Best of the Week
of Oct. 15, 2000
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Oct. 15, 2000, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
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Question:
I've heard that Mormons aren't supposed to have caffeine, but that
they've signed a deal with Coca-Cola, and that now it is OK for them
Mormons to drink Coke products. Is this true?
POSTED 10/17/2000
Tanner H., Laramie, WY, United States, 18, Male, Lutheran,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, High School Diploma, Mesg ID
10170012803
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Question:
My friend makes a lot of comments suggesting he has an interest in
homosexuality. He told me about a study about men's finger-length and
orientation, he's made joking remarks about becoming bisexual, he
pays special attention to gay questions in Savage Love, he 'jokingly'
appreciates pictures of the male body. He also likes to embrace and
lie on my bed with me in his arms, to caress my back, put his hand on
my buttocks, and he lets me touch him, too. But then he also
demonstratively appreciates beautiful women in public, and has been
with his first girlfriend for eight years, and had a couple of sexual
dalliances with other women. My question is, do straight men normally
engage in limited sexual contact with other men? Or is it more likely
that he's a fence-sitter, as I am?
POSTED 10/16/2000
Dont know what to think, Seattle, WA, United States,
<eyenvu@hotmail.com>, 35, Male, White/Caucasian, Straight, 4
Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 10140034824
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Question:
We get a lot of Japanese-from-Japan tourists here in Hawaii, and
something puzzles me. Japanese people appear to love a lot of
American culture. I have friends who are very Caucasian-looking who
have made lots of money modeling in Japanese fashion magazines. Why
hasn't orthodontia become popular in Japan? You see a beautifully
dressed, immaculately made-up young Japanese woman. She opens her
mouth and has the worst snaggle teeth you've ever seen. Their teeth
are clean, just really crooked. Asian people in general seem to have
teeth that are more crooked than other people's teeth. Are their
mouths just too small for the number of teeth they have? Or is it
that Americans are obsessed with teeth?
POSTED 10/16/2000
Maile, Makawao, HI, United States, 19, Female, Methodist, Pacific
Islander, Straight, Student, 4 Years of College , Lower middle class,
Mesg ID 10150085828
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Question:
I am a late-20s Asian male professional in Chicago. I notice that
when Asian men express their sexuality to Caucasian women (i.e.
flirt, jog shirtless, make eye contact or otherwise express
interest), it makes Caucasian women uncomfortable, which is exhibited
in their body language and facial expressions. I realize that some
Caucasian women are not this way, but my question is directed to
those who have this 'problem.' Why are so many Caucasian women
uncomfortable with an Asian male who has a sexual identity?
POSTED 10/16/2000
David, Chicago, IL, United States, <linstirr@earthlink.net>,
27, Male, Agnostic, Asian, Straight, Attorney, Over 4 Years of
College , Upper middle class, Mesg ID 10150041248
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Question:
Within the last year I came in contact with two Russian females. They
are both very similar in personality. They both are bold, feisty,
nosy, hot-tempered and sometimes just flat-out rude. Also, I remember
a famous Russian from TV, Flora from The Real World in Miami, and she
was also what I described above. Is this just coincidence between
these three people, or do Russian females have attitudes, sort of
like the black female? Well, you know, stereotypically.
POSTED 10/16/2000
Jay, Pensacola, FL, United States, 21, Male, Muslim, White/Caucasian,
Bisexual, Less than High School Diploma , Upper middle class, Mesg ID
101600124226
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Question:
I've recently befriended a lesbian colleague. We have become very
close, and I found myself thinking about her romantically. The thing
is, I have always thought of myself as straight. I told her of my
feelings, but she admitted she wasn't attracted to me whatsoever. The
thing I find so confusing is that I know she likes me a lot, and even
told me once that she thinks I look good. So the problem is not my
looks, evidently, and not my personality, either, since we get along
so well. So, I felt extremely hurt that she could not feel the same
about me. Because I'm so confused about my sexual orientation right
now, I can only guess how it is for gays. How can they differentiate
between a friend and a potentail lover? Can a relationship that
starts out as a friendship evolve to more than that? I know this
colleague has several lesbian friends with whom she hasn't been
sexually involved. I've often wondered how she manages to draw the
line. I mean, she loves her friends, but each might be a potential
lover. So how can it be that sex hasn't got in the way? I'd
appreciate it if lesbians would share some of their similar
experiences.
POSTED 10/16/2000
Irene, New York, NY, United States, 28, Female, Jewish,
White/Caucasian, Still not sure of sexual orientation, 4 Years of
College, Mesg ID 10160090404
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Question:
Why is it that Germans have a different liver from other people for
assimilating so much beer?
POSTED 10/13/00
Ghislain B., Namur, Belgium, Mesg ID 10130054740
Responses:
Actually, our livers dont't cope all that well with alcohol.
According to
http://www.alcoholconcern.org.uk/information/factsheets/factsheet27.htm,
cirrhosis deaths are a respectable 21.5/100,000 (presumably per year)
in Germany; the risk to Belgians is about half that, at a total
alcohol consumption that is only 10 percent lower (see
http://fathers.ourfamily.com/alcoholconsume.htm). By the way, it's
not the Germans who drink the most beer per capita but the Czechs
(see http://beerchina.com/beerenglish/comsptn_by_country_en.htm )
POSTED 10/16/2000
Tomas S., Tuebingen, NA, Germany, 38, Male, engineer, Over 4 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 10160014131
We Australians can drink anyone under the table.
