Best of the Week
of Dec. 31, 2000

Best of Week Archives

Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges either begun or advanced during the week of Dec. 31, 2000, as selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s new database using the search form, or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in the Original Archives (all questions from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual from that group.

First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s guidelines pages for asking and answering questions.

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Question:

This may seem like an odd question but I really thought I could get the answer on Y? Forum: I recently watched Desperately Seeking Susan with Madonna, and I really aspire to be like her. Could anyone tell me what 'group' she might have been categorized in (her character, anyway), as I really love this '80s style and want to know what she was in terms of stereotypical-ness.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Louise, Seaward, NA, United Kingdom, <mattsea@hotmail.com>, 16, Female

Mesg ID 1215200025650

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Question:

Do men find a hugely muscular female bodybuilder a turn-off? If so, is this because they feel threatened?

POSTED 1/4/2001

David S., Coventry, NA, United Kingdom, 21, Male, Christian, White/Caucasian, Straight, Centre sales, 2 Years of College , Lower middle class

Mesg ID 1224200061322

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Question:

What does it mean, in the disabilities/challenges nomenclature, to be a 'Highly Sensitive Person'?

POSTED 10/18/2000

Deb, Seattle, WA, United States, 42, Female, White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class

Mesg ID 1018200051253


Responses:
It means we have no way of blocking out stimuli. I get 'sensory overload' from environments most people would consider fun: an amusement park, party, mall, concert. It's like our senses are set higher than other people's, and with no "off" switch. Bright lights, noise, strong smells and too many human energies can trigger extreme fight-or-flight responses, stress and anxiety. Because of this I have chosen to live far out in the woods, away from artificial stimuli and smells, in a sparsely decorated cabin. Now I am happy and at peace. I choose to go to town and pick my activities carefully. My friends understand that I sometimes need to go away and recharge, but that I will come back. I just have a lower tolerance for input than most people. I do not consider this a disability, just something I need to be aware of.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Juno R., Swisshome, OR, United States, <gofish@presys.com>, 38, Female, Pagan, White/Caucasian, Straight, mechanic/musician, High School Diploma , Lower class

Mesg ID 1231200044044

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Question:

Does it hurt to have anal sex?

POSTED 1/4/2001

Happy Love Camp, Boston, MA, United States

Mesg ID 12292000113111

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Question:

I often hear about the 12 tribes of Israel. What are these 12 tribes? Do they still exist? Is there a good on-line source to learn more? I heard recently that the 'Ashkeazi' (sp) is one of the tribes. True? Needless to say I am not Jewish; I was raised Roman Catholic and am interested in comparative religious studies.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Chris F., Kenosha, WI, United States, <felsham@acronet.net>, 42, Female, ELCA Lutheran, White/Caucasian, Straight, at-home mom, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class

Mesg ID 13200162101

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Question:

What does it mean when people say someone is "high maintenance"?

POSTED 12/11/2000

D. Williams, Miami, FL, United States, 18, Female, Christian, Black/African American, Straight, High School Diploma , Middle class

Mesg ID 1130200025303


Responses:
It's a term lazy, non-communicative men made up because they don't know and/or don't care how to please a woman. They are only concerned about themselves. When a man mentions the phrase "high-maintenance," I get away from him instantly. Anything valued and worth having, in my book, is high-maintenance.

POSTED 12/19/2000

Anonymous, n/a, FL, United States, 38, Female

Mesg ID 12172000110901


I�ve heard the �H.M.U.� (�High Maintenance Unit�) phrase used in a couple of settings. The first setting was from an acquaintance who provided guide services for an adventure sport outfitter. When a client/adventurer was labeled �H.M.U.,� it was because they required an inordinate amount of attention, energy and pampering. The woman who was carried up (and back down) Everest during the disastrous climb described in Into Thin Air comes to mind. The other time I have heard the phrase �H.M.U.� was when another acquaintance was lamenting the amount of time, energy and emotional-tiptoeing required by a fragile �friend� who was sucking all the energy and life out of their relationship. I think H.M.U.�s could fairly be regarded as the equivalent of psychological and emotional black holes, consuming much more energy than they release.

