference to so and so being a "fag" or a
"big dyke." Usually, these are merely reference points. (It saves
going through a lot of qualifiers: "You know, the one with the
bi-level hair cut and the leather jacket. She rides a motorcycle and
lays pipe for a living. She looks kind of like Billy Ray Cyrus."
Read: the dyke.) Women seem to have done this to, with "bitch." It's
all about choosing where the power lies.
POSTED 10/5/1999
Kathryn, Roanoke, VA, United States, 21, Female, Lesbian, Mesg ID
1051999102236
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Question:
Why do Latino Catholics kiss their hand after making a sign of the
cross (genuflecting)?
POSTED 10/4/99
JoAnna R., St. Louis, MO, United States, 25, Female, Catholic,
Straight, Adminisrative Assistant, 2 Years of College, Mesg ID
1029945925
Responses:
It is a Spanish custom that when approaching the altar of God, as
a sign of homage a Catholic would genuflect and make the sign of the
cross. As for kissing the hand, the Spaniards make another sign of
the cross by bending the index finger of the right hand under the
right thumb, again creating a cross and kissing the cross that was
created by the two fingers. I hope that answers your question.
POSTED 10/4/1999
Sonja E., New Orleans, LA, United States, Female, Catholic,
Hispanic/Latino, Manager, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
10499123125
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Question:
Why do Hindu or Indian women wear black dots on their foreheads?
POSTED 10/4/99
Jamila M., Detroit, MI, United States, 13, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, Student, Less than High School
Diploma, Mesg ID 1029995334
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Question:
For women who are paraplegic, quadraplegic or have cerebral palsy or
similar conditions: If you get pregnant, can you carry your baby to
term? If so, can you give birth vaginally or do you have to have a
C-section?
POSTED 10/4/99
Crystal, Oakland, CA, United States, 30's, Female, Pagan,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Office manager, 2 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 9301999125704
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Question:
I have been raised "culturally Jewish" (as opposed to religiously) in
a multi-ethnic family. Recently, I've experienced being quite
offended by online conversations in mostly black-oriented chat rooms
where someone (who either doesn't know or doesn't care that I'm
Jewish) has made stereotypical comments about Jewish people owning
all the media and banks, and making negative comments to that effect.
What is the rationale for the Jewish stereotype of the greedy,
capitalist cheapskate? And do non-Jewish black folks know that there
are black Jews out there? That we feel offended when we're branded by
members of the black community with negative stereotypes?
POSTED 10/4/99
Taneia, Toronto, Ontario, NA, Canada, 26, Female, Jewish,
Polynesian/European, Straight, Graduate student, Over 4 Years of
College , Lower middle class, Mesg ID 9309924420
Responses:
The simplest answer I can give you is "consider the source."
During my earliest days of web surfing, I used to visit several
black-oriented chat rooms, but was turned off by the disturbing level
of aggressive ignorance that was usually on display there. The few
bright spots of intellect weren't worth my time (perhaps the same
could be said for most chat rooms of any kind?) I do believe, though,
that a larger issue is at work. For two groups of people with such
similar recent histories of suffering brutal oppression (i.e.,
American slavery and the European Holocaust), you'd think blacks and
Jews would automatically consider themselves spiritual kin. Alas, our
history of oppression in this country has not granted enough blacks
the gift of insight, or even empathy. Too many of us continue to hate
ourselves, and are quick to leap on the bandwagon of bigotry
regarding other perennial targets of discrimination. Next time you
see this sort of talk, perhaps you should urge the offenders to visit
a Passover seder: Maybe then they'll begin to develop a clue.
POSTED 10/5/1999
Sam, Chicago, IL, United States, <SamAlex67@aol.com>, 31, Male,
Black/African American, Straight, Firefighter, High School Diploma ,
Lower middle class, Mesg ID 1049965333
I think it's interesting that the writer would focus on negative
stereotypes coming from the black community. Believe me, there are
people in all communities who continue with this stupidity. That
being said, there is an historical basis for some of this. In many
cases, Jews were the last group of merchants to leave the black
community before the 1960s. People in my mother's age group can
remember feeling mistreated and cheated by these merchants, who
sometimes displayed unconscionable behavior. If the merchants had
been Irish or Italian, those groups would have been painted with the
same broad brush as the Jewish community, based on the activities of
some of these merchants.
