Dare to Ask: Marriage is big deal for Hispanics

By PHILLIP MILANO, The Times-Union

Question

Why do Hispanic women have to be married before they are in their 30s?

K.C., Indianola, Miss.

Replies

In the eyes of many in the Hispanic culture, a woman without a man has less value.

Monica, 27, Hispanic, San Antonio

The men get this, too, but being a culture dominated by men, sowing wild oats is seen as more permissible for us.

Carlos, Hispanic, Chicago

A Latina at age 15 will have a Quinceanera - a gigantic birthday party. This is for the parents to advertise her as available for marriage. Being blond, blue-eyed, bilingual and with my parents having a new Corvette sends infinite messages to a Hispanic couple with a young lady they're eager to get out from under their roof. On countless occasions, I have been approached by Latina mothers asking me if I am looking for a wife.

Kyle M., 15, white, Texas

Marrying a young Hispanic woman is considered ideal. Hispanic men do not want a woman with a lot of history.

George, 42, Hispanic, Colorado

Latinos are very family-oriented. Plus, Latin Americans don't necessarily have the privilege of putting off marriage, parenthood and other social customs until a later age to "find themselves."

Deborah, 46, Hispanic, Denver

Expert says

"I'm surprised they gave a late date like 30. Really, if they're not married by 25, it's like what's the deal here?" said Kim Lloyd, a Washington State University sociology professor and expert on the Hispanic family.

Early marriage and child-birth are common among Hispanic cultures. A 2002 Centers for Disease Control report found that 13 percent of U.S. Hispanic women were married by age 18, compared to 8 percent of white women and 5 percent of black women. And Hispanic girls ages 10 to 14 had birth rates of 1.4 per 1,000 in 2002 - twice the rate of the overall age group, yet still a drop from 2.4 per 1,000 in 1990.

Many surveys show that Hispanic women list being married and having a family as the most important things in their lives, Lloyd said, while white or African-American women are more likely to put personal happiness or job stability higher.

"It's a bigger focus on family and traditional views of gender roles. Men bring home the bacon, the woman has greater say in raising the children."

Catholicism, the dominant faith among many Hispanics, plays a large role, emphasizing marriage and family, she said.

One new finding by Lloyd: First-generation Hispanics are more likely to aspire to marriage than second-generation, who are assimilating to Anglo views - but the third generation is behaving more like the first, getting married earlier.

"Even in my classes, the Latinas say they get a lot of pressure from their parents like 'Why are you wasting time in college?' They fight it, but a lot of them drop out."

Phillip Milano, author of I Can't Believe You Asked That! (Perigee), moderates cross-cultural dialogue at Y? The National Forum on People's Differences. Visit www.yforum.com to submit questions and answers, or mail to Phillip Milano, c/o The Florida Times-Union, P.O. Box 1949, Jacksonville, FL 32231. Include contact information. For Dare to Ask podcasts, go to Jacksonville.com keyword: milano.