Original Message (Pre-Screened)
Category: Sexual Orientation
Subject: 'Closeted' gays having sex in sham marriages
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Every so often you hear a story about some gay man who was living a lie in a sham marriage for X many years. The former Governor of New Jersey, for example, got married and had a kid with a woman despite the fact that he knew he was homosexual the whole time.
Now I am gay, and I have never quite understood how gay men, however closeted, can manage to have sex with women in order to perpetuate a charade. I can certainly understand why having sex with one's sham wife would be important in order to maintain an illusion, but from a strictly practical point of view I don't understand how it can be physically possible. I have never found women sexually attractive, and I cannot imagine ever being physically aroused by one, let alone aroused enough to actually have sex. If sexual attraction is a hard-wired thing, how do such closeted gays 'turn off' their physical unattraction to women in order to have straight sex?
Posted:4/24/2007
By:
J.J. , Vancouver, NA, Canada , 20 , Male , White/Caucasian , Gay , cartoonist , 2 Years of College
Mesg ID: fd323dd0-3d24-437f-9ec0-a46331639ae9
Responses:3
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Unscreened Responses
Category: Sexual Orientation
Subject: Youth, not sex, provides the erection
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Hell, when I was 20 I could get hard over a ballet, or swimming in the ocean ... just about anything. So a young gay male could easily get an erection even if he wasn't emotionally into the female.

Posted:6/3/2009
By:
Jay B, Baltimore, MD, United States , Male , Latin, non-hispanic , Sexual ... period! , Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID: c9b29e66-1a77-48ec-817b-3ffe8fb93379
Responses:0
Category: Sexual Orientation
Subject: Sex and orientation aren't the same thing
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Who you have sex with doesn't determine your orientation and this is a perfect example of that. Sexual arousal is a matter of touching the right spots to get the reaction you want. Women who are raped may have an orgasm. Children who are sexually abused may have an orgasm. That doesn't mean they wanted to be raped or abused. The body's responses are "hard-wired" and can be triggered by touch even when the mind doesn't find the one doing the touching to be sexually attractive. And of course there's the whole fantasy issue. He could have been fantasizing that his wife was a male when he wanted to become aroused.

Love and Light
Posted:12/11/2007
By:
Shelly Strauss Rollison, New Alexandria, PA, United States , 49 , Female , New Age/Metaphysical , White/Caucasian , Bisexual , Minister, writer, activist, CNA, draftsman , 4 Years of College , Lower middle class
Mesg ID: 5dad6bd2-9c3c-44be-bf49-7762030dad59
Responses:0
Category: Sexual Orientation
Subject: its not cut in stone
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one of the main issues I think you are addressing is that human sexuality is 'fluid', that is its not something that is cut in stone like the color of our hair or eyes. That does not mean that we can 'choose' our sexual orientation, but it does mean we can try to suppress it; sometimes for years and many times in the process of procreation. The bottom line revolves around what we really, instinctively, inherently want and need as opposed to what society thinks we should do...
Posted:9/21/2007
By:
Alma , Killeen, TX, United States , 54 , Female , Methodist , White/Caucasian , Lesbian , human resources , Over 4 Years of College , Lower middle class
Mesg ID: c966603d-00ff-4049-9f41-d81108b2a8dc
Responses:0
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