Best of the Week
of Dec. 2, 2001
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Dec. 2, 2001, as selected
by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week"
entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s
database using the search form, or, in the
case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in the
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer any questions
relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask any
provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily
meant to represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can
provide a window into the insights of an individual from that
group.
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Question:
Shopping for Christmas gifts for an 8-year-old I could not help
noticing the sudden and sharp differentiation between girls' and
boys' toys starting at about this age group. I find it pathetic. All
girls' toys are ridiculously wrapped in pinkish stuff and center on
mothering or dressing (dolls and accessories), or crafts of the
pretty and cute kind ('Jewels and gifts for your friends!'). Then,
turning around the corner, you seem to enter a different world of
brown, black, silver and plastic: boys' corner! Here you get to
build/buy monsters, dinos, spaceships and machines galore, or fiddle
about with computers and game stations. Also, the challenging types
of games are in the boys' corner as well: inventions, experiments,
programming. I've been in so many department stores and shopping
centers and these impressions are uniform - and uniformly depressing.
I know from several children that this differentiation does not at
all conform to their interests. Girls love to experiment, invent,
construct as well - and yet from a certain age they get discouraged
from it because the outfit clearly is boyish and aims at boys only.
My daughter's school-friends all mope secretly for a Gameboy, yet
they would not be seen dead with one at the same time. No matter how
cute that Pikachu is, a Gameboy is a GameBOY. And why do boys in turn
get discouraged from caring (like they do naturally for their
teddybears) and encouraged instead to play games of endless and often
mindless destruction/construction/destruction? I used to think we
were beyond such ridiculous gender attributions in society, yet when
I enter toy stores here they all are again. How are we to raise these
children as mature, complex, multifaceted individuals when the role
models we offer for their games are so ridiculously confined? I
cannot believe this is all because of the industry banking on that
which sells best. I am sure more differentiated toys and games would
sell as well. Any thoughts?
POSTED 12/5/2001
T., Munich, NA, Germany, 32, Female, Over 4 Years of College,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 1252001121531
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Question:
I have a new friend who is black. I have never been
uncomfortable around black people before, however, recently he and I
were at a play at his college when he confided that he had never been
to a play before. I was surprised because he is one of the smartest
people I have ever met, lived in Cleveland (what us small-towners
call a big city), is well- read and is a history major in a small
liberal arts college near my hometown. I looked at him and shockingly
asked, 'Why?' He turned and said almost angrily, 'Andrea, I'm black!'
I just sat there and watched the play. I know that not all African
Americans are like this, but how should I respond to him the next
time I see him?
POSTED 12/5/2001
Andrea, Mansfield, OH, United States, 20, Female,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, High School Diploma, Middle
class, Mesg ID 1252001101322
Responses:
I go to plays now because when I was a child, I was taken to them
by my parents, schools, etc. Don't assume that just because he's
'smart and from a big city' that he had the same opportunity. It
could be that going to plays wasn't a priority in his family (perhaps
money was a consideration). Rather than be uncomfortable with him
now, try to discuss with him what his explanation 'I'm black' really
means.
POSTED 12/6/2001
E.D., Kansas City, MO, United States, 45, Female, Black/African
American, Mesg ID 126200164944
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Question:
While grocery shopping today, I ran into a white co-worker. She
asked what I was doing, and I replied I was picking out some collard
greens. She said her (white) husband liked greens and also sweet
potato pie, but she implied she had never tasted either, and wouldn't
like to. She is not the first white person I've noticed with this
reaction to traditional African-American foods. Is there a stigma
attached to eating these foods among some white folks?
POSTED 12/3/2001
E.D., Kansas City, MO, United States, 45, Female, Black/African
American, Mesg ID 122200185301
Responses:
It sounds like your white friend is snooty. I can't think of any
other reason she wouldn't at least try collard greens, especially if
her husband likes them. I'm white and like to try foods from all
cultures; Ethiopian food is my favorite in the world...