POSTED 1/3/2001

Cheryl, New Haven, CT, United States, Female, Humanist, Occassional adventurer, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class

Mesg ID 13200110552


'High Maintenance' is a term used to describe selfish, spoiled, self-centered women who pout and moan when they don't get their way. The term is a reference to the effort needed to maintain a relationship. There is normal effort, and there is extraordinary effort. It is the extraordinary effort that leads to high maintenance.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Pat, Troy, MI, United States, 31, Male, White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College

Mesg ID 1220200024105


It basically means that a woman (or man - yes, there are high maintenance men) requires a lot of money to keep themselves at the standard they desire. Examples: women who spend money every week or so for their hair, nails, clothes, etc., when all that is so superficial; someone who demands to be taken to expensive places when a pizza and a walk in the park is sufficient. In other words, spoiled.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Kali, Sacramento, CA, United States, 45, Female

Mesg ID 1220200053450


The term 'high maintenance' is a good, old-fashioned engineering phrase used to describe equipment that needs constant attention in order to run. It is not considered a good thing. In human relations, it means exactly the same. It denotes someone or some relationship that needs constant attention in order to thrive. We all experience it. With some people, building trust seems effortless, and with others, we need to provide constant reassurance. One would suspect that Hillary Clinton considers her relationship with Bill Clinton 'high maintenance.' In more general slang, most guys consider their girlfriends or wives as high maintenance and their golfing/fishing/drinking buddies as low maintenance.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Steve, Houston, TX, United States, 44, Male, White/Caucasian, Straight, Engineer, of course, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class

Mesg ID 1220200091843


When my friends use the term it can be used for either a male or female. It means an individual who can never go with the flow, always has to be the center of attention, creates his or her own crisis day after day, and in general is exasperating to be around.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Dennis, Boston, MA, United States, 42, Male, White/Caucasian, Gay, Over 4 Years of College

Mesg ID 12212000125328


I object to Anonymous' male-bashing response. Let's keep this board civil.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Bill, The land of civility, VT, United States, 42, Male, White/Caucasian, Straight, Father/Husband, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class

Mesg ID 1221200015155


I agree with Anonymous: men use this to attach a negative connotation to a woman who has a lot going for her. They believe they have to invest more of their time, energy and money to keep her happy than they want to. These are usually the type of men who simply want to 'creep' and are not interested in building a stable, long-term relationship. They want to play around with several women without actually having to (gasp) date them and spend a significant amount of time with them. I was slapped with this label a few years ago, and at first I resented it because I didn't understand it, either. Now, I say, 'Yes, I am high maintenance.' Let them think what they want. Trust me, by the time you're my age, you'll see that comments like that are made by insecure people who envy whatever you have going for you.

 

POSTED 1/4/2001

Cindy, Topeka, KS, United States, 35, Female, African Methodist Episcopalian, Black/African American, Straight, Manager, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class

Mesg ID 1222200065527


It is a term used by either gender to describe someone who is usually very self-centered. High maintenance people usually are unable or unwilling to contribute fully to the relationship. Think of a piece of machinery that always has to be coaxed along to get it to do its job and you will have an idea of high maintenance.

POSTED 1/4/2001

James, Tucson, AZ, United States, Male, White/Caucasian, Straight, health care, Over 4 Years of College

Mesg ID 1222200094930


To Anonymous: That is wrong. It has nothing to do with how to please a woman. I don't understand why people have to bring gender into everything. High maintenance simply refers to oneself or one's partner requiring a lot of attention in order to be happy. It could be in the form of physical and emotional attention, or the need to buy lots of gifts for that person to keep him or her happy. I hear the term used more often in the gay community than the straight community (as in 'I have a high maintenance boyfriend'). And it's not always something bad that one needs to run away from. Some people just require that they are fawned over a little bit more in order to feel accepted in a relationship.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Don, Vancouver, British Columbia, NA, Canada, 28, Male, White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Upper middle class

