Best of the Week
of Dec. 31, 2000
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Dec. 31, 2000, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
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Question:
This may seem like an odd question but I really thought I could
get the answer on Y? Forum: I recently watched Desperately Seeking
Susan with Madonna, and I really aspire to be like her. Could anyone
tell me what 'group' she might have been categorized in (her
character, anyway), as I really love this '80s style and want to know
what she was in terms of stereotypical-ness.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Louise, Seaward, NA, United Kingdom,
<mattsea@hotmail.com>, 16, Female
Mesg ID 1215200025650
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Question:
Do men find a hugely muscular female bodybuilder a turn-off? If
so, is this because they feel threatened?
POSTED 1/4/2001
David S., Coventry, NA, United Kingdom, 21, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Centre sales, 2 Years of College , Lower
middle class
Mesg ID 1224200061322
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Question:
What does it mean, in the disabilities/challenges nomenclature,
to be a 'Highly Sensitive Person'?
POSTED 10/18/2000
Deb, Seattle, WA, United States, 42, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 1018200051253
Responses:
It means we have no way of blocking out stimuli. I get 'sensory
overload' from environments most people would consider fun: an
amusement park, party, mall, concert. It's like our senses are set
higher than other people's, and with no "off" switch. Bright lights,
noise, strong smells and too many human energies can trigger extreme
fight-or-flight responses, stress and anxiety. Because of this I have
chosen to live far out in the woods, away from artificial stimuli and
smells, in a sparsely decorated cabin. Now I am happy and at peace. I
choose to go to town and pick my activities carefully. My friends
understand that I sometimes need to go away and recharge, but that I
will come back. I just have a lower tolerance for input than most
people. I do not consider this a disability, just something I need to
be aware of.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Juno R., Swisshome, OR, United States, <gofish@presys.com>,
38, Female, Pagan, White/Caucasian, Straight, mechanic/musician, High
School Diploma , Lower class
Mesg ID 1231200044044
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Question:
Does it hurt to have anal sex?
POSTED 1/4/2001
Happy Love Camp, Boston, MA, United States
Mesg ID 12292000113111
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Question:
I often hear about the 12 tribes of Israel. What are these 12
tribes? Do they still exist? Is there a good on-line source to learn
more? I heard recently that the 'Ashkeazi' (sp) is one of the tribes.
True? Needless to say I am not Jewish; I was raised Roman Catholic
and am interested in comparative religious studies.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Chris F., Kenosha, WI, United States,
<felsham@acronet.net>, 42, Female, ELCA Lutheran,
White/Caucasian, Straight, at-home mom, Over 4 Years of College ,
Upper middle class
Mesg ID 13200162101
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Question:
What does it mean when people say someone is "high
maintenance"?
POSTED 12/11/2000
D. Williams, Miami, FL, United States, 18, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, High School Diploma , Middle class
Mesg ID 1130200025303
Responses:
It's a term lazy, non-communicative men made up because they
don't know and/or don't care how to please a woman. They are only
concerned about themselves. When a man mentions the phrase
"high-maintenance," I get away from him instantly. Anything valued
and worth having, in my book, is high-maintenance.
POSTED 12/19/2000
Anonymous, n/a, FL, United States, 38, Female
Mesg ID 12172000110901
I�ve heard the �H.M.U.� (�High Maintenance Unit�) phrase used in a
couple of settings. The first setting was from an acquaintance who
provided guide services for an adventure sport outfitter. When a
client/adventurer was labeled �H.M.U.,� it was because they required
an inordinate amount of attention, energy and pampering. The woman
who was carried up (and back down) Everest during the disastrous
climb described in Into Thin Air comes to mind. The other time I have
heard the phrase �H.M.U.� was when another acquaintance was lamenting
the amount of time, energy and emotional-tiptoeing required by a
fragile �friend� who was sucking all the energy and life out of their
relationship. I think H.M.U.�s could fairly be regarded as the
equivalent of psychological and emotional black holes, consuming much
more energy than they release.