POSTED 12/5/2001
K., Minneapolis, MN, United States, 32, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Mesg ID 123200191337
I've always thought of collard greens as a Southern or country
food, but never as an ethnic food. I'm white, and my family
frequently had greens of all varieties when I was growing up. Never
had sweet potato pie? Where is your co-worker from? Here, that's as
common as pumpkin pie during the holiday season.
POSTED 12/5/2001
Todd, Gastonia, NC, United States, 38, Male, White/Caucasian, Gay,
Network Administrator, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
125200182301
Many people are suspicious of foods they're not used to. Your
co-worker seems to be among them.
POSTED 12/6/2001
Rick, Springfield, OH, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 125200172050
It's not a snooty thing. It's just that when you don't know much
about soul food, and what you do know is eating crawdad soup, pig's
feet and chitlins, you tend to get scared away pretty easily, because
it is like eating scavenger food -leftover parts, which is its origin
- eating what the white people discarded - and some people still
think of all soul food that way. As far as sweet potato pie, white
people's sweet potatoes are eaten once a year, at Thanksgiving, with
brown sugar and marshmallows. I've never been able to stomach it. But
when I reluctantly ate sweet potato pie over a lot of protest, I was
amazed how good it was, much better than pumpkin. Concerning greens:
again, most greens, like cabbage, dandelion greens, etc., are either
not that good, due to overcooking, lack of spices or bitterness. But
when someone made them for me Cajun style, they were great. White
people just grow up with parents overcooking brussel sprouts, cabbage
and other greens, or making black-eyed peas with no spices, and it
makes a world of difference. My friend and I always laugh at
Thanksgiving when we go into the market: Black people have greens,
white people have broccoli.
POSTED 12/6/2001
Craig, Minneapolis, MN, United States, 38, Male, Mesg ID
126200113306
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Question:
In a society that has recently seen the advent of 'love it or
leave it' types, I want to know what everyone considers patriotism.
Is it being concerned with your country and its well-being? Is it
fighting for freedom? Is it thinking as an individual for the
betterment of your country? Is it nationalism? Is it standing with
your government for better or worse?
POSTED 12/3/2001
Seamus, Charlestown, MA, United States, Male, Mesg ID
11302001105500
Responses:
After having witnessed Sept. 11, 2001, with my own eyes, I feel
it is everything you mentioned. Prior to '911,' I considered myself a
liberal Democrat, but after the last three months, I am more of a
'hawkish' political conservative, viewing America's protection of its
citizens and way of life as something to defend to the death. If it
has come to a choice between the United States and them, I am on the
side of the United States. I can't really explain to you what it has
been like to be alive and see so many people die just because they
were Americans.
POSTED 12/6/2001
Matthew, New York City, NY, United States, 43, Male, Gay, Middle
class, Mesg ID 125200151130
To most American Indians, patriotism means something very
different. Since citizenship was forced upon us, many of us have
never considered ourselves U.S. citizens. We are citizens of
sovereign tribal nations, period. Many even enlist in the military as
foreign nationals. We are bound to the United States by treaties of
obligation and friendship. We honor those treaties and uphold them,
even if the United States has rarely done the same. Some natives
consider themselves dual citiznes of both the United States and their
tribal nation. Probably the only natives who consider themselves
'just Americans' are those who are mostly white who had one Indian
ancestor way back when.
The biggest part of patriotism for us is defending the land that
we regard as sacred, not any political system - and sure as hell not
any of the goals of any of the wars we've fought in.
POSTED 12/6/2001
A.C.C., Phoenix, AZ, United States, Male, Mexican and American
Indian, Grad student, ex-Army, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
125200194520
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Question:
In other countries, is it OK not to accept gifts? Or is it
considered rude if they are not accepted?
POSTED 12/3/2001
Kelly, Chicago, IL, United States, 20, Female, White/Caucasian,
student, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 1212001103604
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Question:
This is for any American: I'm a Mexican living in Mexico City.
Two weeks ago I had a business meeting in Atlanta. This trip turned
out to be the most traumatic experience of my life. I was walking in
a mall when a group of men mistook me for an Arab. They started to
yell and abuse me in the most profane language they knew. I just
walked away without responding. I never expected this of the American
people. I've been thinking about this a lot after my return home. Is
American society just flat ignorant or racist? Can anyone enlighten
me?