Mesg ID 1224200050234


A high-maintenance person makes lots of demands on others in terms of time, money, energy or attention. Someone with a chronic health problem could be high maintenance. So could someone who is simply spoiled. As 'Anonymous' suggests, a woman might be unjustly dismissed by a man as high-maintenance just because he's too self-centered to give of himself to even a normal degree. Do keep in mind that 'Anonymous' was unfortunately speaking more to her own disillusionment than to the spirit of your original question.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Jerry, Atlanta, GA, United States, <bookjer@mindspring.com>, 58, Male, Agnostic, White/Caucasian, Straight, Voice Talent, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class

Mesg ID 1225200032656


High maintenance is one of many car/woman metaphors that men have come up with over the years. A high-maintenance woman, like a car of the same persuasion, is one that doesn't function without a lot of pampering. This means that regular unleaded fuel (home-cooked meals and average restaurants) is not enough. You have to go out to expensive restaurants and 'dress up.' Regular-weight oil (being civil and nice) is not enough to grease her pistons; you need to buy lots of flowers and spend lots of money and time on gifts. Overall, a high-maintenance woman is generally thought of as being very expensive and time-consuming. The only reason someone would get involved with one is if she's 'worth it' (i.e. has a good body - I mean chassis.)

POSTED 1/4/2001

Brian, Peru, IN, United States, 25, Male, Christian, White/Caucasian, Straight, management, 4 Years of College , Middle class

Mesg ID 1227200012341


High-maintenance is a term I and many of my friends use to describe a female's desire and need to have high-end, expensive things all the time. I don't belive it has anything to do with a male's lack of consideration or lack of concern. The female is simply drawn to these things and in most cases will refuse to be with a male who cannot offer them.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Tavares, Chicago, IL, United States, Male, Black/African American

Mesg ID 1227200043952


'High-maintenance' is a matter of perception. It is when you believe that a person demands a lot of emotional and material attention, but you don't feel like they are giving you enough in return. It is a hurtful situation because you are afraid the person will leave you if you stop giving, but your own needs are not being met. Because men are often in the role of wage-earner and protector, usually it is men who feel this way.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Damien, Boston, MA, United States, 29, Male, White/Caucasian, Computer technician, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class

Mesg ID 12292000110812


It refers to women who require constant attention from their lovers to the point at which their lover takes on the appearance of a personal servant. It is synonymous with the term 'princess.'

POSTED 1/4/2001

Justin, Chicago, IL, United States, 26, Male, Atheist, White/Caucasian, file clerk, 2 Years of College , Lower middle class

Mesg ID 1229200044504


To Anonymous: I beg to differ with your response. When I think of a 'high maintenance' woman, I think MONEY. When I hear a woman talk this way, I run, because all she thinks about is my wallet. My heart is bigger; so is my love.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Harvey, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 47, Male, Catholic, Black/African American, Straight, sales, 4 Years of College

Mesg ID 1230200013627

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Question:

Why do black women overlook or disregard black men in wheelchairs? Every man in a wheelchair is not helpless.

POSTED 1/4/2001

D.L. Hollis, Carbondale, IL, United States, <NasD247@aol.com>, Male, Christian, Black/African American, Straight, Paralyzed, student, Over 4 Years of College

Mesg ID 12272000125257

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Question:

I am in a relationship with a woman who has had lesbian experiences. She tells me I am great in bed. She tells me the only way she can have an orgasm is by oral sex or other means. But one time I felt her ejaculation come out, but she didn't recognize it. My question is, do lesbian experiences make a woman ignorant about or unfamiliar with experiences with a man?