POSTED 1/3/2001
Cheryl, New Haven, CT, United States, Female, Humanist,
Occassional adventurer, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 13200110552
'High Maintenance' is a term used to describe selfish, spoiled,
self-centered women who pout and moan when they don't get their way.
The term is a reference to the effort needed to maintain a
relationship. There is normal effort, and there is extraordinary
effort. It is the extraordinary effort that leads to high
maintenance.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Pat, Troy, MI, United States, 31, Male, White/Caucasian, Straight,
Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 1220200024105
It basically means that a woman (or man - yes, there are high
maintenance men) requires a lot of money to keep themselves at the
standard they desire. Examples: women who spend money every week or
so for their hair, nails, clothes, etc., when all that is so
superficial; someone who demands to be taken to expensive places when
a pizza and a walk in the park is sufficient. In other words,
spoiled.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Kali, Sacramento, CA, United States, 45, Female
Mesg ID 1220200053450
The term 'high maintenance' is a good, old-fashioned engineering
phrase used to describe equipment that needs constant attention in
order to run. It is not considered a good thing. In human relations,
it means exactly the same. It denotes someone or some relationship
that needs constant attention in order to thrive. We all experience
it. With some people, building trust seems effortless, and with
others, we need to provide constant reassurance. One would suspect
that Hillary Clinton considers her relationship with Bill Clinton
'high maintenance.' In more general slang, most guys consider their
girlfriends or wives as high maintenance and their
golfing/fishing/drinking buddies as low maintenance.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Steve, Houston, TX, United States, 44, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Engineer, of course, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle
class
Mesg ID 1220200091843
When my friends use the term it can be used for either a male or
female. It means an individual who can never go with the flow, always
has to be the center of attention, creates his or her own crisis day
after day, and in general is exasperating to be around.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Dennis, Boston, MA, United States, 42, Male, White/Caucasian, Gay,
Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 12212000125328
I object to Anonymous' male-bashing response. Let's keep this
board civil.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Bill, The land of civility, VT, United States, 42, Male,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Father/Husband, Over 4 Years of College ,
Middle class
Mesg ID 1221200015155
I agree with Anonymous: men use this to attach a negative
connotation to a woman who has a lot going for her. They believe they
have to invest more of their time, energy and money to keep her happy
than they want to. These are usually the type of men who simply want
to 'creep' and are not interested in building a stable, long-term
relationship. They want to play around with several women without
actually having to (gasp) date them and spend a significant amount of
time with them. I was slapped with this label a few years ago, and at
first I resented it because I didn't understand it, either. Now, I
say, 'Yes, I am high maintenance.' Let them think what they want.
Trust me, by the time you're my age, you'll see that comments like
that are made by insecure people who envy whatever you have going for
you.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Cindy, Topeka, KS, United States, 35, Female, African Methodist
Episcopalian, Black/African American, Straight, Manager, Over 4 Years
of College , Upper middle class
Mesg ID 1222200065527
It is a term used by either gender to describe someone who is
usually very self-centered. High maintenance people usually are
unable or unwilling to contribute fully to the relationship. Think of
a piece of machinery that always has to be coaxed along to get it to
do its job and you will have an idea of high maintenance.