POSTED 11/30/2001
Omar G., Mexico City, NA, Mexico, Male, Catholic,
Hispanic/Latino, Over 4 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID
1129200125558
Responses:
As with any other country that contains humans, we have many who
are ignorant. I don't think most think of themselves as racist. My
best guess is that these guys are just not too bright. They're angry
and probably scared by recent incidents and don't have the ability to
go within their thoughts and think about things, and/or they don't
have reasonably intelligent friends and family with whom they could
discuss their feelings.
POSTED 12/3/2001
K., Minneapolis, MN, United States, Mesg ID 1222001102200
Gee, when I spent time in Mexico a few years ago, a cab driver
asked me to have sex with him, people on the street routinely called
me 'gordita,' which I find rather rude, and I was followed around by
men I didn't know on several occasions, sometimes with them
requesting sex from me. Is Mexican society rude and disrespectful of
women? No, just some individuals. Same with America ... and just
about every country I have ever visited.
POSTED 12/5/2001
Lori, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 41, Female, White/Caucasian,
Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 123200152953
America is angry. Not all Americans are alike. You met some angry,
ignorant people. Sorry, but times are different. Nerves are more on
the surface, inhibiting the editing of 'thought-to-mouth' impulses.
POSTED 11/30/2001
Matthew, New York City, NY, United States, 43, Male, actor, Middle
class, Mesg ID 1130200153307
Some Americans ARE just ignorant or racist, yes. But please don't
lump all Americans in with those idiots who yelled at you. Most of us
can tell the difference between a Latino and an Arab. I'm sure you
can understand why Americans are a bit uptight of late, but that
doesn't excuse their behavior. I'm sorry you had such a horrible
experience. We're not all like that. I promise!
POSTED 11/30/2001
Shari, Canton, MI, United States, 30, Female, White/Caucasian, 4
Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 1130200180553
Omar, be assured that the vast majority of Americans abhor this
kind of bigotry. Please accept my apology on behalf of all decent
Americans for the treatment you received by a group of ignorant
racists in Atlanta.
POSTED 11/30/2001
Bill, Burlington, VT, United States, 43, Male, White/Caucasian,
Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 1130200192938
Many people are just plain ignorant, anywhere. If I were you, I
would have fought back, unless there were a bunch of them and they
seemed dangerous. Americans aren't anymore ignorant than anyone else.
I am somewhat sure that a lot of hate groups operate in Atlanta,
though. Do you remember what these people look like? You should
report them.
POSTED 11/30/2001
Vincenzo, Small town in Saskatchewan, NA, Canada, 17, Male,
White/Caucasian, Straight, musician, Less than High School Diploma,
Middle class, Mesg ID 11302001104827
It used to be we knew that, to racist Anglos, 'todos somos
illegales,' we were all seen as wetbacks. Now we have to worry about
being attacked for 'looking Arab,' too. Over here we've had a rash of
hate crimes against anyone 'Arab looking,' including the murder of an
East Indian Sikh who was killed because a hateful idiot thought his
turban meant he was Arab. The guy was screaming, 'I'm a patriot, why
aren't you killing all the damned Arabs!' as the police hauled him
away. Sept. 11 has brought out the worst in Americans in a lot of
ways. Most Mexicans and American Indian males I know decided to shave
off any facial hair they have to avoid being mistaken for Arab.
Plenty of foreign exchange students have left, travel only in groups
now or wear clothing with American flags or sports teams to try and
stave off attacks. One poll I saw said two-fifths of all Americans
support the deportation or internment of all Arabs and Muslims in the
country. Yes, there are plenty of hateful and ignorant people here.
It's one of the biggest reasons I enjoy visiting Latin America so
much, since I'm treated far better there than here. But I also know
there are plenty of good people here as well, and this is the land of
my ancestors and family. Even Bush Jr., as much I think he is an
idiot and dead wrong about virtually everything else, showed a better
side of America when he came out against the wave of prejudice
sweeping the country when his father had stood by and encouraged it
during the Gulf War and had the FBI targeting Middle Eastern people.