POSTED 1/4/2001

Mike M., Huber Heights, OH, United States, <songtus@yahoo.com>, 18, Male

Mesg ID 1225200030437

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Question:

I am researching the American addiction to chewing gum and am astounded by the similarities to drug addiction. I was taught that gum chewing at work was unprofessional and unladylike, yet I know several people who cannot function at work without gum in their mouths that they are constantly popping and cracking. I recently watched two well-paid telemarketers lose their jobs due to their refusal to not chew gum while serving customers on the phone. I also watched a young lady walk into a job interview chewing gum and then wonder why she didn't get the job. Several teachers tell me this is one of the primary problems they have in classrooms. The anger and defiance attached to this behavior leads me to believe it's an addiction, not a habit. Can anyone explain this?

POSTED 1/4/2001

Alma, Kempner, TX, United States, 47, Female, Methodist, White/Caucasian, Lesbian, unemployed, 4 Years of College , Lower middle class

Mesg ID 12292000100744

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Question:

I'm a white male raised primarily around whites, but I've seen and interacted with people of many races. I have no hatred or reason to look down on other races, but when I encounter a group of black, Hispanic or Asian men, I feel somewhat inferior. I worry what they think about me, and I assume they don't like me or find me annoying. I can never truly express my sense of humor - this may sound petty, but I feel un-hip, like a joke to them. I am the stupid honky to them. Do black or Asian or Hispanic people notice this behavior in white men? Do any whites feel similar?

POSTED 12/19/2000

Jeff, Edmonton, Alberta, NA, Canada, 18, Male, Atheist, White/Caucasian, Straight, High School Diploma , Middle class

Mesg ID 1217200021203


Responses:
I am a black woman in her twenties, and in my case, I just like people who are themselves. Don't feel inferior to anyone; you were born like everyone else, and you are going to die like everyone else. Of course, I can't speak for all minorites, but I can speak for a small group of people I call my friends, who are all colors. We may not get each others' jokes all the time, but who does?

POSTED 1/3/2001

Ci-Ci, Long Beach, CA, United States, Female, Black/African American

Mesg ID 112001101049


That's just their way of feeling superior. It's a subtle little way that black and Spanish people practice their own racism. Same way white people might act aloof and snobby; same song, different tune ya know? You probably are the 'dumb honky' to them, but don't ever let yourself think that.

POSTED 1/3/2001

Seamus, Charlestown, MA, United States, <madskat@home.com>, 22, Male, Student, High School Diploma , Lower class

Mesg ID 112001122754


You should not worry what others think about you. I have been raised in a predominantly black area, and I sometimes feel strange around white people. I have some of same thoughts around whites as you do around blacks: do they like me, are they scared of me, do they think I'm stupid, etc. It's not just you. The same thoughts going through your head could be the same thing the other person is thinking. All I can say is just be yourself. Being 'hip' does not lie in a person's race or background. What's hip to one person can be corny to another person, and vice versa. If you have to change the way you act around somebody just to get them to like you, it's not worth it.

POSTED 1/3/2001

Mike, Detroit, MI, United States, 20, Male, Christian, Black/African American, Straight, Student, High School Diploma

Mesg ID 12200191855


The reason you feel like that is that you're insecure about yourself. Why else would you be thinking these things? Only you should worry about what you think about yourself. I also think you're insecure about your ethnicity. What kind of white-boy are 'ya? Is it also because blacks, Hispanics and Asians have some kind of history behind their culture, and you feel you don't? Look into your culture, see what type of Europeans you're made of and find out about them, then maybe you'll feel a little better about yourself when you come into contact with people of other races/ethnicities.

POSTED 1/3/2001

Jay C., Orange County, CA, United States, 22, Male, Catholic, Filipino

Mesg ID 1220200055938


My response is in regard to those of your age group. I suspect there may be those who think of you as the 'stupid honky' when you come around, but to defeat that stereotype you will have to get to know one or two individuals from the Asian and black communities on a one-to-one basis. Then gradually get to know that person's friends and build more friends as you go. After several Asians and/or blacks get to know you as an individual and for who you are, you will no longer be the 'stupid honky.' You may even get an upgrade to a 'cool-ass white dude' whom Asians or blacks will like to have as a friend. It will take effort and open-mindedness. Some of my best friends and co-workers are young, middle-class white men. I had to make the effort to get to know them, and visa versa. Not everyone is going to be open to getting to know you, so don't take it personally if they call you names, etc. Just go on to the next person. It is well worth the effort.