POSTED 1/4/2001
James, Tucson, AZ, United States, Male, White/Caucasian, Straight,
health care, Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 1222200094930
To Anonymous: That is wrong. It has nothing to do with how to
please a woman. I don't understand why people have to bring gender
into everything. High maintenance simply refers to oneself or one's
partner requiring a lot of attention in order to be happy. It could
be in the form of physical and emotional attention, or the need to
buy lots of gifts for that person to keep him or her happy. I hear
the term used more often in the gay community than the straight
community (as in 'I have a high maintenance boyfriend'). And it's not
always something bad that one needs to run away from. Some people
just require that they are fawned over a little bit more in order to
feel accepted in a relationship.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Don, Vancouver, British Columbia, NA, Canada, 28, Male,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Upper middle class
Mesg ID 1224200050234
A high-maintenance person makes lots of demands on others in terms
of time, money, energy or attention. Someone with a chronic health
problem could be high maintenance. So could someone who is simply
spoiled. As 'Anonymous' suggests, a woman might be unjustly dismissed
by a man as high-maintenance just because he's too self-centered to
give of himself to even a normal degree. Do keep in mind that
'Anonymous' was unfortunately speaking more to her own
disillusionment than to the spirit of your original question.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Jerry, Atlanta, GA, United States, <bookjer@mindspring.com>,
58, Male, Agnostic, White/Caucasian, Straight, Voice Talent, Over 4
Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 1225200032656
High maintenance is one of many car/woman metaphors that men have
come up with over the years. A high-maintenance woman, like a car of
the same persuasion, is one that doesn't function without a lot of
pampering. This means that regular unleaded fuel (home-cooked meals
and average restaurants) is not enough. You have to go out to
expensive restaurants and 'dress up.' Regular-weight oil (being civil
and nice) is not enough to grease her pistons; you need to buy lots
of flowers and spend lots of money and time on gifts. Overall, a
high-maintenance woman is generally thought of as being very
expensive and time-consuming. The only reason someone would get
involved with one is if she's 'worth it' (i.e. has a good body - I
mean chassis.)
POSTED 1/4/2001
Brian, Peru, IN, United States, 25, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, management, 4 Years of College , Middle
class
Mesg ID 1227200012341
High-maintenance is a term I and many of my friends use to
describe a female's desire and need to have high-end, expensive
things all the time. I don't belive it has anything to do with a
male's lack of consideration or lack of concern. The female is simply
drawn to these things and in most cases will refuse to be with a male
who cannot offer them.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Tavares, Chicago, IL, United States, Male, Black/African American
Mesg ID 1227200043952
'High-maintenance' is a matter of perception. It is when you
believe that a person demands a lot of emotional and material
attention, but you don't feel like they are giving you enough in
return. It is a hurtful situation because you are afraid the person
will leave you if you stop giving, but your own needs are not being
met. Because men are often in the role of wage-earner and protector,
usually it is men who feel this way.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Damien, Boston, MA, United States, 29, Male, White/Caucasian,
Computer technician, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 12292000110812
It refers to women who require constant attention from their
lovers to the point at which their lover takes on the appearance of a
personal servant. It is synonymous with the term 'princess.'
POSTED 1/4/2001
Justin, Chicago, IL, United States, 26, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, file clerk, 2 Years of College , Lower middle class
Mesg ID 1229200044504
To Anonymous: I beg to differ with your response. When I think of
a 'high maintenance' woman, I think MONEY. When I hear a woman talk
this way, I run, because all she thinks about is my wallet. My heart
is bigger; so is my love.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Harvey, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 47, Male, Catholic,
Black/African American, Straight, sales, 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 1230200013627
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Question:
Why do black women overlook or disregard black men in
wheelchairs? Every man in a wheelchair is not helpless.
POSTED 1/4/2001
D.L. Hollis, Carbondale, IL, United States,
<NasD247@aol.com>, Male, Christian, Black/African American,
Straight, Paralyzed, student, Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 12272000125257
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Question:
I am in a relationship with a woman who has had lesbian
experiences. She tells me I am great in bed. She tells me the only
way she can have an orgasm is by oral sex or other means. But one
time I felt her ejaculation come out, but she didn't recognize it. My
question is, do lesbian experiences make a woman ignorant about or
unfamiliar with experiences with a man?
POSTED 1/4/2001
Mike M., Huber Heights, OH, United States,
<songtus@yahoo.com>, 18, Male
Mesg ID 1225200030437
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Question:
I am researching the American addiction to chewing gum and am
astounded by the similarities to drug addiction. I was taught that
gum chewing at work was unprofessional and unladylike, yet I know
several people who cannot function at work without gum in their
mouths that they are constantly popping and cracking. I recently
watched two well-paid telemarketers lose their jobs due to their
refusal to not chew gum while serving customers on the phone. I also
watched a young lady walk into a job interview chewing gum and then
wonder why she didn't get the job. Several teachers tell me this is
one of the primary problems they have in classrooms. The anger and
defiance attached to this behavior leads me to believe it's an
addiction, not a habit. Can anyone explain this?
