Dare to Ask: When is a woman at her sexiest in life?

By Phillip Milano

The Florida Times-Union

Question

When is a woman at her sexiest in life? -- Lauren, Australia

Replies

It's one thing to have a rifle. It's another to know how to pick off a deer at 200 yards. Older women who have mastered "the art" blow away the competition. -- Adam, 42, Illinois

Some women are young and sexy. But some put on a few pounds in the right places and get a good streak of gray hair and age into their sexiness. -- Amos, 32, Chicago

If you look at it biologically, a woman who is fertile is sexy. From that view, a woman is most desirable to a man at a younger age. -- Cat, 20, female, Tampa

I can often look past the years to see, in many women, that lingering aura of the youthful beauty they once had. It may be in their eyes or smile, or the shape of their nose. Match that with their higher degree of wisdom and experience, and it is far sexier. But I would never have been able to think that way when I was 25. -- Ardie, 54, Canada

I've met 40-year-olds with bodies teens envy, and teens with charm, wit and traveling experience in spades. -- John, 24, Boynton Beach

Younger men are the ones attracted to me. ... I'm very confident with my sexuality. I'm bolder and more assertive. And I don't feel my body or sex is all I have to offer. -- T.M., 36, female, Indiana

It depends a bit on their ethnicity, too. The ones who look sexier in their 30s are Latins and sometimes Middle Easterners. The ones who look better in their mid-20s are East Indians, African descendants and Northern Europeans. The ones who look better in their early 20s or earlier are Native Americans and some Middle Easterners. -- D-mike, 20, San Antonio

Expert says

Sure, we've all heard of studies that say women are considered most attractive when they're young because men are yearning to reproduce, but that's more about old guys trying to regain their youth, said celebrity psychologist and sexpert Dorree Lynn, author of "Sex for Grownups."

For a different position, let us travel back to the Europe of yore, when a young man was initiated into sexuality with an older, beautiful woman. Why? Maybe because society and the media weren't around saying if you "gain a few pounds, get a few edges and knotty bones and your butt droops" that you're past your prime, Lynn said.

"She was a woman of the world, and that was considered sexy and beautiful. ... The bottom line is that a woman is sexiest when she feels she is at her sexiest, not when her hormones peak. Attitude trumps technique."

In Lynn's studies, half of women said sex over 50 didn't exist, and half said the sex was the best. Ever.

So, sexiness is just how you look at yourself?

"It's being comfortable in your own skin," Lynn said. "Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Heidi Montag - whether it's boobs or nose or hair, it's always a new look. There's no beauty in that. Or sexiness."

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Phillip Milano, author of I Can't Believe You Asked That! (Perigee), moderates cross-cultural dialogue at Y? The National Forum on People's Differences. Visit www.yforum.com to submit questions and answers. Send general column comments to phillip.milano@jacksonville.com. You can also hear his podcasts.