POSTED 1/3/2001

Geraldine, Columbus, OH, United States, 43, Female, Baptist, Black/African American, Straight, Government Worker, 4 Years of College , Middle class

Mesg ID 1221200011255


Do black or Asian or Hispanic people notice this behavior in white men? Yes, I think so. Do any whites feel similar? I do. Even at my best, I never feel completely comfortable around blacks. I often have to remind myself, 'Relax, it's only a black guy.' But at the same time, I don't think this is mere paranoia. Issues of race are always just below the surface of any interracial encounter, and in the midst of any conversation with a black person, I wonder if it's possible to have a genuine conversation without addressing race.

POSTED 1/3/2001

Justin, Chicago, IL, United States, 26, Male, Atheist, White/Caucasian, Straight, file clerk, Lower middle class

Mesg ID 1229200050207


I am a black female who goes to a predominantly white college. I see this all the time. But if you act like yourself, they won't notice your color as much as they notice your personality and who you are. It is when you don't act like who you really are that people will look at you as the dumb white guy or the guy who is trying to fit in. People can always tell when you are not being real. Relax and don't think too much. Funny people are appreciated, no matter the color.

POSTED 1/3/2001

J. Akintomide, Jamaica, Queens, NY, United States, 21, Female, Lutheran, Black/African American, Straight, Full-time student, 4 Years of College , Middle class

Mesg ID 1230200012838


Jeff, I think you need to relax. I think that the majority of folks are struggling to make things happen in their lives and aren't too concerned with thinking too much about others (most of the time). If you are really worried about how you come off to others, ask a close male friend who's known you a while what he thinks. Then watch how men of different backgrounds interact with one another and select what behaviors would work for you and model yourself after that, adding your own personal twist. Good luck (you seem all right to me)!

POSTED 1/3/2001

Sammi, Boston, MA, United States, 35, Female, New Age/Metaphysical, Black/African American, Straight, Office Manager, 2 Years of College , Middle class

Mesg ID 13200194642


I am a white male and feel exactly as you do in these situations. I, too, assume (most likely incorrectly) that black people don't like me or consider me a nuisance. I realize this is 'racial paranoia' on my part and an unfair perception, but I can't help it. I feel like a complete dork when I'm around even one black person. Like you, I would greatly appreciate thoughts on this issue from black, Hispanic and Asians readers.

POSTED 1/4/2001

J.B., Augusta, GA, United States, Male, Christian, White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College

Mesg ID 142001103243

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Question:

Why do Americans feel so strongly about the right to bear arms? Is the United States not the only country with such a law among the G20?

POSTED 12/19/2000

Walter P., Montreal, Quebec, NA, Canada, 37, Male, Catholic, White/Caucasian, Straight, Engineer, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class

Mesg ID 12192000100550


Responses:
Briefly, I think it is a matter of distrusting government. In Texas, we are 1 for 2 in disposing of odious governments: we disposed of Santa Anna, a singular service to Mexico, and we gave the Federal Government a good fight in the 1860s. If you include ancestral rebellions, we are 2 for 3, having sent King George's men back to torment the Irish. That we have had sufficient concensus in two centuries to think three governments odious enough to merit armed rebellion either demonstrates a consistent bad attitude or a rational basis for our distrust.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Walter, Austin, TX, United States, 51, Male, Jewish, White/Caucasian, Straight, getting old, historian, Over 4 Years of College , Lower middle class