POSTED 1/4/2001
Alma, Kempner, TX, United States, 47, Female, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Lesbian, unemployed, 4 Years of College , Lower
middle class
Mesg ID 12292000100744
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Question:
I'm a white male raised primarily around whites, but I've seen
and interacted with people of many races. I have no hatred or reason
to look down on other races, but when I encounter a group of black,
Hispanic or Asian men, I feel somewhat inferior. I worry what they
think about me, and I assume they don't like me or find me annoying.
I can never truly express my sense of humor - this may sound petty,
but I feel un-hip, like a joke to them. I am the stupid honky to
them. Do black or Asian or Hispanic people notice this behavior in
white men? Do any whites feel similar?
POSTED 12/19/2000
Jeff, Edmonton, Alberta, NA, Canada, 18, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, High School Diploma , Middle class
Mesg ID 1217200021203
Responses:
I am a black woman in her twenties, and in my case, I just like
people who are themselves. Don't feel inferior to anyone; you were
born like everyone else, and you are going to die like everyone else.
Of course, I can't speak for all minorites, but I can speak for a
small group of people I call my friends, who are all colors. We may
not get each others' jokes all the time, but who does?
POSTED 1/3/2001
Ci-Ci, Long Beach, CA, United States, Female, Black/African
American
Mesg ID 112001101049
That's just their way of feeling superior. It's a subtle little
way that black and Spanish people practice their own racism. Same way
white people might act aloof and snobby; same song, different tune ya
know? You probably are the 'dumb honky' to them, but don't ever let
yourself think that.
POSTED 1/3/2001
Seamus, Charlestown, MA, United States, <madskat@home.com>,
22, Male, Student, High School Diploma , Lower class
Mesg ID 112001122754
You should not worry what others think about you. I have been
raised in a predominantly black area, and I sometimes feel strange
around white people. I have some of same thoughts around whites as
you do around blacks: do they like me, are they scared of me, do they
think I'm stupid, etc. It's not just you. The same thoughts going
through your head could be the same thing the other person is
thinking. All I can say is just be yourself. Being 'hip' does not lie
in a person's race or background. What's hip to one person can be
corny to another person, and vice versa. If you have to change the
way you act around somebody just to get them to like you, it's not
worth it.
POSTED 1/3/2001
Mike, Detroit, MI, United States, 20, Male, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, Student, High School Diploma
Mesg ID 12200191855
The reason you feel like that is that you're insecure about
yourself. Why else would you be thinking these things? Only you
should worry about what you think about yourself. I also think you're
insecure about your ethnicity. What kind of white-boy are 'ya? Is it
also because blacks, Hispanics and Asians have some kind of history
behind their culture, and you feel you don't? Look into your culture,
see what type of Europeans you're made of and find out about them,
then maybe you'll feel a little better about yourself when you come
into contact with people of other races/ethnicities.
POSTED 1/3/2001
Jay C., Orange County, CA, United States, 22, Male, Catholic,
Filipino
Mesg ID 1220200055938
My response is in regard to those of your age group. I suspect
there may be those who think of you as the 'stupid honky' when you
come around, but to defeat that stereotype you will have to get to
know one or two individuals from the Asian and black communities on a
one-to-one basis. Then gradually get to know that person's friends
and build more friends as you go. After several Asians and/or blacks
get to know you as an individual and for who you are, you will no
longer be the 'stupid honky.' You may even get an upgrade to a
'cool-ass white dude' whom Asians or blacks will like to have as a
friend. It will take effort and open-mindedness. Some of my best
friends and co-workers are young, middle-class white men. I had to
make the effort to get to know them, and visa versa. Not everyone is
going to be open to getting to know you, so don't take it personally
if they call you names, etc. Just go on to the next person. It is
well worth the effort.
