Dare to Ask: What's wrong with using bra as a purse?

By Phillip Milano

Question

When I go out to a nightclub dancing, I carry my change purse and cell phone inside my bra cup. I can lock my pocketbook in the car and not have to worry about losing anything. A few people said I look cheap when I reach into my dress to get at my money. It hurt my feelings. If you're a woman who does this, what reaction have you had? I do this often and never lost anything. It works on my end.

Linda, 50, Boston

Replies

If it was good enough for Mae West, it's good enough for anyone.

Hope, 38, Pittsburgh

You must be a heavy gal for that to even work. I think it's pretty white trash to go digging in your underwear to tip the valet. Besides, YOU'RE 50! What nightclubs and dancing are you involved in? The behavior might be acceptable to someone in her early 20s. A middle-aged woman should have more class.

Dot, Los Angeles

Expert says

Cue the stiff announcer in the tinny-sounding high school etiquette film: "And for our female students, remember, at age 25, it begins to look skanky to plunge your hand into your cleavage for cash. Before that age, however, boys will find this empowering activity a sign of independence. What's that (sound of vibrating ring tone) -- is that your modern, small cell phone alerting you to a friend or extended warranty salesman? No need to keep them waiting. Get in there and dig around."

What, that wasn't shown junior year?

Well, we'll let Susan Huston unearth some truth nuggets for us. She's an etiquette expert with more than three decades' experience (SusanHuston.com) and has been interviewed by all sorts of media. Maybe not about bra-diving, but about other stuff.

In this day and age of lax decorum, some girls and women may need some training about their bras, she said (note with humor our use of "training" and "bra" in the same sentence).

"This is a habit some women got into back in the grandma days, when they had a hanky in their bosom," Huston said. "It can be difficult to break. If I could invent something fashionable to use instead of the bosom, I could be a millionaire."

But it does look pretty cheap to do that, she added, whether in a club or on a job interview, so for those women who actually don't know this: Don't do it!

"Women need to stop and think, your breast is part of you ... it might be seen as an open invitation. Women might think it's OK for convenience sake, but it doesn't appear that way. And so conflicts can arise."

And especially in an era of camera phones and social networking sites, what you do may be seen by millions, so be forewarned, she said.

"With women, it's about protecting their reputation. Maybe a man can still get away with a little scratching ... but with a woman, people seem to take it more seriously, and it's more noticeable, too. It's right in your face."

Her solution? Put the cash, plastic and lipstick in a small pocketbook with a long strap. Then there's no need for a multi-tasking bra.

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Phillip Milano, author of I Can't Believe You Asked That! (Perigee), moderates cross-cultural dialogue at Y? The National Forum on People's Differences. Visit www.yforum.com to submit questions and answers. Send general column comments to phillip.milano@jacksonville.com. You can also hear his podcasts or watch his TV spots.