Mesg ID 1221200050917


As a rule, Americans don't like anyone telling them anything. I think this is a situation where genetics and culture are intertwined. Basically, whites came over here (from England, Ireland, Germany, etc.) because they either didn't like being told to pay taxes or worship a certain way. Blacks were hauled over here against their will, Native Americans were slaughtered as a result of Manifest Destiny and Asians came here to get away from oppressive dynastic regimes. What this makes for is a group of people who typically resent all types of authority. The most die-hard NRA advocates will tell you that they oppose gun-control because they don't want the government telling them what to do, because 'If you let them take this, what's next?' There is also a strong degree of anti-intellectualism in America that stems from its roots as a haven for start-up capitalists. Capitalists, as a rule, don't like government interference with anything, and once again, if you let them take your guns, control of your business is next. White descendants of our country's Revolutionaries, immigrants from oppressive nations, descendents of slaves and Manifest Destiny-victims all have inherited a legacy of distrust for the government. Those opposing gun control want to keep the ability to fight off whoever they think it is they need to.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Brian, Peru, IN, United States, 25, Male, Christian, White/Caucasian, Straight, management, 4 Years of College , Middle class

Mesg ID 1227200013404


The right to bear arms is so central to American values because it is how we won our independence, and the writers of the Constitution guaranteed that we would retain it. Without it, we wouldn't have the power to defend ourselves from criminals or tyrants. It is listed among our basic liberties such as freedom of speech because it is the right that secures all our other rights.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Trudy, San Jose, CA, United States, 18, Female, Mormon, White/Caucasian, Straight, student, 2 Years of College , Upper middle class

Mesg ID 1229200065327

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Question:

Why do people say "axed" instead of "asked"? Is this a deliberate changing of the word, or has it just been mispronounced for a really, really long time? Also, what is going on with "hisself" instead of "himself"?

POSTED 12/19/2000

Tina G., Birmingham, MI, United States, <tinag@hfmgv.org>, 24, Female, Atheist, White/Caucasian, Exhibit designer, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class

Mesg ID 12182000102733


Responses:
This is not a deliberate thing. It's just a bad case of mispronunciation. I am African American and hear these words used quite often. A lot of the time in my community, people are not concerned with pronunciation, and if you understand what message is being relayed, or what question is being asked, we generally don't correct grammar. In your question, you asked 'Why do 'people' say axed instead of asked?' I wonder what PEOPLE you were referring to. Don't worry, this is Y? Forum, where you can be as open as you want. I hate to say this, but stereotypically, you hear these mispronunciations from many inner-city folk. It's not necessarily that they haven't learned proper grammar; it may just be second-nature from using them so much.

POSTED 1/3/2001

Erika, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 30, Female, Christian, Black/African American, Straight, Grad Student, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class

Mesg ID 132001113249

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Question:

What do people think of women in sports, especially women in 'guy' sports? I ask because I've been getting into hockey lately, and many of my friends are kind of shocked because I'm usually so ladylike, but I've been getting more aggressive now that I've been watching it on TV. And I've been noticing that there aren't many women's leagues in any sport. Why is this? Are women still 'delicate,' as they were thought to be in the early 1900s? Why is it unwomenly to get into guy sports? Is there still gender bias in sports? Which sports?

POSTED 12/19/2000

Kate, Seattle, WA, United States, 13, Female, White/Caucasian, Less than High School Diploma

Mesg ID 1218200064537


Responses:
This is really a great question! I was a wrestler in high school back in the caveman days of the '70s. Scholastic wrestling (not the current TV junk) is an interesting sport because it is just you and a same-size opponent, with an inch of foam beneath you. For an athlete, wrestling represents the most true of personal contests. You win, you lose, no teammates to blame. Nonetheless, my current wife dismisses wrestling simply as 'crotch sniffing.' A few years ago I began to read about high school girls joining and competing on boys wrestling teams. I couldn't dream of anything sillier. Why on Earth would a girl want to do this? Not only would they get legally groped, but in wrestling the natural muscle mass difference would be a pronounced disadvantage to a girl. A year ago I saw a TV news show on girls wrestling on high school boys teams. And as predicted these girls were getting whipped by the wimpiest boy wrestlers. And the show's producer had an inordinate interest in determining if the boys on the team were copping endless feels of the girls. All confirming my suspicions. Yet the girls persisted on the team. Then suddenly they asked one of the girl wrestlers why she was doing this, and she said, 'It was the most assertive thing I could do.' Bingo! The light went off for me. She felt exactly as I had about wrestling. The feeling was the same, the motivation was the same, and for a female, she wanted to test herself in the hardest of situations. I was really proud of her. So I say if you want to play hockey, even on a boys team, go for it.