POSTED 1/3/2001
Geraldine, Columbus, OH, United States, 43, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, Government Worker, 4 Years of
College , Middle class
Mesg ID 1221200011255
Do black or Asian or Hispanic people notice this behavior in white
men? Yes, I think so. Do any whites feel similar? I do. Even at my
best, I never feel completely comfortable around blacks. I often have
to remind myself, 'Relax, it's only a black guy.' But at the same
time, I don't think this is mere paranoia. Issues of race are always
just below the surface of any interracial encounter, and in the midst
of any conversation with a black person, I wonder if it's possible to
have a genuine conversation without addressing race.
POSTED 1/3/2001
Justin, Chicago, IL, United States, 26, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, file clerk, Lower middle class
Mesg ID 1229200050207
I am a black female who goes to a predominantly white college. I
see this all the time. But if you act like yourself, they won't
notice your color as much as they notice your personality and who you
are. It is when you don't act like who you really are that people
will look at you as the dumb white guy or the guy who is trying to
fit in. People can always tell when you are not being real. Relax and
don't think too much. Funny people are appreciated, no matter the
color.
POSTED 1/3/2001
J. Akintomide, Jamaica, Queens, NY, United States, 21, Female,
Lutheran, Black/African American, Straight, Full-time student, 4
Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 1230200012838
Jeff, I think you need to relax. I think that the majority of
folks are struggling to make things happen in their lives and aren't
too concerned with thinking too much about others (most of the time).
If you are really worried about how you come off to others, ask a
close male friend who's known you a while what he thinks. Then watch
how men of different backgrounds interact with one another and select
what behaviors would work for you and model yourself after that,
adding your own personal twist. Good luck (you seem all right to me)!
POSTED 1/3/2001
Sammi, Boston, MA, United States, 35, Female, New
Age/Metaphysical, Black/African American, Straight, Office Manager, 2
Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 13200194642
I am a white male and feel exactly as you do in these situations.
I, too, assume (most likely incorrectly) that black people don't like
me or consider me a nuisance. I realize this is 'racial paranoia' on
my part and an unfair perception, but I can't help it. I feel like a
complete dork when I'm around even one black person. Like you, I
would greatly appreciate thoughts on this issue from black, Hispanic
and Asians readers.
POSTED 1/4/2001
J.B., Augusta, GA, United States, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 142001103243
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Question:
Why do Americans feel so strongly about the right to bear arms?
Is the United States not the only country with such a law among the
G20?
POSTED 12/19/2000
Walter P., Montreal, Quebec, NA, Canada, 37, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Engineer, Over 4 Years of College , Upper
middle class
Mesg ID 12192000100550
Responses:
Briefly, I think it is a matter of distrusting government. In
Texas, we are 1 for 2 in disposing of odious governments: we disposed
of Santa Anna, a singular service to Mexico, and we gave the Federal
Government a good fight in the 1860s. If you include ancestral
rebellions, we are 2 for 3, having sent King George's men back to
torment the Irish. That we have had sufficient concensus in two
centuries to think three governments odious enough to merit armed
rebellion either demonstrates a consistent bad attitude or a rational
basis for our distrust.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Walter, Austin, TX, United States, 51, Male, Jewish,
White/Caucasian, Straight, getting old, historian, Over 4 Years of
College , Lower middle class
Mesg ID 1221200050917
As a rule, Americans don't like anyone telling them anything. I
think this is a situation where genetics and culture are intertwined.
