DARE TO ASK: What should she expect in India?

By PHILLIP MILANO, The Times-Union

Question

I am an outspoken female leaving for India. Is there anything I should be worried about, such as covering my face or how I dress, drinking at bars, etc.? I do not want to offend anyone, and I do not want to put myself in danger.

Marie, 22, Tampa

Replies

I moved to India when I was 20 and experienced a minimum of sexual harassment. My advice: do not wear low-cut shirts, halter tops or shorts. You do not have to cover your face or hair. I found Indian men on the whole to be caring and helpful.

Lisa, 25, Los Angeles

There is something called "eve teasing," when men will harass you on the street. Some Indian women carry stickpins with them to poke rude men.

P. Kitty, 38, Caribou, Maine

It doesn't matter what you wear (in India), if people know you're a foreigner and are not educated about other cultures, they will sexually harass you.

Diana, 18, Sacramento, Calif.

I take strong exception to what Diana says. Most people here are good-natured and very helpful. Nobody will try to harass you sexually unless you invite it yourself.

Padmanabhan, 31, Chennai, India

The farther south you go, the more polite it gets. Bombay and Bangalore are cosmopolitan, and women move freely without fear. These places also have pretty cool discos/nightclubs. As long as you are with company, you should be safe.

Zip, 30, Hindu male, Birmingham, Ala.

Expert says

This would be easier if Marie were more specific and hadn't asked about the seventh-largest land mass on Earth (1.27 million square miles) that holds a sixth of the world's population (about 1.2 billion people). For example, hit us with "If I go to a guy named Ajith's place about 21/2 blocks off Shanghumugham Beach near Thiruvananthapuram at 8 p.m. next Thursday, will I be harassed?" and maybe we can start running some background checks.

Still, in our spirit of cultural questing, we talked to Max Ali, director of sales at SITA World Tours in Los Angeles, a top India tour operator.

As you might guess, he didn't out India as running rabid with groping guys. In fact, as you might have heard in the media at least once in the past year, the little massive country that could is growing rapidly - economically and culturally.

"Indian guys are interested in Western women, but they are not aggressive, by American standards," he said, adding that in big cities, U.S. women won't even stand out at the bars.

"But in smaller towns, it's best to dress modestly and maintain a lower profile. No short-shorts, and with blouses, a little bit of cleavage, not a lot."

Marie will be treated with respect, though as with anywhere, there are still "backward areas" of the country where men might ogle and harass, Ali said.

"But I would have to go searching for something like that to find it," he said. "In general, women are more emancipated in India than elsewhere."

Phillip Milano, author of I Can't Believe You Asked That! (Perigee), moderates cross-cultural dialogue at Y? The National Forum on People's Differences. Visit www.yforum.com to submit questions and answers.