Dare to Ask: If grandpa wants to talk golf, let him

By Phillip J. Milano

Question

Why do old people like to talk about their golf game so much?

Ben, 9, Clay County

Replies

Old people, like young people, middle-aged people and all the people in between, like to talk about things they find interesting. I know lots of old people — my grandkids think I am an old person — and none of us golf, so none of us ever discusses it. It seems to me that you happen to know a lot of old people who are avid golfers, that’s all.

Robin W., 55, Westland, Mich.

Seniors are not talking about golf, they’re really talking about conversations on the golf course and off the course. So while some seniors may speak about their “handicap,” they are really striking up a conversation with someone they hope is on their same level. That same chat that starts out with golf will often end up with their grandkids.

Steve C., Massachusetts

Experts say

A back-nine’s worth of possible answers for this wee lad:

They’re remembering stuff. You know that thought you had about nine seconds ago that you won’t think about again until you’re in your 50s because you’ve moved on to thinking about uploading your 14th YouTube video of your dog barking something that sounds like “I’m sorry”? Well, older people re-think about their recent and long-ago thoughts more frequently than that. It actually helps them. Tons of studies prove it. Gerontologists like Robert Butler have shown that reminiscing leads to less sadness, improved family and social relations, less chronic pain and better cognition (are you following this, sonny?).

They aren’t tweeting or texting. A Pew Research Center survey in 2009 found that only one in six people over 75 even use the Internet daily. Only 11 percent of folks older than 65 bother to text. Oddly, they’re conversing instead.

Gotta justify. Golfers spend hazardous amounts of money and time on their games. So there could be a need for talk-therapy to bring closure. National Golf Foundation stats show golfers spend more than $17 billion a year on equipment and rounds, play an average of about 60 times per year and spend $311 each on golf clothes annually.

Ego. People like to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. Especially when they’re overestimating their drives by at least 30 yards, which is what a 2005 report by golf think-tank Frankly Consulting determined.

Running of the mouth. This may be a function of lack of sobriety. Researchers Conor P. O’Brien and Frank Lyons of Ireland found in 2000 that of all sports, golf ranked fifth behind only cricket, Gaelic football, rugby and hurling (naturally) in percentage of drinkers, as well as in the percent of competitors who drank before playing.

Your generation is “X-treme,” not ours. “Emily Post and other manners experts have trained us that extreme is vulgar; moderate is good,” says golf comedian T.P. Mulrooney. “That’s why we’ve chosen a sport which allows us to eat hot dogs, swig beer and make business calls while we play.”

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Phillip Milano, author of "I Can't Believe You Asked That! (Perigee)," moderates cross-cultural dialogue at Y? The National Forum on People's Differences. Keep the cross-cultural dialogue going at his Jacksonville.com blog or at www.yforum.com. Send general column comments to yforum (at) yforum.com. You can also hear his podcasts.