DARE TO ASK: Pregnancy a turn-on to some men?

By PHILLIP MILANO, The Times-Union

Question

Why are some men attracted to pregnant women? My husband seems to be.

Robin, 29, Greensboro, N.C.

Replies

A pregnant woman is perceived by men as very "fragile," which reinforces a sense of vulnerability. Many men like the thought of having a sweet and beautiful woman who needs our protection.

JLM, 38, male, Kenosha, Wis.

Men are just another animal, attracted to the most seemingly fertile of the opposite sex. A woman's sexuality is exaggerated in a pleasing way during pregnancy, with breasts enlarged, etc. What's not to like?

Joe P., 35, Seattle, Wash.

Men want pregnant women because dey know she ain't gonna get pregnant by them because she already pregnant. Ya dig?

S., female, Clarkesville, Md.

We men love sex, but I don't see a pregnant woman and see a free lunch.

Chris, Breckenridge, Colo.

When my wife was pregnant, I found her attractive, but before and after, she was far more attractive to me. I have never been attracted to pregnant women, nor has any man I know.

John C. 40, Watertown, Conn.

Expert says

A woman can't be "a little bit" pregnant, but apparently a man can be totally turned off by, a little bit attracted to, or really juiced over, a woman in full.

Men who get off-the-charts jollies over expectant mothers may have maiesiophilia -- arousal from pregnancy or childbirth, says David Marcus, a psychologist who specializes in sexual compulsivity at the Silicon Valley Psychotherapy Center.

"Is it a necessary condition to get aroused? Does he seek pregnant prostitutes? Does he get his wife to enact fantasies related to this? Are there secretive behaviors to get that image in his mind?"

Secretive, as in perusing the apparently numerous fetish Web sites devoted to pregnant women (we didn't check from work, OK?)

Such devotion to women with child often comes from an early childhood experience in which the person got a sexual charge in the presence of something related to pregnancy, Marcus said. Pregnancy can also symbolize security, wholesomeness and unconditional love.

What about the fertility angle? Oedipal links? The "safe sex" argument? Those didn't retain much water for Marcus.

As well, just because a guy has a heightened interest in pregnant women doesn't mean he's fixated -- it's likely just one path to his arousal, Marcus said.

"This wife should express any concerns, but come from a place of curiosity. A person's arousal doesn't necessarily comment on them as a whole person ... their quality as a friend, father, empathic partner. Take it out of the closet; he may be as tormented as she is. If it's a problem, make it a common enemy, go after it as a team and preserve the good things in your marriage. In the end they may need a therapist to help talk it out."

Phillip Milano, author of I Can't Believe You Asked That! (Perigee), moderates cross-cultural dialogue at Y? The National Forum on People's Differences. Visit www.yforum.com to submit questions and answers, or mail to Phillip Milano, c/o The Florida Times-Union, P.O. Box 1949, Jacksonville, FL 32231. Include contact information.