Basically, whites came over here (from England, Ireland, Germany,
etc.) because they either didn't like being told to pay taxes or
worship a certain way. Blacks were hauled over here against their
will, Native Americans were slaughtered as a result of Manifest
Destiny and Asians came here to get away from oppressive dynastic
regimes. What this makes for is a group of people who typically
resent all types of authority. The most die-hard NRA advocates will
tell you that they oppose gun-control because they don't want the
government telling them what to do, because 'If you let them take
this, what's next?' There is also a strong degree of
anti-intellectualism in America that stems from its roots as a haven
for start-up capitalists. Capitalists, as a rule, don't like
government interference with anything, and once again, if you let
them take your guns, control of your business is next. White
descendants of our country's Revolutionaries, immigrants from
oppressive nations, descendents of slaves and Manifest
Destiny-victims all have inherited a legacy of distrust for the
government. Those opposing gun control want to keep the ability to
fight off whoever they think it is they need to.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Brian, Peru, IN, United States, 25, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, management, 4 Years of College , Middle
class
Mesg ID 1227200013404
The right to bear arms is so central to American values because it
is how we won our independence, and the writers of the Constitution
guaranteed that we would retain it. Without it, we wouldn't have the
power to defend ourselves from criminals or tyrants. It is listed
among our basic liberties such as freedom of speech because it is the
right that secures all our other rights.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Trudy, San Jose, CA, United States, 18, Female, Mormon,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, 2 Years of College , Upper middle
class
Mesg ID 1229200065327
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Question:
Why do people say "axed" instead of "asked"? Is this a
deliberate changing of the word, or has it just been mispronounced
for a really, really long time? Also, what is going on with "hisself"
instead of "himself"?
POSTED 12/19/2000
Tina G., Birmingham, MI, United States,
<tinag@hfmgv.org>, 24, Female, Atheist, White/Caucasian,
Exhibit designer, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 12182000102733
Responses:
This is not a deliberate thing. It's just a bad case of
mispronunciation. I am African American and hear these words used
quite often. A lot of the time in my community, people are not
concerned with pronunciation, and if you understand what message is
being relayed, or what question is being asked, we generally don't
correct grammar. In your question, you asked 'Why do 'people' say
axed instead of asked?' I wonder what PEOPLE you were referring to.
Don't worry, this is Y? Forum, where you can be as open as you want.
I hate to say this, but stereotypically, you hear these
mispronunciations from many inner-city folk. It's not necessarily
that they haven't learned proper grammar; it may just be
second-nature from using them so much.
POSTED 1/3/2001
Erika, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 30, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, Grad Student, Over 4 Years of
College , Middle class
Mesg ID 132001113249
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Question:
What do people think of women in sports, especially women in
'guy' sports? I ask because I've been getting into hockey lately, and
many of my friends are kind of shocked because I'm usually so
ladylike, but I've been getting more aggressive now that I've been
watching it on TV. And I've been noticing that there aren't many
women's leagues in any sport. Why is this? Are women still
'delicate,' as they were thought to be in the early 1900s? Why is it
unwomenly to get into guy sports? Is there still gender bias in
sports? Which sports?
POSTED 12/19/2000
Kate, Seattle, WA, United States, 13, Female, White/Caucasian,
Less than High School Diploma
Mesg ID 1218200064537
Responses:
This is really a great question! I was a wrestler in high school
back in the caveman days of the '70s. Scholastic wrestling (not the
current TV junk) is an interesting sport because it is just you and a
same-size opponent, with an inch of foam beneath you. For an athlete,
wrestling represents the most true of personal contests. You win, you
lose, no teammates to blame. Nonetheless, my current wife dismisses
wrestling simply as 'crotch sniffing.' A few years ago I began to
read about high school girls joining and competing on boys wrestling
teams. I couldn't dream of anything sillier. Why on Earth would a
girl want to do this? Not only would they get legally groped, but in
wrestling the natural muscle mass difference would be a pronounced
disadvantage to a girl. A year ago I saw a TV news show on girls
wrestling on high school boys teams. And as predicted these girls
were getting whipped by the wimpiest boy wrestlers. And the show's
producer had an inordinate interest in determining if the boys on the
team were copping endless feels of the girls. All confirming my
suspicions. Yet the girls persisted on the team. Then suddenly they
asked one of the girl wrestlers why she was doing this, and she said,
'It was the most assertive thing I could do.' Bingo! The light went
off for me. She felt exactly as I had about wrestling. The feeling
was the same, the motivation was the same, and for a female, she
wanted to test herself in the hardest of situations. I was really
proud of her. So I say if you want to play hockey, even on a boys
team, go for it.