We have our David Dukes and Strom Thurmonds, but we have our Dr.
Kings and Cesar Chavezes as well. I don't judge all of Mexico by its
crooked and brutal cops and racist, upper-class criollos. The idiots
who attacked you represent part of America, but not all of it. Just
remember to be careful, and get their sorry asses sent to jail if
anyone tries anything like that to you again.
POSTED 11/30/2001
A.C.C., Phoenix, AZ, United States, Male, Mexican and American
Indian, Mesg ID 11302001123332
There is a lot of variation in U.S. society, so much so that it is
basically impossible to say American society is like this or like
that. There are Americans who are ignorant and racist, but most
Americans are not. Unfortunately, you seem to have run into some of
them. I don't believe these people are representative of Americans in
general, and I hope this experience won't deter you from coming here
again. Regardless of where you go, there will be good and bad people.
It's true in the United States, in Mexico, and all over the world.
POSTED 11/30/2001
Lucy, San Jose, CA, United States, 27, Female, Hispanic/Latino,
Engineer, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 1130200111613
You will find segments of American society that are ignorant and
racist, but most people are quite tolerant. It sounds like you just
ran into a few of the first type. Although this doesn't justify the
treatment you received, the most likely explanation is that emotions
are running very high right now due to recent events and they were
looking for someone to lash out at.
POSTED 12/3/2001
Trudy, San Jose, CA, United States, 19, Female, Mormon, Straight,
Student, 2 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID
1212001100822
As with any other country that contains humans, we have many who
are ignorant. I don't think most think of themselves as racist. My
best guess is that these guys are just not too bright. They're angry
and probably scared by recent incidents and don't have the ability to
go within their thoughts and think about things, and/or they don't
have reasonably intelligent friends and family with whom they could
discuss their feelings.
POSTED 12/3/2001
K., Minneapolis, MN, United States, Mesg ID 1222001102200
Gee, when I spent time in Mexico a few years ago, a cab driver
asked me to have sex with him, people on the street routinely called
me 'gordita,' which I find rather rude, and I was followed around by
men I didn't know on several occasions, sometimes with them
requesting sex from me. Is Mexican society rude and disrespectful of
women? No, just some individuals. Same with America ... and just
about every country I have ever visited.
POSTED 12/5/2001
Lori, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 41, Female, White/Caucasian,
Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 123200152953
To Lori: They were not being rude. It's common in Latin culture to
comment on physical appearance. Adding the 'ita' or 'ito' on the end
of it signifies an intention to regard your physical traits as
endearing or cute, such as morenita (little brown one) flaquita (slim
little one) or guerita (fair-skinned little one). It has no more an
offensive or rude intent than someone in the United States saying
'lefty.' Lots of Mexican men find voluptuous or full-figured women
very appealing, and they were probably trying to flirt with you. It's
a shame you didn't know more about the culture before you completely
misjudged what was happening to you. You might try something very
common sense like asking people what they mean by a comment instead
of projecting your own cultural presumptions upon it next time. As
for the sex comments, here's something that might surprise you:
Americans have a reputation in Mexico for being oversexed, probably
because so many of them come to the border towns looking for cheap
prostitutes. Blame American males for that.
POSTED 12/5/2001
A.C.C., Phoenix, AZ, United States, Male, Mexican and American
Indian, Grad student, ex-Army, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
125200195650
People posting here are living a delusion. It's easy to say that
only a few 'ignorant' Americans are racist (or more simply and
fittingly put, 'hateful' ) when you're not one of the people racism
is directed at. Fooling yourself into beliveing that only 'ignorant
rednecks' are racist just lets you feel superior and comfortable in
your ivory tower. Plenty of doctors, lawyers, physicists, politicians
and other highly educated people are racists, and you cannot call
them ignorant. Sept. 11 didn't bring anybody together, it just tossed
one more group on the hate pile. I believe that all of the American
majority is racist. It's to a much higher degree in some, and not so
apparent in others. Being the whipping post for the majority,
minorities think in racist ways, too. I saw a group of Asian men
playing basketball this past week. It reminded me of all the
commotion that occurs when someone tries to start a midnight
basketball program for young blacks, to give them some direction. If
a group of blacks play basketball, they're a dangerous gang, but if
anyone else does it, it's community bonding.