POSTED 1/3/2001

Steve, Houston, TX, United States, 44, Male, White/Caucasian, Straight, Corporate Cubicle Kind of Guy, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class

Mesg ID 12312000120435


I believe men are stronger than women, and that is why you don't see women in men's sports. Men usually have a lot more muscular strength than women and just generally are able to perform much better than women in most sports of all kinds. But of course that doesn't mean every woman is weaker than every man. That shouldn't mean that you cannot participate in men's sports if you want to. But what you will encounter may not be pretty. Men usually feel threatened by women doing non-traditional things, so get ready for an ugly backlash. You may be sabotaged in many ways from pursuing your dreams. Here's a great site for you to peruse: http://www.womenssportsfoundation.org/templates/index.html Good Luck to you!!

POSTED 1/3/2001

Cynthia W., Denver, CO, United States, 38, Female, Agnostic, White/Caucasian, Straight, Computer Programmer, 4 Years of College , Middle class

Mesg ID 12312000123343

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Question:

What is the proper way to raise a child with Down Syndrome? And how do you treat a child with Down Syndrome?

POSTED 12/19/2000

Melissa, Swampscott, MA, United States, 17, Female, White/Caucasian, student, Less than High School Diploma

Mesg ID 1218200091014


Responses:
You treat a child with Down like you would any other child you care about. They react the same way to love and attention as anyone would. My little brother, who has Down, has always been treated the same as his brothers, and he interacts with them on the same level. What might complicate things is that very often when a child is born with Down Syndrome, there are accompanying medical conditions. There's a very high rate of heart problems, and in our case, kidney problems. I hesitate to say most of the time, but often, these problems do not interfere with the ability to live a productive life. The thought of caring for or interacting with a Down child can be very intimidating when it is something that isn't regularly part of your life. You will find that they are extremely affectionate, loving and social. You'll find that once you relax and accept it, it becomes very easy, just like caring for any other child. I would recommend visiting a special needs class, or getting in contact with a support group. I know that my family belonged to one for a couple years, called PODS (Parents of Down Syndrome children). They were incredible at the time we needed them. I wish you the best of luck, and I really hope that you find this a profoundly good experience. I always thought that everyone should be as lucky to know someone like my brother Patrick.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Julia, Arlington, VA, United States, 21, Female, White/Caucasian, High School Diploma

Mesg ID 12212000102552


There is a Web site titled www.downsyndromeconnection.org that should give you some support.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Ronald V., Edmonton, Alberta, NA, Canada, Male

Mesg ID 1224200052624


I am not a parent, but I have spent many years working and volunteering with kids and adults with all types of disabilities, including Down Syndrome. A child with Down Syndrome should be raised and treated in much the same way as any other child. It is important to take advantage of early intervention programs and therapy (physical, occupational, speech, etc.), and also to be involved in the child's education to make sure he or she is receiving the best possible experience. Aside from that, the child should be treated the same as his or her peers, as far as creating friendships and experiences.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Stacey L., Durham, NH, United States, <slehrer@cisunix.unh.edu>, 20, Female, Jewish, White/Caucasian, Straight, college student, 2 Years of College , Middle class

Mesg ID 1225200070801


The best way you know how. Have fun with your child, and try to raise him or her like you would any other. I would consult with the local school district and/or Head Start - they offer parenting classes and seminars, and services for children with disabilities and their parents. Learn how to advocate for your child, be demanding of your school and other service providers.

POSTED 1/4/2001

Whitney, n/a, MN, United States, 27, Female, White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College , Lower middle class

Mesg ID 1226200013314

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