POSTED 1/3/2001
Steve, Houston, TX, United States, 44, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Corporate Cubicle Kind of Guy, Over 4 Years of College ,
Upper middle class
Mesg ID 12312000120435
I believe men are stronger than women, and that is why you don't
see women in men's sports. Men usually have a lot more muscular
strength than women and just generally are able to perform much
better than women in most sports of all kinds. But of course that
doesn't mean every woman is weaker than every man. That shouldn't
mean that you cannot participate in men's sports if you want to. But
what you will encounter may not be pretty. Men usually feel
threatened by women doing non-traditional things, so get ready for an
ugly backlash. You may be sabotaged in many ways from pursuing your
dreams. Here's a great site for you to peruse:
http://www.womenssportsfoundation.org/templates/index.html Good Luck
to you!!
POSTED 1/3/2001
Cynthia W., Denver, CO, United States, 38, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Computer Programmer, 4 Years of College ,
Middle class
Mesg ID 12312000123343
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Question:
What is the proper way to raise a child with Down Syndrome? And
how do you treat a child with Down Syndrome?
POSTED 12/19/2000
Melissa, Swampscott, MA, United States, 17, Female,
White/Caucasian, student, Less than High School Diploma
Mesg ID 1218200091014
Responses:
You treat a child with Down like you would any other child you
care about. They react the same way to love and attention as anyone
would. My little brother, who has Down, has always been treated the
same as his brothers, and he interacts with them on the same level.
What might complicate things is that very often when a child is born
with Down Syndrome, there are accompanying medical conditions.
There's a very high rate of heart problems, and in our case, kidney
problems. I hesitate to say most of the time, but often, these
problems do not interfere with the ability to live a productive life.
The thought of caring for or interacting with a Down child can be
very intimidating when it is something that isn't regularly part of
your life. You will find that they are extremely affectionate, loving
and social. You'll find that once you relax and accept it, it becomes
very easy, just like caring for any other child. I would recommend
visiting a special needs class, or getting in contact with a support
group. I know that my family belonged to one for a couple years,
called PODS (Parents of Down Syndrome children). They were incredible
at the time we needed them. I wish you the best of luck, and I really
hope that you find this a profoundly good experience. I always
thought that everyone should be as lucky to know someone like my
brother Patrick.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Julia, Arlington, VA, United States, 21, Female, White/Caucasian,
High School Diploma
Mesg ID 12212000102552
There is a Web site titled www.downsyndromeconnection.org that
should give you some support.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Ronald V., Edmonton, Alberta, NA, Canada, Male
Mesg ID 1224200052624
I am not a parent, but I have spent many years working and
volunteering with kids and adults with all types of disabilities,
including Down Syndrome. A child with Down Syndrome should be raised
and treated in much the same way as any other child. It is important
to take advantage of early intervention programs and therapy
(physical, occupational, speech, etc.), and also to be involved in
the child's education to make sure he or she is receiving the best
possible experience. Aside from that, the child should be treated the
same as his or her peers, as far as creating friendships and
experiences.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Stacey L., Durham, NH, United States,
<slehrer@cisunix.unh.edu>, 20, Female, Jewish, White/Caucasian,
Straight, college student, 2 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 1225200070801
The best way you know how. Have fun with your child, and try to
raise him or her like you would any other. I would consult with the
local school district and/or Head Start - they offer parenting
classes and seminars, and services for children with disabilities and
their parents. Learn how to advocate for your child, be demanding of
your school and other service providers.
POSTED 1/4/2001
Whitney, n/a, MN, United States, 27, Female, White/Caucasian, Over
4 Years of College , Lower middle class
Mesg ID 1226200013314
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