POSTED 12/6/2001
Nathan, Seattle, WA, United States, 35, Male, Black/African
American, science, 2 Years of College, Lower class, Mesg ID
1262001122100
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Question:
It could be my imagination, but I'm white and have noticed that
girls of different races are much more attracted to me than white
girls. I would never ask this in real life because people would be
like, 'Yeah, right, you wish,' but I know it's true. Is there a
certain kind of white guy they prefer? Is it my un-hostile, nice
attitude? My physical features? Or is it my imagination?
POSTED 12/3/2001
Chris, Seattle, WA, United States, 18, Male, White/Caucasian,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 121200110857
Responses:
I would hazard to guess that they sense you are someone who is
more interested in the person they are rather than the color (or lack
of) of their skin. You are probably easy to talk to, not afraid of
being honest and like women in general. We women are quick to pick up
on men who are apt to respect us and treat us as if we are more than
a body - even if our body happens to not be so good. I am a
45-year-old black woman, and my husband is a 35-year-old white male.
It was the qualities mentioned above that attracted me to him. He
also was not afraid of what others thought when we were together and
took no notice of the stares we would sometimes elicit. Him being so
at ease with me, no matter where we were, was very endearing. We have
been together for 10 years, have two sons, and I am still crazy about
him.
POSTED 12/5/2001
Donna P., Waterford, CT, United States, 45, Female, African
Methodist Episcopalian, Black/African American, Straight, 2 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 1242001102034
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Question:
I've found that when I'm with my friends, masturbation is a
common subject, and none of us feels uncomfortable about it. When the
subject came up with a female friend, however, she said it was
disgusting, and when I questioned her about the acceptance of it
among girls, she said that anyone admitting to it was made an outcast
- and that almost none of them do it, obviously including her. But
she then said that they find it acceptable among boys. So I'm
wondering: Do girls do it as much as boys? And why is it such an
ackward subject?
POSTED 12/3/2001
Phil, Kent, NA, United Kingdom, Male, Atheist, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Mesg ID 1232001121215
Responses:
All my ex-girlfriends have admitted to masturbating. We did a
survey in my sexual behavior class, and it showed that the majority
of females masturbate or have masturbated, but they by no means do it
with the frequency that men do.
POSTED 12/5/2001
Shifty, Mobile, AL, United States, Mesg ID 125200112552
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Question:
To African Americans and Asians: What comes into your mind when
you think of the physical characteristics of white people?
POSTED 11/27/2001
Bobby, Portland, OR, United States, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Upper class, Mesg ID
1124200130049
Responses:
Just off the top of my head, without trying to be PC
all-inclusive: Varying hair colors and textures from white to black,
stick-straight and fine to curly and coarse; varying eye colors from
blue to black; red-faced when angry, embarrassed or after exertion;
flatter bottom, no matter what their weight; men hairier than black
men or Asians, i.e. fingers and toes, chests, legs, backs; and lots
of people with very small lips.
POSTED 11/30/2001
Jennifer, St. Paul, MN, United States, 31, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, Non-Profit, 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 1128200192233
Fair skin. That's it, really. I have a lot of friends of varying
ethnic backgrounds, and come to think of it, my closest white friends
are actually blond. But no, it's not hair color that comes to mind,
just fair skin. And I know that's not a characteristic typical of all
whites, but it answers your question, I hope.
POSTED 11/30/2001
Sarah C., San Francisco, CA, United States, 24, Female, Agnostic,
Asian, student/retail/illustration, 4 Years of College, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 11282001115145
To me, most white people considered beautiful by white standards
are just ... nasty. Their butt is way too flat (I am not an advocate
of a big booty, but a little flesh wouldn't hurt). The body is almost
waif-like. The ones I consider beautiful are a little more curvy and
woman-like.
POSTED 11/30/2001
Jasper, Dallas, TX, United States, 28, Male, Mesg ID 1129200182319
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