POSTED 10/6/1999
Rikki, Cleveland, OH, United States, <rhowell37@hotmail.com>,
51, Female, Humanist, Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Lower
middle class, Mesg ID 106199991132
I can say a bit about the source of the stereotype. In Medieval
Europe, Christians believed it was a sin to deal in money, so money
lending became the profession of Jews. In fact, the only one they
were allowed to have. If you've borrowed money, you understand how
the rich people of Europe felt about money lenders. They (the rich
people) loved the Jews when they needed money. But when it came time
to pay it back, their feelings changed. In some countries Jews were
expelled when the king owed them money, and then he welcomed them
back in when he needed money again. A law of the time said that, when
a Jew died, his property belonged to the king. So, any money a Jew
had, he had to make during his lifetime. So, here you have a
combination of being limited to the profession of money lender,
having to support your family only on what you yourself make, and
living under the threat of having to pick up and leave. You can see
how this would make a person careful about money, and appear greedy
to others. And, if those others owed that person money, well, you get
the idea. Of course, as time went by, and some of the laws changed,
there were some Jewish families that did become rich. There were also
some rich Jews that came to America and continued the banking
tradition. However, most Jews who came to this country were poor and
trying to build new lives in the land of plenty.
POSTED 10/6/1999
Gail G., Oakland, CA, United States, <gail@homemail.com>, 35,
Female, Jewish/Pagan/Atheist, White/Caucasian, Straight, Technical
Writer, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 10599100357
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Question:
Do people feel that the United States is influencing the rest of the
world on how people look, dress and eat? For example, why do
teenagers worldwide dress in American styles and use American-derived
words, expressions and slang, etc.?
POSTED 10/4/99
Rob M., Glasgow, NA, United Kingdom, <robert.mccomick@ukf.net>,
Male, Christian, White/Caucasian, Straight,Mesg ID 9309972816
Responses:
I think it partially has to do with the popularity of the
American media (American movies, music, etc.), which obviously would
spread the mannerisms of their own country. But I guess that still
leaves a sort of chicken-and-egg question of why the American movies,
music, etc. are so popular. Are Americans seen as more interesting or
more fun-loving, or perhaps simply more wealthy?
POSTED 10/5/1999
John J. D., Pittston, PA, United States, <54dziak@cua.edu>, 22,
Male, Student, 4 Years of College , Upper middle class, Mesg ID
10499104501
Yes. It is called cultural imperialism, and we need to be on our
guard against it. It is a shame because we are losing so much
valuable cultural diversity to Hollywood & Co.
POSTED 10/5/1999
C.P., Montreal, Quebec, , Canada, 21, Female, Mesg ID 1049973012
The United States is an economical, military and cultural empire,
just like the Roman empire was 2,000 years ago. The influence by the
Roman empire exists even today. The United States exports its culture
(McDonalds, Levis, Tommy Hilfiger, Halloween, Jordan & Chicago
Bulls, Harley Davidson, American Football, etc.) through the media
(movies and television, music industry, etc.) and through business.
The influence is vast, almost wherever you go in the world. We the
'gentiles' must take the best from their society and reject the bad
things (excessive materialism, arrogance, savage capitalism, cultural
ignorance, superficiality, aggressiveness, etc). We must also uphold
our own values and cultures, like the Latin community is doing in the
United States, making Americans learn Spanish and dance salsa. The
Jewish community has survived many an empire because of this. All
empires throughout history have fallen, and normally they fall from
within, from their own mistakes. Let's make the best of today's Roman
Empire, until the foolish emperors and their supporters come along
and let it fall.
POSTED 10/5/999
Nelson A., Caracas, NA, Venezuela, 30, Male, Catholic,
White/Hispanic, Lawyer/Business, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 1049993910
As an American teenager I traveled to nine foreign countries
(spending an average of 2-6 weeks in each), and have seen firsthand
the American influence in other countries. At first it was a little
flattering, but as I thought about it, I found it was truly sad. In
many places the teenagers choose their clothes and their music
according to what they have been told American teenagers like. Their
impressions of the United States are very often skewed by industry,
or are almost a decade behind. But it has been my experience that
teenagers in foreign countries do have the desire to be as much like
American teenagers as they can.
POSTED 10/5/1999
S., Ann Arbor, MI, United States, 19, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, 2 Years of College, Mesg ID
105199922354
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