DARE TO ASK: Does missing limb keep suitors away?

By PHILLIP MILANO, The Times-Union

Question

I am an amputee and on crutches all the time. Would that really keep someone from asking me out?

Samantha, 21, Seattle

Replies

I would certainly be curious about the stump. It's not something you normally see. The thought doesn't gross me out, but it is unusual. After I got over it, I think I would be OK with it.

Chris, 34, Va.

If it keeps someone from dating you, he's not worth it. Don't turn your nose up, however, at a man who actually prefers you as you are. They are not all bad. There is a cover for every pot. Even one missing a handle.

Bob C., 53, Minn.

When is the next flight to Seattle?

Paul, Miami Beach

If I were under 30 I would be wanting to date you. Women missing a leg are as attractive to me as women with large, inviting breasts are to most guys.

Kent, 58, Australia

I had a relationship with an arm amputee. Anna was a clever, handsome, sensitive, charming girl, so I really didn't think about her empty sleeve and her stump. I have never met such an interesting (and sexy) female.

Goran, 29, Yugoslavia

It wouldn't stop me from asking you out, but it's not why I would ask you out, either. It'll keep some people from asking you out, but they probably aren't the people you'd want to spend quality time with. God knows life is short enough without wasting our quality time on the wrong people.

Peter, New York

Expert says

Smile, Samantha. With the right attitude you'll soon be using your crutch as a stick to beat suitors off, says Kimberley Barreda, a "double above-the-knee" amputee who runs a dating Web site for disabled people and even has her own photo site, amputeegoddess.com.

"Uh, have you seen me? There's no such thing as a gay guy around me. What I tell some girls who think I can't hold my own in a bar is hey, I'm memorable and spectacular and everyone will remember me - you on the other hand are average and unremarkable."

A little feisty, are we?

"I'm tired of guys who assume I'm not already busy. And I get angry when people say 'You're kind of cute for a girl in a wheelchair.' I say, 'You're kind of cute for an idiot.' "

Guys who don't like amputees may wrongly assume they are asexual, needy or even mentally disabled. Or, Barreda says, such men are often young and unsophisticated when it comes to notions of physical beauty. Others are too insecure to lead the way among their peers.

Men attracted to amputees from the get-go - often called "devotees" - are no worse than men with a penchant for blondes or redheads, she adds.

"Those who say it's wrong or is a fetish, to me that implies there is something wrong with the person on the receiving end of such interest. It's not a fetish if it isn't causing a serious hardship in your day-to-day life."

Phillip Milano, author of I Can't Believe You Asked That! (Perigee), moderates cross-cultural dialogue at Y? The National Forum on People's Differences. Visit www.yforum.com to submit questions and answers, or mail to Phillip Milano, c/o The Florida Times-Union, P.O. Box 1949, Jacksonville, FL 32231. Include contact information. For Dare to Ask podcasts, go to Jacksonville.com keyword: milano.