POSTED 10/16/2000
Priscilla, Sydney, NA, Australia, 23, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
10160065909
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Question:
Should gays or lesbians try to change their sexual orientation? Are
there any web sites with information about this?
POSTED 10/12/00
Jenn W., Whittier, CA, United States, <jenn_vbgirl@yahoo.com>,
18, Female, Presbyterian, White/Caucasian, Straight, student, High
School Diploma , Upper middle class, Mesg ID 101200120627
Responses:
If someone feels dissatisfied with their lifestyle for whatever
reason, they should examine all the options that are available. If
the individuals want to change, they should be allowed to do so,
hindered by no one. Yes, there are web sites available for those who
want to change. www.imaginethatministries.org is one site that is
available. Exodus International is another group, although I don't
have their web site.
POSTED 10/16/2000
Ronald V., Edmonton, Alberta, NA, Canada, 47, Male, Christian, Mesg
ID 10130025139
Gays and lesbians will always be attracted to people of the same
sex. Despite what the religious right may want us to believe,
homosexuality is not a choice, and once it is there it cannot be
undone. However, it is possible for gays and lesbians to become
attracted to people of the opposite sex as well. I was never happy
being gay, not for religious reasons but because I wanted a family
and kids, and I became quite depressed when my repeated attempts to
stop being attracted to other men failed. But I did manage to
condition myself to be attracted to women as well, and it was by no
means easy. At first I had no interest in women, and now I have been
in a relationship with a woman for seven months. When it became
physical, I was nervous and awkward. But it didn't take long for me
to get used to it. Now I really enjoy the physical aspect of our
relationship, and I find myself checking out other women, too. But I
am also still attracted to men; I just don't act on it. Gays and
lesbians can never become heterosexual, but it is possible for them
to become bisexual if the will is there. They can have meaningful,
fulfilling relationships with members of the opposite sex, but the
attraction to the same sex will never go away.
POSTED 10/16/2000
Robert, London, Ontario, NA, Canada, 29, Male, Atheist, Bisexual,
Mesg ID 10140040253
In my humble opinion, no. In my case, it would just be unnatural
to do so, and I'm happy the way I am. My advice for people who are
unhappy with the gay lifestyle, and there are many, is to reject the
labels and stereotypes, in the same way you would refuse to conform
to the heterosexual 'norm.' Be gay or queer or whatever, but do it
your own way. A famous 'ministry' that aims to encourage gays and
lesbians to change their orientation is at
http://www.exodusnorthamerica.org/ A news story there is worth
reading - Exodus recently had to discipline one of their leaders who
was caught in a gay bar. The methods used by these groups are
controversial, and Exodus is probably more famous for statements made
by 'ex-ex-gays' about them than for any success in really changing
sexual orientation.
POSTED 10/16/2000
Ben S., Sydney, NA, Australia, <bscaro@hotmail.com>, 32, Male,
Buddhist, White/Caucasian, Gay, Investigator, 4 Years of College ,
Lower middle class, Mesg ID 10150085936
Speaking from both personal experience and years of research,
one's sexual orientation (whether gay or straight) is something one
is born with and is therefore unchangeable. While we all have choices
to make in terms of sexual behavior, 'sexual orientation' and 'sexual
behavior' are different things. For instance, if I were not in a
long-term, committed relationship, but instead had decided to be
celibate, I would still have that basic attraction to members of my
own sex, and that is what defines me as a gay man. It is something I
cannot change, and even if I could, at 41 years of age I'd hate to
have to relearn everything.
POSTED 10/16/2000
Chuck A., Spring Hill, WV, United States, <PolishBear@aol.com>,
41, Male, Gay, Mesg ID 101600112956
People should not change sexual orientation, if they are
comfortable with the way they are - whatever is natural for them. (I
was brought up as a Presbyterian as well.)
POSTED 10/16/2000
Priscilla, Sydney, NA, Australia, 23, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
10160065231
If you are uncomfortable with how you feel, then you need to look
for alternatives. If you want to break out, there is a web site
titled www.anotherchanceministries.org This not only applies to
homosexuality, but depression, or any struggle that you might have.
Why do people have to be bound? Jesus came to set all of us free.
POSTED 10/17/2000
A. Valentine, Edmonton, Alberta, NA, Canada, Male, Over 4 Years of
College, Mesg ID 10170022741
You've actually asked a couple of questions. 1) Can people change
their sexual orientation? The answer is that the sex or sexes one is
attracted to is innate and predetermined. Sexual orientation is a
genetically and hormonally determined and God-given trait. People can
control their behavior, but a person who is gay can never have a
fulfilling romantic relationship with someone of the opposite sex
unless he or she is bisexual. Similarly, someone who is heterosexual
can only be fulfilled emotionally and physically by a relationship
with someone of a different sex. 2) Should gay people pretend to be
hetero? Should hetero people try to make themselves gay? No, people
should be themselves. 3) Web sites? A civil rights group, the Human
Rights Campaign (www.hrc.org/) has links to information on the
so-called 'ex-gay groups' that harm people by misleading them,
lowering their self-esteem and inducing self-loathing, and failing to
recognize the basic equality between gay and heterosexual romantic
relationships. By the way, these groups have never succeeded in
changing an individual's orientation.
POSTED 10/17/2000
Frank, Washington, DC, United States, 25, Male, Methodist, white
Southerner, Gay, statistician, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 10170032323
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