Dare to Ask: Question about bodily function is not for the queasy

By Phillip Milano

The Florida Times-Union

Question

Why is it when someone does a common bodily function, we are offended, but when we do it ourselves, it's no problem? Also, why are we usually embarrassed when we do it, even though everyone does it?

Jay, Pensacola

Replies

I'm an American with a weak stomach. My husband is from a culture where many bodily functions are handled differently. He farts loud at home and burps. He rarely says "Excuse me," and I often feel sick.

Kitty, 39, Caribou, Maine

If someone is unwilling to discreetly alleviate their affliction, it leaves me wondering if wolves raised them. The offending sound or scent tells me the perpetrator is more focused on his or her own discomfort and its relief than on those around them. That's why it's unpleasant to be around a person who freely belches, farts and snorts. It's also why I refrain from letting fly when around other humans. In the company of my poor, dear dog, on the other hand ...

Cheryl, New Haven, Conn.

It is the fact that when you come out of the bathroom, a toxic cloud follows you that melts the paint off the walls for the next 20 minutes. Do us all a favor and get an MRI to find out what died inside of you and continues to burn the very hairs of our nostrils. It's either that or I'm filing for workman's comp next time you use the restroom.

I.M. Gagging, Pensacola

Expert says

In addition to now knowing what Jay does that bugs "I.M." at their mutual Pensacola workplace, we promise even deeper stuff is wafting your way if you keep reading.

But we'll understand if you're so offended you simply can't read another word.

Now that those two people have stopped reading, let's talk with Paul Spinrad.

He wrote "The RE/Search Guide to Bodily Fluids" after studying all the gross things everyone was reading about above until those two stopped, even though they've started again.

People in many other countries also try not to perform bodily functions around others, but it's more from a desire not to offend, he said. Here, it's from a need to not embarrass oneself. "It's shame-based in other countries, and guilt-based here," he said.

The puritanical history of the U.S. also led to a mindset of separation from nature, denying bodily functions and even referring to them as ungodly, Spinrad noted.

Believe it or not, this "anti-animal" view shapes societal views on laws and practices, leading to denying things like evolution or opposing practices that show "human weakness," like contraceptive use or needle exchanges for drug users, he said.

"It's a detachment from biological reality," he said. "If we were more connected to nature, as they are in rural areas ... there's a lot of power in that. You see yourself as part of your environment ... it might make you process the environmental effects of other things a little more."

Is he saying...?

"Yes. Denying farting comes from the same place as denying auto emissions. ... If we farted more, we could save the planet."

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Phillip Milano, author of I Can't Believe You Asked That! (Perigee), moderates cross-cultural dialogue at Y? The National Forum on People's Differences. Visit www.yforum.com to submit questions and answers. Send general column comments to phillip.milano@jacksonville.com. You can also hear his podcasts or watch his TV spots.